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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Zwickelmania puts the taste buds to the test Neighbors fight cell tower proposal near Ashland Gov. Kitzhaber steps down, federal investigation begins Successor Kate Brown must run for election in 2016 Mt. Ashland offers shuttle service Education Levy supporters kick off campaign Bowling for knowledge Sharing black culture It's alive! SOU students create thought-provoking art Environment Mt. Ashland Ski Area celebrates snow GMO opponents can join Jackson County in defending ban Grant will help restore 'legacy' oak habitat in Southern Oregon and Northern California Mt. Ashland Ski Area crew dips to five Mt. Ashland Ski Area announces layoffs Business Ride & Drive: 2015 Dodge Challenger R/T Scat Pack Silvio Calabi: Range Rover Sport, the off-road GT Where do Ashland’s top chefs go to dine? 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Ashland Calendar: Feb. 14 ... Workers need more power ... Neighbors fight cell tower proposal near Ashland ... Ashland Calendar: Feb. 14 ... Workers need more power ... Movie review: 'Fifty Shades' of boring Comment DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Feb. 13, 2015 @ 12:01 am Posted Feb. 13, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Social News By Al Alexander More Content Now S&M is supposed to be painful, but not as painful as “Fifty Shades of Grey.” It unleashes a world of hurt, whipping you about the eyes and ears until you plea for mercy, which never comes. And that’s just the sex. The story is even worse. It’s supposed to be a romance, but plays like a long, boring business meeting in which the naughtiest bits are raised not in the bedroom, but the boardroom, where contract negotiations stagger on over the proposed merger of his manacles to her wrists. Arresting, it’s not. Titillating? Perhaps just a bit. How could you not be impressed by the impossibly well-toned bodies of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, both of whom throw modesty and their designer clothes to the wind. They may bare their skin, but the film never allows them to bare the souls of a pair of stock characters better suited to a Lifetime movie. She’s a naive virgin; he’s a worldly perv; but just what is it that makes Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey so appealing to the 100 million readers of E.L. James’ runaway best-seller? Having never read the book, I looked to director Sam Taylor-Johnson and screenwriter Kelly Marcel for answers, but they never offer a persuasive explanation. They mostly grasp to fill time between the much ballyhooed sex scenes, all of which are about as stimulating as a Cialis ad. They also share a strong allegiance to cliches, from Grey being a poor, sexually abused orphan who built himself into a 27-year-old techno giant, to Anastasia being a frightened fawn who buries her vast insecurities in English-lit novels. Both have mother issues, natch. His (a wasted Marcia Gay Harden) is over affectionate, hers (Jennifer Ehle) is so unfeeling she rudely skips her daughter’s graduation ceremony. And OMG! Is that really a mirror – a la Austin Powers – on Grey’s bedroom ceiling? All that’s missing is a cute puppy and a horndog BFF for Grey to confide. The movie also can’t seem to decide what it wants to be. At various times, it oscillates between drama, soft porn and romantic comedy, never establishing a clear identity. And don’t get me started on the coitus-interruptus ending that will satisfy no one but the studio hacks who mistakenly think it will make fans hungry for a sequel. More likely, they’ll be thirsting for a refund. More than anything, “Fifty Shades” lacks a reason to exist. It has no discernible story, no subtext and no point – beyond bringing a new meaning to “binding contract.” But most of what happens in Grey’s “playroom” stays in his playroom. All we get are tame shots of Anastasia bound and blindfolded. At one point, her arms are shackled to the ceiling, but the scene looks more like an outtake from “Zero Dark Thirty” than anything approaching erotic. Dornan doesn’t do himself any favors, portraying Grey without an ounce of pizzazz. When he drops the line, “I don’t do romance,” he’s not kidding. And what’s a sex movie without, excuse the pun, a penetrating leading man? Johnson, however, is a real find. Beautiful, charming and loaded with charisma, she’s the lone shining light. It’s almost eerie how much she reminds you of her mother, Melanie Griffith, especially given the similarities between “Fifty Shades” and “Working Girl,” which was also about a mousy woman learning to assert herself in the company of a stinking-rich suitor. Both films also share a love of money porn: the private jets and helicopters, the posh penthouses and exotic sports cars. But take away the cash, what do you have? In Dornan’s case, nothing. He’s so dull, and drags Johnson’s performance down so much, that when she says to Grey, “I need you to leave,” you nod your head in agreement and say, “You sure do!” FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (R for strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language.) Cast includes Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan and Marcia Gay Harden. Directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson. Grade: C- DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Feb. 13, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with DailyTidings.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Alerts Email alerts RSS feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 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