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Lost in Suburbia: One man's dog is another man's hissing cockroach Comment By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now Posted Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:22 AM By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now Posted Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:22 AM » Social News Occasionally, I actually do some research for one of my columns to make sure that I am being factually accurate about something as scientifically complex as the half-life of the average dog gas. Such was the case recently when I was working on an animal column (which, incidentally, was not about canine flatulence), and I stumbled upon one of those online, ask-any-question types of sites. Having the attention span of a 3-year-old, I immediately put my work aside and started scrolling down the page. Halfway down, I noticed that there were some other questions listed under the heading of “Open Questions — Pets.” That was when something caught my eye. The question was: “Does anyone know if you have to have a special permit to own a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach in Illinois?” The official answer, in case you were curious, is “No.” But the real answer is “EWWWWW!” I say again. “EWWWWW!!!” I happened to have lived many years in a slightly cockroach-infested apartment in New York City and while the roaches were not of the hissing variety, they were plenty gross. If one were to add “hissing” into the mix, I surely would have run screaming back to my parents’ house in the suburbs, forthwith. Of course the city cockroaches had nothing size-wise on their hissing cousins, and I was thankful that even though we had cockroaches, at least they were small and somewhat easy to squish. (Don’t judge. We did what we had to do). To think that someone would actually want to bring some mega-sized, hissing cockroaches into their home in Illinois, willingly and with intent to own, not only completely baffles me, it makes me question the sanity of the entire population of Illinois. Down in Florida where my parents live, they call cockroaches Palmetto bugs. These bugs don’t hiss either, but they are huge and they fly, which is the only thing I can think of that would be worse than a hissing cockroach. I’m not actually sure why someone would rename a cockroach a Palmetto bug, other than to think it might be more palatable when a huge Palmetto bug dive bombs your face rather than a cockroach. I have a brother who willingly moved to a house in Malibu that is frequented by scorpions, tarantulas and rattlesnakes. But to the best of my knowledge, he was an unwilling participant in these visits. In my house, we’ve had a dog, a bearded-dragon, a chinchilla, a couple of fish, and several children. Although some of them have done some nasty things occasionally, none of them hissed, or flew in my face, or hid in my utensil drawers and scattered when the lights came on. None of them hailed from Madagascar, bred 300 offspring every 60 days, or would survive an atomic winter and repopulate the earth. None of them was a hissing cockroach, but ONE of them, (lizard) would actually eat a hissing cockroach. Good to know if we ever move to Madagascar … or Illinois. Disclaimer: No cockroaches were harmed in the writing of this column, and also, I truly don’t have anything against the nice people of Illinois, except maybe the ones who own hissing cockroaches. — For more Lost in Suburbia, follow Tracy Beckerman on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage or on Twitter at @TracyinSuburbia. By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now Posted Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:22 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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