Document text
1 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW Better late than never: Mt. Ashland opens ... The next day ... Decision on public art proposal postponed ... Better late than never: Mt. Ashland opens ... The next day ... Decision on public art proposal postponed ... GUEST OPINION Guest Opinion: All hail President Brightstar Comment By Addie Greene DailyTidings.com By Addie Greene Posted Dec. 11, 2015 at 12:01 AM By Addie Greene Posted Dec. 11, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Social News Once upon a time, Cyril Brightstar ran for president of the United States. He suggested that 11 million illegal aliens should be rounded up and put in holding pens or deported to Mexico. His supporters applauded. After 130 people died in an Islamic State attack in Paris, Brightstar said some mosques should be closed and Muslims should carry papers identifying their nationality and religion. His supporters cheered. The election, marred by hanging chads in Florida, was so close it was referred to the U.S. Supreme Court, which voted 5-4 for Brightstar. Vladimir Putin was the first to congratulate the president-elect. Right after President Brightstar took the oath of office, he ordered the building of a 15-foot brick and mortar wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. Residents of Arizona and Texas were thrilled at the huge number of construction jobs this created. The president said it was way past time to be investing in infrastructure. This project was such a success that he ordered a similar wall along the U.S.-Canada border. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau complained, but President Brightstar said he could get a free pass to the United States at any time. Then, the president ordered the incarceration of all people who could not prove they were either American citizens or legal residents. When Jon Stewart excoriated Brightstar, the president had him arrested and sent to Guantanamo. When Nation Public Radio’s Robert Siegel admonished the president, he also was arrested and sent to Guantanamo. Soon, the press, except for Fox News, was silent. Then, a Black Lives Matter confrontation in Oakland, California resulted in the deaths of 37 people. President Brightstar declared martial law and suspended Americans’ constitutional rights. The Supreme Court, by a 5-4 vote, upheld the declaration. All mosques, synagogues, Buddhist and Hindu temples, and black churches were closed. Muslims were required to wear a green star and crescent on their outer clothing. They also were identified by a numbered tattoo on their left wrists. Gatherings of more than five people had to be approved in advance by the police. Public schools were closed, and parents were given vouchers for their children to attend private schools. The out-of-work public school teachers took jobs building the wall along the Canadian border. Children 10 and older were required to join “Brightstar Youth,” which taught martial arts and the use of AK-47s, which thrilled Putin until the United States began manufacturing them. The children were taught the only thing worse than death was cowardice. Only vetted members of the National Rifle Association were allowed to own private weapons, and these people became the trainers of the “Brightstar Youth.” Compulsory military service was reinstituted for all people between the ages of 18 and 45. With the elimination of all forms of renewable energy and the outlawing of electrical vehicles, planet Earth’s average temperature has risen 5 degrees. The polar ice caps have melted, Holland has disappeared, and New York City, Miami, Galveston, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle are under water. Addie Greene lives in Ashland. By Addie Greene DailyTidings.com By Addie Greene Posted Dec. 11, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... Business Name address Location, ST | website.com Find Southern Oregon Attractions Bars Restaurants Beauty Salons Entertainment Doctors Medical Specialists Contractors Education Lawn Services Lawyers Shopping Travel Tanning Used Cars Wedding Services ▼ Add your business here + Events Calendar Connect with DailyTidings.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Alerts Email alerts RSS feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Propel Marketing Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Mobile Site Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Local Media Group Publications Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted. DailyTidings.com | P.O. Box 1108, Medford, OR 97501