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Healthy Aging By Sharon Johnson Humor can bring joy out of adversity It is the season to be jolly. There is a lot of that in the home of Gary and Tisa Helms. As his wife puts it, "Gary is a swell guy - great sense of humor." She is pretty swell herself. She has a deep-throated, smiling-face type of laugh. Her husband's laughter is more the whole-body, eyes-first kind. When I visited them last week, I delighted in the good will that enveloped the household. But, as I walked up the ramp into their home and past the tiny tabletop Christmas tree, I knew the Helms family did not necessarily have a lot to laugh about. This is a Christmas story, and the facts stack up this way: Gary is unable to move his arms or legs. His quadriplegic condition is the result of a construction-related injury, which occurred more than a decade ago. He fell off a roof and landed on his head. Gary also has aphasia, which makes him unable to form words or speak intelligibly. The family lost a member who was very dear to them. They miss their beloved grandfather "Poppy," Gary's dad, who died at home in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease. He had been an institution in the family and remembering Poppy's idiosyncratic behaviors generates amusing anecdotes. The Helmses do not seem to do the traditional kind of mourning. In this family, life's challenges are the foundation for laughter and good spirits. When Poppy was alive, the Helms household had two wheelchair-using family members, a working mom, an involved teenager, a robust third-grader, three rotating caregivers and a nippy beagle named Semper Fidelis. On the day before Thanksgiving, they invited relatives and friends, including some of their caregivers, for a turkey dinner. The oven caught fire, and - you got it -lots of laughter ensued. The Helmses thrive where many families, most with far fewer challenges, may not even survive. So, what is the secret of happy, thriving, resilient families? Seems like this may be an important piece of information for the New Year. Tisa would say that a good sense of humor is critical. Her long-term caregivers would probably agree. They might also mention honest conflict, patience and the importance of some getaway time. (Nine-year-old Arron firmly believes lots of buttered toast is a significant factor.) Rabbi Harold Kushner, the author of "Living a Life That Matters," would observe the Helms family and say that successful living is tied to "winning by losing." He believes that "success and significance converge on every act of self-sacrifice we do for our friends, families and communities." In his words, we "need to matter." The movie "It's a Wonderful Life" is a good example. The main character, Jimmy Stewart, was initially blind to the influence he had on so many lives through his simple acts of kindness and good will. In the end, he found that he did indeed matter. And, like Lisa and Gary, he realized he had a wonderful life. See, I told you this was a Christmas story. Sharon Johnson is an assistant professor in family and community development at OSU Extension and a member of the Senior Advisory Council. Reach her at [email protected] Mail Tribune Home | Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. | Dow Jones & Co., Inc. | Privacy | Contact Us Copyright � 2001 Mail Tribune, Inc.