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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW Our View: Climate of confusion ... Guest Opinion: A family tragedy revisited ... OSF community dialogue series continues Saturday ... Our View: Climate of confusion ... Guest Opinion: A family tragedy revisited ... OSF community dialogue series continues Saturday ... Wry & Ginger: Readers Holden their own in name game Comment By Sid McKeen More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Apr. 6, 2015 at 9:42 AM By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Apr. 6, 2015 at 9:42 AM » Social News When Kraft and Heinz got hitched the other day at the altar of big business, it didn’t mean a whole lot to me, except that now, I guess, I may not feel so silly daubing a little ketchup on my mac and cheese. Ever since I was a little sprout growing up in Maine, I’ve been what they call a “finicky” eater, which is to say I ate a very limited diet — potatoes mostly, which grew in abundance in my native state. During the Great Depression, we existed one whole year on potatoes and pork gravy, except that I passed on the gravy. I never knew why they called the depression “great.” Nobody in my family did, I know that. My indifference to the Kraft-Heinz merger lies in the fact that it yields no funny name for the new corporation. I’d dearly love to see Netflix combine with Yahoo, for example, giving us — if not better movies or online search engines — a new entry on the stock market — Netanyahu. I can’t take any credit for this trio, but I rate them all first class: Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Co., to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace, 3M with Goodyear to result in MMM-Good, and Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Krispy Crackers to form Poly Warner Cracker. The origin of my interest in corporate names began years ago when I still had dark hair, long sideburns and horn-rimmed glasses. I dreamed up a list of companies that ought to exist in more fitting locales around the country. It included such would-be businesses and organizations as: - Neverfail Parachute Co. of Great Falls, Montana. - Midwest Association of Quince Growers of Minneapolis, Minnesota. - Ajax Cesspool Service of Flushing, Long Island, New York. - Ford Motors of Chevy Chase, Maryland. - Burr Saddle Co. of Rocky Mount, North Carolina. - Weird Halloween Costumes of Erie, Pennsylvania. - Goodyear Tire Co. of Wheeling, West Virginia. Column readers by the score got into the spirit of it all, sending in their own make-believe lists, including: - American Bar Association of Sioux City, Iowa. - Small Animal Cemetery of Shrewsbury, Massachusetts. - Dr. Scholl’s Foot Products of Calais, Maine (funny only if you know the town is called “callous” by the folks). - National Rifle Association of Ames, Iowa. - Lions Club of Aurora, Illinois. - MENSA International of Superior, Wisconsin. - Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Singing in America of Harmony, Maine. In all, I accumulated eight full pages of such tomfoolery during 1992 and 1993. I only wish I’d saved them all. I didn’t, nor do I still have my collection of baseball cards, which might have been worth a small fortune today. Why do I keep having this feeling that somebody should start a company in Hannibal, Missouri and call it Hannibal Lectern Incorporated. Probably so they could use the slogan “Nevertheless, We Stand Behind It.” Sid McKeen can be reached at [email protected]. By Sid McKeen More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Apr. 6, 2015 at 9:42 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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