Document text
0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Wednesday is Kiwanis International Day 'Love will have the final word' 10 things to know for Monday Getting a lift from climbing a tree Striking a balance Education Ashland schools expand chicken pox exclusion rules Students go behind the scenes at hospital Ashland robotics team aims to build a winner AHS ranked No. 7 by Niche College debt load balloons: What could, should be done? Environment The top five conservation success of 2014 Protestors want Keystone pipeline plans stopped New wandering wolf arrives in Southern Oregon Turning fire fuel threat into wood stove heat Ashland watershed trails would change under proposal Business Silvio Calabi: Ford Escape Still a Solid Player Ride & Drive: 2015 Cadillac Escalade Brammo bought by Polaris They have a plan Ashland coffee roasters win nationwide honors Politics and elections Chief Holderness retiring, wants to help find successor State News New wandering wolf arrives in Southern Oregon Police officer shoots armed driver near Reedsport Nation - World Obituaries James Henry Hopkins Robert Lawrence Death Notices Susan Lynne Schaffer Dolores M. Edwards Shareable Looking back: Do you remember 2014’s biggest stories? In memoriam: 2014’s notable deaths Sports Latest Stories Blazers win game, lose Aldridge to hand injury Seahawks see need for improvement Springfield takes advantage of Ashland letdown Leonard's strong return powers Spurs past Blazers Mariota wins Manning award High school Springfield takes advantage of Ashland letdown A Grizz sweep Comets press past Grizzlies Raiders put on a show Graham sparks Grizzly rout Southern Oregon University Springfield takes advantage of Ashland letdown Mariota wins Manning award Heisman winner Mariota says he's going to the NFL Buckeyes won title behind line play, Elliott and Jones Sayre says character key to SOU's success Opinion Latest Stories Guest Opinion: Save the ski area, bring the community together, end the divisive expansion Letters to the Editor, Jan. 19 Chris Honoré: The Lewis Glacier on Mount Kenya — an elegy Our View: King's other message Herb Rothschild Jr.: King's provocation Editorial Our View: King's other message Our View: A matter of survival Other Views: Get GMO rules right Our View: No benefit from LNG pipeline Our View: Putting slash to work Letters Letters to the Editor, Jan. 19 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 16 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 14 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 5 Letters to the Editor, Dec. 31 Guest opinions Chris Honoré: The Lewis Glacier on Mount Kenya — an elegy Herb Rothschild Jr.: King's provocation Guest Opinion: Bikes, hikers/equestrians need separate watershed trails Guest Opinion: SOU biomass burner would be big mistake Guest Opinion: City hiring policy is fair, unbiased Revels Latest Stories Community blog: Community gathers for William Stafford celebration Thanks for the Memories Theatre presents 'Cardenio' Best Bets: Jan. 15-22 A look at the life and vision of Martin Luther King Jr. 'Spotlight' highlights Orbison's life, music Theater Roy Orbison tribute hits high note Insights into the gifts theater offers off the stage Theater is an act of co-creation Music Roy Orbison tribute hits high note Jeff Kloetzel at Belle Fiore The Farr Side: Top 10 album count-up for 2014 Visual Art Schneider winter exhibits on tap: 'Baker's Dozen' and 'New Works' First Friday kicks off a new year Movies Interview: Jennifer Aniston works through her character’s pain in ‘Cake’ Movie review: ‘Blackhat’ is a frustrating 404 error Movie review: ‘A Most Violent Year’ is a gritty look at oily dealings in ’80s New York Movie review: Clint Eastwood shines as director in ‘American Sniper’ 'Selma' struggle remains relevant today Food and Drink Food for Thought: Wintertime wining and dining Cruelest Month: Poetry Blog Lifestyle Latest Stories Dr. Elaine Heffner: Kids need room for ingenuity Food for Thought: Beefing up your dinnertime Episode 18: Boomers' anti-establishment meetings now at senior center It Is What It Is: How to tell the difference between tattling and telling Kitchen Call: Try roasting these veggies Aging Happens Inner Peace Column Inner Peace Blog Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Photos Videos Blogs Business NEWS NOW Ashland author an Oregon Book Award finalist ... Calendar: Tuesday, Jan. 20 ... Chris Honoré: The Lewis Glacier on Mount Kenya — an elegy ... Ashland author an Oregon Book Award finalist ... Calendar: Tuesday, Jan. 20 ... Chris Honoré: The Lewis Glacier on Mount Kenya — an elegy ... It Is What It Is: How to tell the difference between tattling and telling Comment By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted Jan. 19, 2015 @ 7:56 am By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted Jan. 19, 2015 @ 7:56 am » Social News If someone asked you what your most worn hat was as a parent, what would you say? Quick, quick! Don’t