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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories 10 things to know for Wednesday Calendar: Wednesday, Oct. 29 Second write-in candidate makes commission position a contest Guide promotes better food system Will TV makeover do the trick for Mystic Treats? Education Every minute counts, so make punctuality a habit Helman students illustrate kindness, love SOU's 'Count Me In' campaign raises $210,000 Fun, fundraising and art at Helman Elementary School Ashland mourns death of former coach Stan Gida Environment Rite Aid cub well, could come back to southern Oregon Report: Smaller streams need further protection Bear cub wanders into Rite Aid Kalmiopsis' future at stake if mining goes forward Fires and forests evolved together, but now people are in the mix Business Shenandoah Living Funerals Will TV makeover do the trick for Mystic Treats? 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Grizzlies drop-kick Eagles Grizzlies row to raise money for regatta Southern Oregon University Raiders move up to No. 5 in Top 25 No. 11 SOU volleyball team returns home for two key matches Ashland mourns death of former coach Stan Gida SOU football team falls to No. 7 in NAIA rankings No. 4 SOU, No. 3 Carroll to square off in Frontier Conference showdown Opinion Latest Stories Guest Opinion: An aristocracy of the people Other Views: Help for Oregon's forests Granlund cartoon: Haunted White House 2014 Our View: The Hills are alive Granlund cartoon: Midterm elections Editorial Other Views: Help for Oregon's forests Our View: The Hills are alive Our View: Fix the 'free speech zone' Our View: Cheering Ashland's own Kitzhaber is the better choice Letters Letters to the Editor, Oct. 24 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 23 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 21 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 21 Letters to the editor Guest opinions Guest Opinion: An aristocracy of the people Teaching the First Amendment Guest Opinion: Media are part of the pot prohibition problem Wilderness successes could be lost if funding not restored Religion and politics in America Revels Latest Stories Community blog: Celebrating Dylan Thomas Listings for Varsity Theatre and Ashland Street Cinemas Repertory singers prepare 'powerful' opening concert Griffin heads to Historic Ashland Armory Best Bets Oct. 23-30 Theater New plays debut at ANPF Music Repertory singers prepare 'powerful' opening concert Q&A: Broken Down Guitars The Farr Side: Bryan Adams releases album of influential hits Tutunov Piano Series begins at SOU Q&A: Becky Alter Visual Art Ashland's First Friday Art Walk Movies Movie review: ‘Whiplash’ hits high notes Movie review: ‘Birdman,’ Keaton soar Listings for Varsity Theatre and Ashland Street Cinemas 'Fury' shows the grim toll of war Listings for Varsity Theatre and Ashland Street Cinemas Food and Drink Cruelest Month: Poetry Blog Lifestyle Latest Stories 5 Things to Do This Weekend (Oct. 31-Nov. 2) Dear Monty: 10 tips toward a quality offer on a home Lost in Suburbia: Don’t mess with my pumpkins, man Dave Ramsey: Extra savings takes away volatility Definitions that mislead, rather than inform Aging Happens Inner Peace Column Inner Peace Blog Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Photos Videos Blogs NEWS NOW Guest Opinion: An aristocracy of the people ... Calendar: Wednesday, Oct. 29 ... Our View: The Hills are alive ... Guest Opinion: An aristocracy of the people ... Calendar: Wednesday, Oct. 29 ... Our View: The Hills are alive ... Lost in Suburbia: The itsy bitsy case of indigestion DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Oct. 22, 2014 @ 12:01 am Posted Oct. 22, 2014 @ 12:01 am » Social News By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now I recently read that the average person will ingest eight spiders in his or her lifetime. Apparently, this happens when we are sleeping, which would make sense, because I don’t know anyone in their right mind who would choose to eat a spider when they’re conscious, except maybe my dog. While this might explain that full feeling I sometimes have when I wake up, I was reluctant to believe that even one spider would willingly climb into bed with me and take a kamikaze dive into my mouth. I’ve smelled my morning breath. It would kill anything smaller than an elephant upon impact. Moreover, being a light sleeper, I’m pretty sure I would wake up if I felt someone or something tickling my tongue. It’s just not the kind of thing you can continue to sleep through. I have to imagine that somewhere in the deep recesses of my sleeping mind, it would register that a spider was crawling into my mouth, and before you could say “Charlotte’s Web,” I’d be wide awake and spitting that sucker across the bedroom floor. This is not to say that I haven’t eaten a few bugs accidentally over the years. I distinctly remember the joy of flying down a big hill on my bike when I was kid, and then the feeling of pure horror as a bug flew into my mouth and down my throat. I had no idea what kind of bug it was, other than the knowledge that it buzzed and crunched before it went down. Distraught, I told my mother, who responded that it was just a little extra protein in my diet that day. Still, it’s one thing to inadvertently inhale a beetle, and quite another to find out that an army of spiders are playing tonsil hockey with you on their way down to your stomach. Since I do not believe everything I read on the Internet, I decided to do a little research into the matter to help allay my fears. The first site I checked said we swallow four spiders in our lifetime. That was better, but still not great news. The second site I checked said the number was closer to 20. After reading that, I felt compelled to wash my mouth out with Listerine and lay down with a cool washcloth across my head. But then I was worried I might fall asleep and swallow a spider, so I got up and went back on the Internet. Another site said we swallow a pound of spiders over our lifetime. According to the site, that would be about 20,000 average-sized house spiders. I decided this information must be flawed. If we had 20,000 spiders in our house, I wouldn’t BE in the house long enough to swallow them. I finally decided to check out Snopes.com, the go-to site for verification of urban myths. According to them, the whole thing is a made-up crock of arachnids. Flies, however, are another thing. Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage. 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