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More Content Now MailTribune.com By Barry Lewis, 
More Content Now Posted Oct. 24, 2014 at 11:39 AM By Barry Lewis, 
More Content Now Posted Oct. 24, 2014 at 11:39 AM » Social News Few things can make me feel more like an idiot than trying to figure out the idiot light. You know, that little diagram that suddenly lights up on your dashboard. Officially, they're called "dashboard lights." But we idiots (a proud but admittedly challenged group) know better. It usually comes on when we're driving on the highway. Hardly any traffic. Nice weather. Sunroof open. Music blasting. Total freedom on the road. There's nothing that can ruin the moment. Then, without warning, we're blinded by the dashboard light. Or at least jolted into a state of uneasiness at the sight of the illuminated tiny symbol that in theory is supposed to alert us to a specific potential mechanical problem with our vehicle. Some symbols are pretty easy to understand. Open a car door and you see a symbol of a car with a door open. Fail to put on your seat belt and you see a symbol of a passenger without a seat belt on. Low on fuel and you see a symbol of a gas pump. Even for yours truly, whose mechanical prowess doesn't go much beyond checking the dipstick for oil, these are manageable problems that can be resolved without much stress. The end result: The idiot light is gone and the idiot driver has peace of mind. Or peace for half a mind. But here's the thing about idiot drivers: We're not stupid. It's never about seeing the light for the door. Or the seat belt or the gas pump. We don't get palpitations when we suddenly see the "wiper intermittent" light. We don't lose sleep over the "air recirculation" light. Or wonder if we dare drive with the "passenger window lock and unlock" light on. There are 38 illuminating lights in my car. You want to guess which two always come on? Which two I can't get rid of? Which two will keep me from passing inspection no matter how many times I get the car checked? You know them. First is the icon telling me that I have a case of low tire pressure. It's an exclamation point inside what's supposed to be a tire. I suggest car manufacturers follow that with an icon noting a driver's sudden high blood pressure. Could be the face of an exasperated driver. The only thing more frustrating is seeing the illuminating engine design. This, of course, means the engine needs to be checked. Serious stuff. In some cars, this warning is considered so serious that they forgo the illuminated engine and just have the words "Check Engine!" First time you're speeding on the highway and you suddenly see the "Check Engine!" light, you don't know if you should just pull over or try to eject. For the novice driver reading this column, this is a SPOILER ALERT. Stop here and good luck. For the rest of us, we know the truth. "Check Engine!" is code for make sure the gas cap is on tight. Even idiots learn. Barry Lewis is executive editor of the Times Herald-Record [email protected] By Barry Lewis, 
More Content Now MailTribune.com By Barry Lewis, 
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