think too much. I’m looking for the first answer that pops into your head. I wouldn’t be surprised if you said something like cook or chauffeur or venture capitalist. But if I had to bet money on what the most common answer would be, I’d bet my chips on referee. And that’s because, as parents, especially parents of multiple children, one of the roles we play most often is the role of adjudicator. We’re forever mediating over disputes. Big ones; small ones; legitimate ones; bogus ones. And without a Nanny Cam to prove guilt or innocence, you’re almost always screwed in terms of rendering fair and impartial decisions. That’s because your kids can always throw the ol’ you-weren’t-there-so-you-don’t-know line at you. And when that one comes out, the trial is pretty much over before it starts because there’s no comeback for it. Since the dawn of time, kids, especially siblings, have told on each other. It’s just a fact. And we all know it. It’s in the DNA. Even the ones with the best relationships bicker every once in a while. And while the origin of squabbling may have its roots in caves and lean tos, it hasn’t changed that much since homo became erectus. Think about it, in the beginning, in prehistoric times, brothers and sisters probably argued over who got to sleep closest to the fire pit or who got to wear the foofier pelt. Fast forward 100,000 years and they’re still fighting over territory and possessions, only now it’s who gets the bedroom closest to the bathroom and who stole whose North Face. Now, as an only child, I can’t relate to sibling rivalry. Which, unfortunately for me, is the argument that both my kids leverage against me whenever I’m playing referee. They say I just don’t understand what having an annoying sister or brother is like. Someone who’s constantly pushing your buttons, giving up secrets, and stealing your stuff (oh, wait, sorry, I mean “borrowing” your stuff). And because of my lack of sibling experience, I’m always at a disadvantage when I’m trying to settle an argument. So out of necessity, I’ve learned a few nifty tricks that help can help differentiate telling versus tattling. And lemme tell you, knowing how to tell the difference between the two can be a lifesaver when everyone’s looking to you to fairly resolve a dispute. Because let’s be honest, very few of us out there have formal law enforcement training, so we’ve got to take advantage of every shortcut we can to ensure that we can effectively keep the peace. That being said, here are a few nuggets I’ve acquired from having two daughters who like to get up in each other’s grill. I mean, they love each other and all, but I think they love hanging each other out to dry even more. I almost think it’s become a sport to them. So here’s some ammo that I think might help you fight the fight. How to tell when your child is telling: 1. They’re trying to keep themselves safe. 2. They’re concerned about someone else’s safety. 3. The situation they’ve come to you with is critical or urgent. 4. They’re concerned that someone may be hurt or in real danger. 5. They need an adult to help solve the problem. How to tell when your child is tattling: 1. They want to get someone else in trouble or avoid owning the blame. 2. They may have something to gain, like attention or popularity. 3. No one is hurt or in danger. 4. What they’re telling you is not an important problem and can be solved without an adult. 5. They threaten to tell on someone in an attempt to control that person. The bottom line here is that you’ve got to keep your eyes and ears open to exactly what your kids are telling you and, more importantly, learn to ask the right questions. It’s also important to understand what motivates kids to throw each other under the bus all the time. They’re kids and they’re learning. It’s as simple as that. They’re trying to build their moral infrastructure and they’re not always sure which pieces go where. At least not in the beginning. So along with the good listening and good detective skills, we all need to drizzle a whole lotta patience into the mix, too. Because, as bizarre as this may sound, the tattling and telling does evolve. I promise. Eventually, most of them get it and the fights at least become more authentic and justified. And if they don’t, well, then there’s always juvie. That’ll definitely do the trick. Lisa Sugarman lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Read and discuss all her columns at itiswhatitiscolumn.wordpress.com. She is also the author of “LIFE: It Is What It Is,” available on Amazon.com. By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted Jan. 19, 2015 @ 7:56 am » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with DailyTidings.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Alerts Email alerts RSS feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Local Media Group Publications Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted. DailyTidings.com | P.O. Box 1108, Medford, OR 97501