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3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Police Reports Locally grown businesses bid for micro-investor attention Service clubs: Rotary Club of Ashland Lithia Springs AARP offers free tax aid Should the city regulate outdoor pot growing? Education Grizzlies shine at Eugene speech tourney Ashland High School named among best in the state High school Student of the Month: Jackson Richmond Senior party fundraising starts The birdman of Bellview Environment The birdman of Bellview Controlled burn planned for Ashland watershed on Friday Mt. 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John Kitzhaber's statement on his resignation Legislative leaders join in call for Kitzhaber resignation (updated) Nation - World Obituaries Mary Ann (Schuler) Hill Death Notices Death Notices Death Notices Richard Nudelman, 70 years Shareable Bank of America is predicting a massive Tesla collapse Mars One attracts science fiction geeks and people who hate society This $1 million Mercedes is like an armored private jet for the road Sports Latest Stories Raiders survive Grizz boys fend off Eagles, earn second straight win Raiders roll into CCC semis Fantasy Sports: Youth is the way to go when stocking up at second A man among boys High school Grizz boys fend off Eagles, earn second straight win Malcolm's big night powers Ashland past N. 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Our View: Pot tax fairness Editorial Our View: A change of scenery Our View: Pot tax fairness Our View: Cellular dissonance Our View: Keep pot programs separate Our View: A welcome decision Letters Letters to the Editor, Feb. 25 Letters to the Editor, Feb. 24 Feb. 20: Letters at length Feb. 18: Letters to the editor Letters to the Editor, Feb. 14 Guest opinions Guest Opinion: Growth carries risks Guest Opinion: Legal poisons in our waters Chris Honoré: Public schools: separate, still unequal Guest Opinion: Why so anxious to tax marijuana? Herb Rothschild Jr.: A good day for peace Columns Changes in latitude Michelle Teheux: Will we keep heading down the wrong path? Guest Opinion: Growth carries risks Council Corner: Volunteerism and its impact in Ashland Honoré: GOP’s health care strategy Chris Honore Council Corner Editor's Notes Jeffrey Gillespie Herb Rothschild Revels Latest Stories Listings for Varsity Theatre and Ashland Street Cinemas HAPA plays the Historic Ashland Armory SOU presents 'She Stoops to Conquer' 'Mr. Turner' paints an intense portrait 'Much Ado About Nothing' kicks off OSF's 2015 season Theater SOU presents 'She Stoops to Conquer' Ticket Availability SOU's 'The Glass Menagerie' is memory — and memorable Ticket Availability Joyous re-launch of 'Dames at Sea' Music Victor D. 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Our View: A change of scenery ... Calendar: Thursday, Feb. 26 ... Changes in latitude ... Our View: A change of scenery ... Calendar: Thursday, Feb. 26 ... Dr. Elaine Heffner: Oscars and reality By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Feb. 24, 2015 @ 12:01 am By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Feb. 24, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2324,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> In California recently, I was with two 11-year-old girls who were excited about watching the Oscars. Being in California meant that the awards would start at 6 p.m., which meant they could actually stay up to watch the whole thing. They love the movies, saying they would rather watch a movie than read a book, although they really didn’t know much about the ones nominated and were not rooting for any movie in particular. Mostly, they liked comedies. The one thing they don’t like and don’t want to see is violence. I said they have a lot of real violence around them these days and wondered if they ever get to discuss this in school. One of the girls said that they have talked some about terrorism. Her teacher knows a lot but doesn’t think it is her place to discuss these things in class. Thinking about this, I wondered if this reflects a concern in schools about discussing subjects that might have political overtones, or a more general concern that parents might not want their children exposed to discussions of matters that may have an emotional impact. Also, parents often want to protect their children from knowledge or awareness of things that are going on in the world. Much of the news is frightening, and we want our children to feel safe and secure. But for better or worse, it is no longer possible to keep things from children. The old divide between childhood and adulthood no longer exists. Children no longer have to be able to read to know what is going on in the world. Television and tablets bring them news in pictures. We may try to keep children from watching the news, but they are connected in other ways and it is hard to know what they are picking up. We have to assume they know more than we think they do about events around them. What we don’t always know is what they make of the information they are getting. A child’s response to events is influenced by where they are in their development as well as by general personality. Some children are more fearful than others, some have more anxiety. Young children don’t easily distinguish between fantasy and reality. Even what may seem non-threatening information may be received and integrated differently in a child’s imagination. Yet information that is upsetting to us may seem to roll off a child’s back. Parents sometimes worry when children seem not to to react to things that happen in the way they expect. Children are concrete, and things happening outside their immediate lives or family may not have much relevance for them. Hopefully, parents know their children well and have some idea about how a child may process certain information. It is by talking with children about well publicized events that we can learn what they are taking in and help them absorb information in a way that they can best handle. Often, it is our own anxiety we feel rather than our children’s. We wish to protect them from what we ourselves are feeling when actually they may be in another place. We also want to protect them from reality, and it is hard to hear the kind of news that threatens those wishes. Part of growing up is learning that parents are not all powerful and will not always be able to protect them. It is through our understanding and emotional support that we empower them. Perhaps the Oscars offer parents and children a fantasy world everyone wants now and then. Elaine Heffner, LCSW, Ed.D., has written for Parents Magazine, Fox.com, Redbook, Disney online and PBS Parents, as well as other publications. She has appeared on PBS, ABC, Fox TV and other networks. Dr. Heffner is the author of “Goodenoughmothering: The Best of the Blog,” as well as “Mothering: The Emotional Experience of Motherhood after Freud and Feminism.” She is a psychotherapist and parent educator in private practice, as well as a senior lecturer of education in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. Dr. Heffner was a co-founder and served as director of the Nursery School Treatment Center at Payne Whitney Clinic, New York Hospital. And she blogs at goodenoughmothering.com. By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now DailyTidings.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Feb. 24, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with DailyTidings.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Alerts Email alerts RSS feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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