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--> --> Oct. 12: Baseball is belly bad for them By Larry Berteau Network flacks are flopping out of their cubicles like Vlade Divac faking a charging foul. Advertisers are deserting like Iraqi soldiers at a Veterans of Foreign Wars picnic. Sports editors are scrambling like the last three eggs at a souffle cookoff. The East Coast is toast. And we have baseball teams from Minneapolis, St. Louis, San Francisco and Anaheim to thank for it. ·   ·   · The Twins, Cardinals, Giants and Angels were underdogs in their division series in the first round of major league baseball's postseason strut to the World Series. Their opponents had homefield advantages, because they were supposed to be better. More importantly, for ad and network execs, the New York Yankees and Atlanta Braves - East Coast darlings each - were carrying the banner of sunrise supremacy and big media bucks in their playoff meetings. But the unthinkable happened. San Francisco scuttled Atlanta, and Anaheim clipped New York. The horror. Also, Minnesota beat Oakland (a yawner for East Coasters) and St. Louis eliminated the defending champions - Arizona (two yawns and a half-hour nap). ·   ·   · The result is a delicious home plate full of West Coast luvins. There are still four teams in the race, and there won't be a single game played east of the Mississippi River the rest of the way. Forget the lost revenue - who cares about network television, anyway? - but ponder the plight of East Coast newspapers. They won't even have the scores of the games in their morning editions. (Keep in mind there is only one afternoon newspaper in the top 50 circulation newspapers in America, and that's in - wince - Detroit.) Don't even bother trying to save that tiger. For East Coast baseball fans, the season is already over. No Yanks. No Braves. Heck, they may as well be Boston Red Sox fans. It's the saddest day in New York City since General Washington had to enlist the French navy to secure the harbor against the redcoats. It's the darkest day in Atlanta since Rhett Butler gave a damn. But for San Francisco, it's the revival of the Barbary Coast and reincarnation of Herb Caen, rolled into one. Suddenly, Coit Tower is the Statue of Liberty, the Museum of Modern Art is the Met, cable car operators are hacks, Market Street is North, South, East and West Peachtree, Japan Town is Little Italy, the Haight is Greenwich Village, and PacBell Park is Turner Field. Anaheim is no longer a suburb of Los Angeles (say goodnight Kevin Brown). Now, Disneyland is Coney Island, Knotts Berry Farm is Central Park, the Wax Museum is Grand Central Station, the Ramada Inn on South Lemon is the Plaza at Central Park South, and Edison International Field is in the Bronx. ·   ·   · And if all that is not enough of an upset, not one of the four teams remaining are among the top dozen teams in revenue or payroll. Shucks, the Minnesota Twins owner tried to contract his team - as in make it disappear - last offseason. Money can't buy me love, or a winner, is the new mantra of Major League Baseball. The Yankees are damned. The Braves are chopping wood. (Better yet, the Dodgers are teeing it up at the Riviera Country Club because they can't hit a moving ball.) And all is right with the world. Pass some East Coast toast, and slop on some southern peach marmalade. Slurp. Larry Berteau is editor of The Tidings. Email your... Technical questions & comments to: WebMaster Daily Tidings editorial comments & questions to: Editor Visit our other Oregon Newspapers... | Albany Democrat-Herald | Ashland Daily Tidings | Corvallis Gazette-Times | | Lebanon Express | Newport News-Times | Springfield News | Cottage Grove Sentinel | Ashland Daily Tidings 1661 Siskiyou Blvd. Ashland, OR 97520 Telephone 541-482-3456 © Copyright 2001 Lee Northwest Publishing