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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Emergency services Dog show highlighted by $10,000 donation toward sheriff's K-9 Land in limbo Since You Asked: Cut to the chase on sidewalk cuts Emergency services Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Emergency services Emergency services VIDEO: Wrap Up: Oct. 31, 2014 Elder abuse consistent in stats, but underreported, officials say First GP police fatal shooting justified, DA says Politics and Elections Election equipment fails, delaying ballot counting Unrest from the ranks? 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Hundreds look for work at Harry & David hiring fair Umpqua Holdings more than doubles net earnings Harry & David will hold hiring fair Thursday Opinion Latest Letters to the Editor, Nov. 1 Granlund cartoon: Election winners Frank Talk: Power to the people Philip Maddocks: Unapologetic Christie frees God from Ebola quarantine Michelle Teheux: My opponent is worse than I am Editorials Our View: Dark money leaves candidates in dark Our View: Cheers and jeers Our View: Any new gas tax must be equitable Southeast center offers new approach to growth Our View: Cost is a poor excuse for local pot tax Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, Nov. 1 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 30 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 29 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 28 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 27 Guest Opinions Measure 89 provides equality for women Eagle Point needs public transportation Guest Opinion: Common Core testing sets math students up for failure Guest Opinion: Campaigning and voting 'the Oregon way' Guest Opinion: A glimpse into the reality of our elections Lifestyle Latest stories Ashland parade showcases costumed creativity Woman hospitalized in Milwaukie for Ebola testing Fishing Report: Friday, Oct. 31 Lloyd Garver: Let the dogs out Frank Talk: Power to the people Food Spices of Autumn Community blog: Seven spooky snacks are savory Halloween fare Can’t get enough pumpkin-pie spice? 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Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Rain damage closes Darkwing Manor 'Glee' star to perform Medford concert Singer and songwriter Gene Burnett follows his bliss Spookadelic Halloween Funktacular promises a lively dance party Patty Griffin plays the Historic Ashland Armory Theater Review: Funny 'Lion in Winter' roars to life at Camelot Theatre Camelot presents 'The Lion in Winter' 'Carnage' is short, smart, darkly funny Music 'Glee' star to perform Medford concert The Farr Side: On ‘1989,’ Taylor Swift lightens up Singer and songwriter Gene Burnett follows his bliss Patty Griffin plays the Historic Ashland Armory Live Music in Local Clubs Community Events Spookadelic Halloween Funktacular promises a lively dance party Puss 'N' Boots Costume Ball and Auction Theater's haunted house not for faint of heart Third Fridays in downtown Medford Works in progress Dining Blue Toba is a cultural experience Back Porch Bar & Grill Yu's Yummy Yan's offers great take-out Agave offers tasty tacos Asian cuisine for all seasons at Misoya Bistro Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines & Special Sections NEWS NOW Rain damage closes Darkwing Manor ... Woman hospitalized in Milwaukie for Ebola testing ... Donor helps Mt. Ashland buy new ski boots ... Rain damage closes Darkwing Manor ... Woman hospitalized in Milwaukie for Ebola testing ... Donor helps Mt. Ashland buy new ski boots ... Philip Maddocks: Unapologetic Christie frees God from Ebola quarantine By Philip Maddocks MailTribune.com By Philip Maddocks Posted Oct. 31, 2014 @ 9:30 am By Philip Maddocks Posted Oct. 31, 2014 @ 9:30 am » Social News Saying he has nothing but good will for Him and His work going forward, an unapologetic Gov. Chris Christie dismissed those who questioned his decision to keep God quarantined in a tent since His return from Ebola-stricken West Africa. Christie said he knows God is probably upset and angry and wants to go home, but he cautioned that the Almighty has to remember He is no different from any other airline traveler coming into New Jersey. “Any of us have seen people who are traveling and they’ve been stopped, whether they are late for a plane or whatever they are doing, they get upset and angry. I’m sure He is angry, too,” he said. But what God has to keep in mind, Mr. Christie said, is that the governor’s obligation is to protect the public health of all the people. That may inconvenience the Almighty from time to time, but if that is what New Jersey has to do to protect the public, then, said Christie, “that’s what we’ll continue to do.” “He was doing good work over in West Africa, and we’re doing good work here in New Jersey,” the governor said. “After he cools down, I’m sure he’ll see it in a different light.” Even as New Jersey officials prepared to release God from quarantine, Christie remained adamant that there had been good reason to isolate the Almighty in a tent equipped with a portable toilet but no shower or television. “He was obviously ill enough that the CDC and medical officials hospitalized Him and gave Him an Ebola test,” the governor said. “They don’t do that just for fun, even with God.” The announcement that God is free to leave New Jersey capped a frenetic week of accusations, when first a nurse and then God criticized Christie’s quarantine policy and proceeded to hire legal teams to defend their civil rights. “I didn’t reverse any decision,” Christie said, in announcing that God is free to go. God hadn’t had any symptoms for 24 hours. He tested negative for Ebola. And so there was no reason to keep him isolated from the public, Christie said. He contended, however, that God had been running a high fever and was symptomatic earlier and so, out of an abundance of caution, He had been placed in quarantine. God’s treatment in New Jersey drew withering criticism from both public health officials and the Almighty himself, who described the New Jersey approach as inhumane and disputed Mr. Christie’s contention that He was “obviously ill” when He displayed no symptoms of Ebola. President Obama, speaking at the White House on Tuesday, said that it was critical that policies dealing with all returning health care workers — including those who are omnipotent — do nothing that might discourage them from going to fight the disease where it is most needed in West Africa. “I want to make sure that every policy we put in place is supportive of their efforts,” he said. While not commenting specifically on the orders issued by several states, which go beyond the federal guidelines, or God’s criticism of New Jersey, the president said it was important that decisions were made based on “science,” not “fear.” Although New York Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo warned of the possibility of quarantine “at a government-regulated facility” when he and Christie first announced the policy last week, it is unclear whether either of them had anticipated the possibility of quarantining God. And yesterday, Cuomo relaxed his state’s mandatory quarantine further, allowing New York resident health care workers and most deities to be at home and to be compensated for lost income. The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued guidelines on Monday, calling for travelers returning to the United States who have had exposure to Ebola patients to voluntarily isolate themselves. The new guidelines expanded on previous protocols and called for some restricted movement, saying returning medical workers should not, for instance, fly on commercial airlines during the 21-day monitoring period. However, the federal guidelines do not go appear to require the quarantining of deities. Christie, however, continued to defend his state’s mandatory quarantine program, even as a growing number of scientists and public health experts condemned the restrictions as overly broad and possibly harmful in the fight against Ebola in West Africa. “I don’t understand the fuss,” Christie said. “If God were in my position, he’d be doing the same thing.” Philip Maddocks writes a weekly satirical column. He can be reached at [email protected]. By Philip Maddocks MailTribune.com By Philip Maddocks Posted Oct. 31, 2014 @ 9:30 am » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2014 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 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