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3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Emergency services Medford police may have to retire their pot-sniffing dogs Four candidates run for two Eagle Point School Board slots Man charged in ransacking of Wimer church Mayors United ACCESS campaign kicks off Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Emergency services Medford police may have to retire their pot-sniffing dogs Man charged in ransacking of Wimer church Police: Man stole four identities, left trail of bad checks across Jackson County Emergency services Politics and Elections Earthquakes hit regularly in Medford (Oklahoma, that is) Medford School Board, Position 6: Curt Ankerberg vs. Janet Lightheart Arthur I. Cyr: Cuba’s enduring challenge to American foreign policy – and American politics Gov. 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Onorato: Enjoying good food just for the fun of it Page H. Onorato: Food items appear in the funnies Donna Knight: Alzheimer’s brings challenges Food Page H. Onorato: Enjoying good food just for the fun of it Page H. Onorato: Food items appear in the funnies Community blog: Variations on potato patties please brunch palates Food for Thought: Grill up a storm as the weather gets warm Season Stepp: Make seared steak fajitas for Cinco De Mayo Home and Garden Clean out household chemicals Friday and Saturday Dear Monty: 10 tips to avoid tenant complaints Home Help: Upgrade your entryway with simple DIY projects Costa Living: Basking in flower power Garden Cameos: Spring is time for azaleas in the garden Health 'Game changer' for heart patients Health Watch: Tips for protecting your eyes Dr. Jeff Hersh: Could severe cramping mean endometriosis? Dr. Murray Feingold: Is pre-op testing for cataract surgery necessary? Community blog: What about Lucy? Hiking Biking Faith Religion Briefs: Friday, April 24 Religion Briefs: Friday, April 17 Religion briefs: Friday, April 10 Religion briefs: Friday, April 3 Milestones and Achievements ENGAGEMENT: Sellers-James Witham's birthday bash draws hundreds for 1950s prices Charlesworth-Murphy Drizzle doesn't dampen Pear Blossom Parade spirit New Arrivals: Sunday, April 12 Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Randall Theatre stages 'Little Shop of Horrors' Thanks for the Memories stages 'Company' one night only Camelot Theatre presents 'Arsenic and Old Lace' 5 picks for live entertainment this week A Taste of Ashland pairs food and wine at galleries Theater Randall Theatre stages 'Little Shop of Horrors' 'Much Ado' at SOU Thanks for the Memories stages 'Company' one night only Camelot Theatre presents 'Arsenic and Old Lace' 'Secret Love' playwright Stan Lai appears in Ashland Music Interview: Offspring plays hits new and old on tour Maria Muldaur at the Unitarian Fellowship Genticorum at Paschal Winery Southern Oregon Repertory Singers Live Music in Local Clubs Community Events A Taste of Ashland pairs food and wine at galleries Rogue Valley Earth Day 2015 Foreign language film festival set at SOU Regional brewers, distillers, winemakers at Harry & David Field Third Fridays celebrates poetry, student art Movies Interview: Sofia Vergara talks ‘Hot Pursuit’ Quick Flicks: ‘Cinderella,’ ‘Insurgent’ and more 2015 summer movie preview Movie review: ‘Lambert and Stamp’ doc tells who was behind The Who Reader Review: 'Danny Collins' a sentimental and funny tribute to John Lennon Dining Set a table from your local farmers market Let's do brunch! Restaurant inspections: April 26, 2015 Island Grindz serves up Hawaiian specialties Have you wandered down the Bear Creek Wine Trail yet? Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obits Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Special Sections Business Services NEWS NOW Medford police may have to retire their pot-sniffing dogs ... Our View: Medical marijuana market not at risk ... Oregon Senate kills Bates' bill requiring seatbelts for all passengers ... Medford police may have to retire their pot-sniffing dogs ... Our View: Medical marijuana market not at risk ... Oregon Senate kills Bates' bill requiring seatbelts for all passengers ... Dr. Elaine Heffner: Opting out By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Apr. 27, 2015 @ 9:30 am By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Apr. 27, 2015 @ 9:30 am » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2325,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> The past several weeks brought renewed attention to the question of school testing related to the Common Core curriculum. The objective of bringing all children up to a certain level in basic subjects, involves tests given to children in third through eighth grades. Teachers and schools as well as the children themselves have been evaluated based on these tests and one consequence has been a high stress level for children, parents and teachers. In response, a movement started by some parents to have their children opt out of taking the tests seems to have caught fire. Much attention has been paid to the “opt-out” movement over the tests administered during recent weeks. By one count, 150,000 children in New York alone were kept out of the tests by their parents. During the discussion raging about whether parents should keep their children out of the tests, a father asked my opinion as to whether or not to have his daughter opt out, as many of her friends were doing. What were the pros and cons on both sides of the decision? On one side was the fact that the testing situation is very stressful. The tests go way beyond what children have learned and can leave a child feeling negative about her own abilities. A criticism of the tests has been that they do not actually indicate what a child has learned or is capable of learning. In other words, expectations are being set that don’t match where children are, leaving children with a feeling of failure. In favor of taking the test was the idea that test-taking is part of school and there is value in getting used to taking them. Although hard, moving forward can mean doing things that are hard. Taking the tests is an expectation of the school, and in one sense opting out is a rebellion against authority. However, one could see it as a constructive protest directed to bringing about change. These questions in a real sense are questions that as parents we are trying to answer at various stages of a child’s development. As children grow and mature, parents have certain expectations about what they should be able to achieve at various stages. Since children develop differently, one of the challenges in child-rearing is to set our expectations realistically based on where our own children are in their development. Parents are leaders as well as followers so we do set goals for children as well as judging their readiness to take certain steps. Conflicts may occur if parents’ expectations are out of sync with what a child is capable of at any given point along the way. When that happens, both parent and child may feel a sense of failure, or worry that something is wrong. At times children protest the effort to have them take a next step they are not ready to take. The protest may be expressed in behavior that is difficult and adds another layer of concern to the situation. As with the current question about academic test-taking, the developmental question for parents is whether an expectation is realistic and matches a child’s abilities and readiness to take a next step. When the response from a child is a protest, we have to determine if our expectation is unrealistic or if the child just needs some help from us in taking a step that may be hard. Protests may feel like a problem but are useful in determining if we need to rethink our expectations or if our children need a helping hand in taking the next step. Elaine Heffner, LCSW, Ed.D., has written for Parents Magazine, Fox.com, Redbook, Disney online and PBS Parents, as well as other publications. She has appeared on PBS, ABC, Fox TV and other networks. Dr. Heffner is the author of “Goodenoughmothering: The Best of the Blog,” as well as “Mothering: The Emotional Experience of Motherhood After Freud and Feminism.” She is a psychotherapist and parent educator in private practice, as well as a senior lecturer of education in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. Dr. Heffner was a co-founder and served as director of the Nursery School Treatment Center at Payne Whitney Clinic, New York Hospital. And she blogs at goodenoughmothering.com. By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Apr. 27, 2015 @ 9:30 am » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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