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1 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW SOU a finalist in national Climate Leadership Competition ... Our View: Water curtailment efforts not just for show ... Officers identified in Dunsmuir shootout ... SOU a finalist in national Climate Leadership Competition ... Our View: Water curtailment efforts not just for show ... Officers identified in Dunsmuir shootout ... SOUTHERN OREGON JOURNAL What I owe the tango Comment By Lois Schlegel for the Mail Tribune MailTribune.com By Lois Schlegel for the Mail Tribune Posted Jul. 26, 2015 at 12:01 AM By Lois Schlegel for the Mail Tribune Posted Jul. 26, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Social News When I was a little girl, my mom said I had stiff back. She reasoned this must be why I had such a hard time doing somersaults and couldn’t stand on my head to save my life. Cartwheels were out of the question. My mom on the other hand was 5 feet, 2 inches of athletic prowess. She played tennis, golfed, bowled and danced her whole adult life. As a child she flipped and cartwheeled across the lawn, played field hockey with the girls and soccer with the boys. She was fierce and comfortable in her body. And her body was at her command. I remember watching her play tennis when she was in her 50s with 20- something men, beating them with finesse and ball placement. Not me. I wasn’t good at sports and dancing was torture. I could never understand people who went out on the dance floor, closed their eyes and just let themselves move to the music. Dancing brought feelings of self-consciousness and sometimes even shame, if I happened to shake my booty in a suggestive way. The truth: I was afraid of moving my body and preferred to live in my head. So, it was life’s little joke that I married a man for whom dance was second nature, someone who had taught ballroom and performed with a dance company. We were mostly a solid partnership, but not when it came to the dance floor.  After 20 years of marriage and several aborted attempts at dancing together, my husband finally took up Argentine Tango, alone. This sensuous dance — often done in the closest of embrace — bears little resemblance to American tango, with its grandiose movements and rose in the teeth bravado that seems to be focused on the audience. Argentine tango is done while focused intently on your partner. It is improvised, and danced heart to heart. I wanted to follow him into this new hobby. I wanted the connection, joy and freedom I imagined him experiencing, and I wanted to share it with him.  The wisest part of me knew that if I wanted to extinguish my fear, I would have to confront it. If I wanted to dance, I couldn’t stay on the sidelines. In fact, one of the things we therapists know for sure is that when something is not life-threatening or even dangerous, but we still have intense fear about it, what we want to do is avoid. Everything in us urges us to run away. But that is often the worst thing we can do. Avoiding what we fear only reinforces in the brain the misplaced logic of our anxiety. Knowing this to be true is how I ended up sitting in my car, heart pounding, face flushing, stomach churning, as I contemplated going to my first tango class. My feet felt like lead. OK, just pay attention to your breathing, I told myself. I felt myself down-regulate a little. I felt myself coming into the moment. More breaths. Some self-talk. You can do this. What’s the worst things that could happen? I’ll be terrible. I’ll be embarrassed. No one will want to dance with me. OK. Get out of the car. Walk. Pay. Put on shoes. Smile. Move like the teacher says. Breathe. Feel yourself relax a little. Just be here. Feel your body. Move it. Hear the music. Feel his arms, his body. Breathe. Move. Repeat. And that is how I eventually became a tango dancer. My fear diminished considerably after the first class, but it took months for it to quiet to just a flutter in my heart that I now label excitement. And it has been worth it, because tango has given me many gifts. Tango offers the opportunity to give up control within a safe and enjoyable context. I turn over the major decisions to my partner and experience moments of pure freedom. I can turn off my busy mind and rest in his arms. Through tango I have finally found a home in my own body. I think mom would be proud. Lois Schlegel is a mental health therapist at Life in Bloom Counseling in Medford and Ashland. She writes a weekly blog for the Mail Tribune called "Living a Life in Bloom." To read more, see http://blogs.esouthernoregon.com/life-in-bloom By Lois Schlegel for the Mail Tribune MailTribune.com By Lois Schlegel for the Mail Tribune Posted Jul. 26, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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