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An interview with 'Buddy the Elf' Thursday Dec 22, 2016 at 3:56 PM Dec 22, 2016 at 4:34 PM By Jeffrey Gillespie For the Tidings Editor's note: Tidings columnist and reviewer Jeffrey Gillespie braved the recesses of his own imagination to bring back this tale, woven entirely from gossamer strands of synapses, of an encounter with one Buddy the Elf. Any resemblance to an actual elf or elves is purely coincidental. After some years of toy maker training at the prestigious Providence institution of RISD, Buddy the Elf did some additional global networking that has stood him in good sled. After leading a team of delegates to the World Economic Forum in Davos in 2016, he was contracted to implement a massive trinket and novelty manufacturing effort in in the Qaasuitsup municipality of northern Greenland. I caught up with Buddy to talk about his current project, as well as his life philosophy.  JG: Buddy, thanks for being with us. Even though you're a relatively recent graduate of design school, you've taken on an enviable position within the Kringle Organization, charged with building and co-distributing over 1.7 billion individual items over a 24-hour period. That's a massive undertaking. What's it like working for an icon?  BTE: I've got to say, most people think that Santa is a strong leader, but he's not. He seems easily distracted by snow, which is a problem, considering where his largest plant is located. He often wanders off onto the tundra; we have to send out parties of elves to find him and bring him back. This is a huge logistical process. Elves are only 3 feet tall, and we get up to 19 feet of snow in this part of the world during the winter. I've lost nearly half my staff so far this year to frostbite and snow blindness, and Santa doesn't seem to care at all. He just laughs a lot and stuffs his face with cookies and milk. It's tough going.  JG: How do you cope?  BTE: Well, for me, it's a lot about eggnog, and I'm not talking about the kind you serve to kids, you know? I tend to do a blended version with a dash of Nyquil and two shots of Remy Martin XO. Some of my elves think it's sacrilegious to mix such a top-shelf cognac with a sedating antihistamine, but I say, if it feels good, do it. In addition to the booze, I have a substantial library. This year I've been in more of a dark mood than usual, so I've stuck with classic writers like Baudelaire and Poe. I dipped back into "Art of War" in an attempt to strategically confront Santa on his recent behaviors, but then I decided to let it go. What the heck, he signs the front of the checks and I sign the back of them, so if he wants to blow this whole deal, that's his prerogative. I will say that when I get my check on any given Friday, I'm the first one on the dogsled to the bank and I cash that puppy. It's really no way to live. I wish his wife would step in and handle him, frankly.  JG: Uh ... OK. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would you choose?  BTE: Wow, that's an obvious question (sighs.) Okay, I suppose I'd come back as an orc. I'd love to be in that kind of physical shape, just to know what it feels like, just for awhile, you know? All this candy cane and yellow snow is just hell on my waistline.  JG: Do you have any advice for aspiring elves?  BTE: Yeah, try to get a toymaking gig someplace warm; like the Florida Keys. I have no idea why Kringle Co. built their base of operations up here, probably something to do with tax breaks. It's freezing, there are wolverines, and the only thing to do on a Saturday night is eat polar bear meat until you start to hallucinate and then go outside and fire a few rounds into a snowbank, or wade out into the water and make salacious comments to an orca. I guess most of the elves in this business are a pretty tough breed, stoic, humorless and overworked. it's nothing like you see in the literature about us. We never had the strategic capacity to form a union, that's the trouble.  JG: Thanks, Buddy, this has been an eye-opening conversation.  BTE: I'm just happy to have someone to talk with, man. Ashland resident Jeffrey Gillespie is a Daily Tidings columnist, arts reviewer and freelance writer. Email him at [email protected].