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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW Emergency services, Nov. 4 ... Our View: Kitzhaber's email privacy argument falls flat ... Gold Hill levy fails; Phoenix, Rogue River measures approved ... Emergency services, Nov. 4 ... Our View: Kitzhaber's email privacy argument falls flat ... Gold Hill levy fails; Phoenix, Rogue River measures approved ... Wry & Ginger: Commencement-speech gigs have a hold on academia Comment By Sid McKeen More Content Now MailTribune.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Apr. 13, 2015 at 9:21 AM By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Apr. 13, 2015 at 9:21 AM » Social News Again this spring, no American college or university has seen fit to invite me to be its commencement speaker. That’s a disappointment, because I have something I’d dearly love to say. Here it is: “I am delighted this morning to address the graduating class of 2015 at (name of institution). My speech will be short. In fact, it is limited to this single paragraph. I now ask each member of the senior class to come onstage in alphabetical order, at which time I will present each of you your degree and a $100 bill. You may want to use it to pay the first installment on your student loan, which I am told averages $30,000 for every graduate across the land.. God bless you all.” No jokes. No pontification. No unwanted advice. No movie stars. No media darlings. No politicians. No hyperbole. No windy exhortations. Just step up, get your C-note and be on your way. How did this commencement-oratory gig ever get such a hold on academia in the first place? History records that when Harvard held the first college graduation back in 1642, it fell to the senior class itself to do all the talking. There were only nine in that group, and each one delivered a speech in Latin, Greek or Hebrew. They may not have been memorable, or even thoroughly understandable to the audience, but they had one redeeming feature: They allowed the students themselves to be the center of attention, and the love of learning to be the central theme. Compare that to commencement programs in our day. Matthew McConaughey, the actor, will speak at University of Houston’s in a few weeks, and take away $135,000 plus agents’ fees for his half-hour at the rostrum. He plans to give it to a charity, but the seniors he addresses will be in hock collectively for more than $200 million, based on the national averages. TV news personality Katie Couric cashed in for $110,000 a few years ago at University of Oklahoma, Hillary Clinton for $225,000 at University of Nevada, and Michelle Obama’s appearance at University of California in Merced ran up a bill of $700,000, including security costs. My own commencement — back in the Paleozoic Era — was addressed by Norman Vincent Peale, famed at the time for his series of books with “power” in their titles, such as “The Power of Positive Thinking.” Thinking back on it now, I can’t recall a word he said that June day of my youth. The thing is, I’ve attended several other college commencements since that time, and I either can’t remember who the speakers were, or if I can, I can’t remember anything they said. If my time had reached all the way back to 1642, I will admit that I surely wouldn’t recall what those old Harvard grads had to say either, not being remotely acquainted with Latin, Greek or Hebrew. But I’m sure I’d have respect for their accomplishments. One final thought on the subject, if I may: With lotteries being so popular today, colleges might consider holding one for each senior class. Let names of all class members be drawn from a hat, and the winner named commencement speaker and absolved of repayment of student loans. If not that, invite one employee of the institution — perhaps a janitor — to address the crowd. Given what’s happening on some campuses these days, that might make one socko speech. And it wouldn’t cost a nickel. Sid McKeen can be reached at [email protected]. By Sid McKeen More Content Now MailTribune.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Apr. 13, 2015 at 9:21 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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