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3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Medford schools superintendent gets high marks Since You Asked: School zone speed limit always 20 mph Emergency Services, March 3 St. Mary's robotics team qualifies for state competition Ninth Street crash in Grants Pass claims life of 19-year-old woman Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Emergency Services, March 3 California homicide leads to arrest in Talent Fire torches trailer of hay off Crater Lake Avenue Volunteers help police nab three graffiti suspects in a week Emergency services, March 2 Politics and Elections Ashland: Budget increase, swimming pool funding discussion on council agenda Judge upholds Phoenix's moratorium on medical marijuana dispensaries Ballots on Jackson County marijuana tax go out Friday Brown's inauguration brings hope to local lawmakers Kate Brown sworn in as Oregon's 38th governor Education Medford schools superintendent gets high marks St. Mary's robotics team qualifies for state competition LIFEArt plans to open gallery in Medford MSD considers adding a health center at one of the city's high schools Absenteeism in Oregon schools prompts bill that would tie funding to attendance, not enrollment Environment The new normal under climate change? 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Mangino: Bite-mark analysis — science or charlatanry Letters to the Editor, March 2 Editorials Our View: Drawing back the curtain on government Other Views: Brown's list of challenges is lengthy Our View: School attendance bill could backfire Our View: Higher education still getting too little Our View: Adjusting for unintended consequences Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, March 3 Letters to the Editor, March 2 Letters to the Editor, March 1 Letters to the Editor, Feb. 28 Letters to the Editor, Feb. 27 Columns Michael Gerson: Scott Walker's cynical comments on faith Kent Bush: Minnie Minoso was famous for the right reasons Dana Milbank: Jeb Bush, CPAC pinata Charles Krauthammer: The fatal flaw in the Iran deal GUEST OPINION: Police, community should work to prevent profiling Guest Opinions GUEST OPINION: Police, community should work to prevent profiling Guest Opinion: Don't overregulate Oregon's hemp industry Guest Opinion: Predatory banking practices bilk citizens Guest Opinion: Is less education the answer? Guest Opinion: Bill would shore up legal aid funding Lifestyle Latest stories Dr. Elaine Heffner: How much freedom should we allow kids? Food for Thought: Get creative with after-school snacks 'She Stoops' rises on SOU stage Paul Rogers: Looking for signs of new life Blog: Happiest birthday to the dearest of Seusses Food Food for Thought: Get creative with after-school snacks Gail Ciampa: Curried cauliflower soup gets creaminess from coconut Restaurant Inspections: Sunday, March 1 Community blog: Support local CSA farms by signing up Saturday Joanna McQuillan Weeks: Cheeseburger pie is the perfect winter comfort food Home and Garden Paul Rogers: Looking for signs of new life Home Help: Enhance your home-office experience Specialty painting adds wow to your walls Dear Monty: Home seller questions agent ethics Home Help: Low-maintenance landscaping ideas Health HealthStyle: Marriage care and maintenance Community blog: How I Became Radical: The Power of Acceptance Community blog: The Guest List: Check! Health Watch: Sticking to your health plan when your family isn’t helping Community blog: Finding Your Indomitable Spirit to Defeat Addiction Hiking Biking Faith Religion briefs, Feb. 27 Religion briefs: Friday, Feb. 20 Religion News: Pope makes surprise shantytown visit Religion briefs: Friday, Feb. 13 RELIGION BRIEFS, Feb. 6 Milestones and Achievements Anniversary: Hofer New arrivals: Sunday, Feb. 8 Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories TMTO presents 'Bye Bye Birdie' Ashland High School presents 'Leading Ladies' Live Music in Local Clubs HAPA plays the Historic Ashland Armory An all-new Rising Stars music competition kicks off this weekend Theater 'Guys and Dolls' a sure bet for dazzling entertainment 'She Stoops' rises on SOU stage TMTO presents 'Bye Bye Birdie' Review: OSF elevates the neglected 'Pericles' Review: In "Much Ado," why not let Shakespeare be Shakespeare? Music Ashland High School presents 'Leading Ladies' Rogue Valley Symphony showcases Anton Bruckner and Richard Wagner Live Music in Local Clubs HAPA plays the Historic Ashland Armory An all-new Rising Stars music competition kicks off this weekend Community Events Third Fridays showcases local artists Southern Oregon Rod and Custom Show Ashland's First Friday Art Walk showcases new exhibits by regional artists Jacksonville celebrates Chinese New Year Dining Restaurant Inspections: Sunday, March 1 Great Outdoor Grill offers healthful options Restaurant Inspections: Sunday, Feb. 22, 2015 Saigon Xich Lo Vietnamese cuisine The zwickels shall flow Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obits Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines/Special Sections Business Services NEWS NOW Get Up & Go: Tuesday, March 3 ... Ninth Street crash in Grants Pass claims life of 19-year-old woman ... Ashland cell tower hearing postponed ... Get Up & Go: Tuesday, March 3 ... Ninth Street crash in Grants Pass claims life of 