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- Subscribe - Contact Us - Rate Card - Place an Ad Valley&State Backpage O&E Sports Archives Classifieds Faith&Beliefs Obituaries Revels August 6, 2004 Downtown Life lessons come from dog training Andrew Scot Bolsinger I have had my ups and downs. I skipped fifth grade. High school was about sports, but I still passed - barely. I spread my wings in college and soared: cum laude, accolades, awards. On to graduate school. High demands, balancing a young family, job and doctoral program in psychology and a masters in theology. Ran out of money before it was all done, but still, I never failed in any type of school ever. Until puppy school. Teaching new tricks Two tries, two failures. The last time we were given the boot 10 minutes into the class. We left as the other doggies and their humans snickered. The pooch, Teddy Ballgame, is having a hard time fitting in. He doesn't think so though. But apparently everyone else does. For starters, hound dog prejudice is a problem. Teddy is a bully breed - an English Staffordshire Bull Terrier, also known as the "English nanny" for their pleasant disposition to kids - which put the dog behind the eight ball of prejudice before he even got started. What he thinks is playing strikes fear in the hearts of the other doggies and their owners. He gets off his leash, per the teacher's instruction, and promptly begins playing with the others, wrestling, jumping around, tossing other dogs on their backs and holding them down by the throat. He's happy as a prom queen on a float. Blissfully unaware Teddy is just a little unaware of how his happiness affects those around him. He clearly doesn't mind that a puppy Golden Retriever cowers under the chair. Or the large German Shepherd leaping onto his human's lap. I laughed at the sight of that one. The other human didn't. The result of all this chaos is Teddy's learning, and the learning of the other pups was, well, hindered. It's not that he doesn't ever learn. If the teacher wants him to do something, he snaps to attention like a Marine Corps private. When we have treats and nothing else to distract him, he can "sit" as if protesting with Gandhi, "wait," even "settle" for a second or two at least. But life isn't that easy. "Sit" has to work when a woman with a fancy dress and heels walks in with a purse that resembles a small kitten. "Wait" isn't really worth saying when Teddy puts a doggy headlock on a yipping beagle. When Teddy cornered a frilly little pooch my command of "come" must have sounded like, "scare the bejeezus of that dog," because eventually I had to pull him back. The frilly's owner sneered in a whisper meant for me to hear, "I didn't pay $600 for my dog to get mauled." The dastardly Teddy cost nearly double that, but I didn't figure this was the best time to try to keep up with the Mrs. Joneses. So this week, we were moved to our third class. Apparently it was a promotion, because the dogs are a bit older and they have to stay on leashes. Teddy didn't think it was much of a promotion, but everyone was a bit more relaxed. Trying again Despite our failures in school, Teddy and I are committed for the long haul. He will be socialized with other animals and he will be trained to the point where our friends start accepting invitations to our house again and our furniture isn't transformed into Shabby Chic, whether we like it or not. We have asked around about other training methods, considering everything from getting in touch with Teddy's "wolf side" and even attempting some forms of punishment. Teddy thinks doggy time-outs stink as much as any kindergartner, but following the punishment his attention span during the "we love you, but you have to behave," lecture leaves much to be desired. Teddy would be a perfect match for the rest of Ozzy Osbourne's pack. As the owners of THAT %(%*# $^$*&$ Dog, we can relate to the hard looks from other owners in the puppy classes. We pull our hair out at his stubbornness, while marveling at his intelligence, patience and personality. But we'll take the muddy tracks over our hardwood floors along with the dog's patient look as he gets tugged around from kid to kid. Later when my older, well-behaved dog, sits at my feet, I will remember the lesson Teddy taught me, one that perhaps every elementary school teacher knows intimately. Everyone, no matter how much they fail, has much to contribute and is very much worth the effort in understanding them and helping them to learn to adapt to the crazy rules that govern this great, big, stupid world we live in. Andrew Scot Bolsinger is the editor of the Daily Tidings and the author of a novel, "If Pennies Could Talk." Contact him at [email protected]. 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