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http:// --> Ashland, Oregon HOME Valley & State Sports Nation & World Opinion/Editorial Classifieds Business Columnists Local Issues Obituaries Weather Archive Revels Etcetera Backpage Hot Topics Most Viewed Forum Photo Galleries Video Readers Polls O-Zone Online Games Movie Preview Special Sections Real Estate Guide Menu Guide Shakespeare Subscribe Contact Us Rate Card Place an Ad Featured Galleries: February 26, 2007 Birthday parties By Jennifer Margulis Tidings Correspondent Jennifer Margulis Archives Monday January 8th Monday January 15th Monday January 22nd Monday January 29th Monday February 5th Monday February 12th Monday February 19th Monday February 26th Monday March 5th My daughter started planning her birthday several months ago. She and her sister Hesperus brainstormed about the invitations, the games, the cake and the piñata Athena would have. Today, when I was cleaning up piles of papers, I found some scribbled notes about the party and a handmade February calendar with the days X-ed out. "Are you sure you don't want to just have a quiet day at home and skip the party? Maybe you and a couple of friends could do something nice, like watch a movie?" I suggest at dinnertime. My "I'll-be-six-years-old-in-just-14-more-days!" daughter shakes her head. Her 7-year-old sister looks at me with shock on her face, incredulous that I would even suggest such an unthinkable option. "I want to have a party!" Athena cries. "But you didn't have that much fun at your party last year," I remind her gently. Last February my best friend Sue came from Portland and my husband, she and I stayed up late making a cut-out navy blue "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATHENA" banner, gluing together fairy wings for the kids, decorating the house with purple and pink streamers, and baking a chocolate cake with a hand drawn purple, pink, and yellow fairy on it, as well as cupcakes. Athena wanted to invite kids from her preschool, some of her older sister's friends, and several adults, including her preschool teacher and Hesperus's kindergarten teacher. But even though we have pictures of her with a wide smile on her face opening presents, she claimed afterward that she didn't have that much fun. The grown-ups talked to each other too much, and Hesperus played with Grace, which made her feel left out. But despite last year's disappointments Athena insists she wants a party. A party with a bunny piñata, Pin the Ears on the Bunny, musical chairs, a chocolate cake, and a slew of friends. ("I told Fatimata we're going to have goodie bags at my party, Mommy. And guess what? She didn't know what goodie bags are!") In addition to the party with friends, she wants to stay home on her birthday and have a family day, and also bring banana muffins to all of her classmates (since they won't all be invited to the weekend party) at school. My husband James and I started a precedent of having big shindigs when Hesperus was one. We made a banana bread ducky cake with mango webbed feet and blueberry purée water in the background. The party, of course, was more for us than for her, though Hesperus did love smashing fistfuls of the banana cake into her face, some of which made it into her mouth. I think my motivation behind having a thoughtful party was to make up for what I lacked as a kid. Since my birthday was in the summer, it always felt like none of my friends could come to my party, when I had one. Worse yet, my mother was almost never in the country on my birthday. My birthday month has always been a lonely time for me. Elaborate parties with homemade decorations were far from my family's agenda. So we've always had parties for our kids with the people and the themes and the things they love the most. We try to make them feel special on their birthday, and to create the kind of safe, happy, warm memories of childhood that I always imagine other people have. It's a lot of work. And now that my kids — all three of them — are at the age when they look forward to birthday parties with great anticipation, and talk about them for months before and afterwards, I find myself a little weary. Making a piñata out of flour and water, which takes three days to dry, isn't as healing as it once was. Today I colored the invitations: nine bunny rabbits drawn by Athena, while Hesperus addressed the envelopes and put different designs on each one. "When I have kids I'm going to buy everything for their birthday from a store!" Hesperus announces. "It's much better that way." I smile to myself. Even if the party's a bust, at least I'm giving my kids something to rebel against. Jennifer Margulis is the editor of the award-winning book "Toddler: Real-Life Stories of Those Fickle, Irrational, Urgent, Tiny People We Love" (Seal Press). Current Comments: getting used to the modern-day party planning (oh, I feel so old--we had ours in the backyard, but my mom made amazing cakes) is something, indeed. Really enjoyed reading what you manage to do, far away, making your own traditions... Gwendolen Gross - NJ - March 4th, 4:24 PM Leave a Comment: Advertisement: Advertisement: Paid Advertising: Debt Help Inkjet Printers Payday Loans Free Ringtones Debt Consolidation Security Systems Debt Relief New Hampshire Primary Advertisement: Copyright © 2007 Ashland Daily Tidings and Ottaway Newspapers. All Rights Reserved. Del.icio.us