19-year-old woman ... Ashland cell tower hearing postponed ... HealthStyle: Marriage care and maintenance By David Gannon More Content Now MailTribune.com By David Gannon More Content Now Posted Mar. 2, 2015 @ 7:43 am By David Gannon More Content Now Posted Mar. 2, 2015 @ 7:43 am » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2325,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> You know how it works. You date several people for a while, then you finally find that special person. The one who understands you like no one else does, makes your heart flutter and has become your best friend. So you decide to get married. You both know that it won’t always be easy, but you believe that your love will be enough to get through anything. After a time you realize that love is not going to be enough. Getting married is easy. Staying married is much harder. The bloom that was on the rose of love when you first met begins to fade as you begin struggle with real issues such as finances, careers, in-laws, children, sex, personality differences and differences in beliefs. You may get a year or possibly two of the honeymoon phase before some of these issues come to the surface. The intimacy and connectedness that was so good while you were dating seems to have been lost in the routines of managing your lives. You may find that you are spending even less time with your spouse now than when you were dating. Perhaps you only see your spouse on weekends due to work schedules. When children come along, they require a lot of time, too. Soccer games, dance classes and parent-teacher conferences for the children take the little precious time available for the couple. At some point you realize that you have become better parents than partners. At first it may be difficult to acknowledge that the passion that you had in your relationship while dating is not as strong as it was, nor is it enough to resolve all problems. You can easily get locked into routines that keep things working but may not feed the couple relationship. It seems that many couples believe that the energy that sustained the relationship initially will continue, but instead inertia can easily set in. Alas, there is no more intimacy, no more communication and a shell of a marriage. Eighteen years later your children are off to college and you stare at your partner who now seems like a stranger. Some focus on the couple is best at the beginning of a marriage and should continue throughout. To be sure, it is difficult to bring the personalities and histories of two people together. To expect everything to magically work all of the time is unrealistic. Having some shared values and an open communication style from the beginning is a good start for a marriage, but the normal demands of life can make any marriage a challenge. Care and maintenance is an essential task for any marriage. A marriage is not different from your plants. They require some care to grow and thrive. Even the best marriages require similar attention. Maintenance of a marriage is an ongoing process that involves communication, intimacy, time, understanding, romance and forgiveness. If couples recognize this from the beginning, many of the usual problems of marriage can be avoided or at least resolved. There is no owner’s manual for a good marriage. There are no simple steps that anyone can follow to keep it working. Every situation is different, but the following ideas should offer you from useful guidelines for keeping your marriage fresh: - Remember what you like about your marriage partner. Don’t just focus on what you believe is wrong with them. - Always show respect to your partner even if you don’t agree. Sarcasm, put-downs, name calling and other disparaging remarks can’t be taken back and can do irreparable damage to the relationship. - Play together. Consciously create recreational opportunities that you can enjoy as a couple. Occasionally “let your hair down” and just laugh and be silly with each other. - Show interest in your spouse. Learn what they like and don’t like. Celebrate their good times and support them in bad times. - Take time to have meaningful conversations with each other. This shows that the relationship is important. - Don’t try to win every argument and lose the relationship in the process. Some arguments are not worth having. - Tell your partner what you appreciate about them periodically. - Be romantic. Surprise each other with inexpensive small gifts, notes and cards. Show affection through words, hugs, holding hands and other affectionate gestures. - Think about what each of you can give to the relationship instead of what you can get from it. The other person is likely to reciprocate. - Do not speak in anger. Wait until you cool down, then revisit the problem. Learn to compromise. Even if you have done a good job of care and maintenance of your marriage, sometimes it helps to speak to someone with an objective perspective. When conflicts seem unresolvable, seek the help of a psychologist or other mental health professional as soon as possible. David Gannon, Ph.D., Psychological and Family Consultants, Canton, Ohio. By David Gannon More Content Now MailTribune.com By David Gannon More Content Now Posted Mar. 2, 2015 @ 7:43 am » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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