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Giving time to teens Mail Tribune / Andrew Mariman Anthony Shaffer, 12, returns the ball in a friendly game of Ping-Pong with his mentor, Bob Sharp. The two took a break from preparing a dessert that was judged in a contest this week. Sharp had a cooking timer in his pocket. Program needs mentors with five hours a month to help young people By MELISSA MARTIN Medford fireman Bob Sharp is no chef, but he knows what makes a good dessert - butter and sugar. And the most Kennedy sixth-grader Anthony Shaffer has done in the kitchen is stir a pot of macaroni and cheese. But the two whipped up a Christmas tree cake decorated with maraschino cherries and pineapples to enter in a dessert baking contest. "We're trying for the best looking, but we'll settle for the best tasting," Sharp said. They didn't win in any category but they had fun, one of the objectives of Help a Teen Succeed, the region's oldest mentor program. "We ask mentors to take five hours a month out of their lives to help young people," said Clem O'Hara, HATS director. She's teaching an orientation session at 7 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 24, for folks who want to donate their time - not just their money - this holiday season. Tips for parents of teens - Take your teenager out for breakfast or lunch once a week. Promise yourself that you won't use that time to lecture or nag. Just listen and talk about good stuff. - Next time your teenager tells you a joke, laugh. - Invite your teenager's friends to your house for pizza, soft drinks and a movie rental. Extra points if you can secure a big-screen TV or video projector. - Make a list of all the things your teenager does that make you mad. Now go through the list and cross off all the stuff that doesn't really matter. Save your anger only for those things that have lasting moral consequences. - Let your teenager open a checking account. Then allow him or her to shop for clothes and other necessities. This will help your teenager learn responsibility and self-control. - Think of something positive you can say to your teenager today and say it. - Put a love note (from you) in your teenager's backpack or lunch sack. - Ask your teenager to play his/her favorite music on your stereo. Listen and discuss the music with him or her. Find out why he/she likes it so much. Try to avoid criticism. - Before you criticize your teenager's behavior, try remembering your own teenage years. Chances are it will help you communicate better. - Respect your teenager's privacy. Snooping without a legitimate reason is a no-no. - Love your spouse. A strong family provides security for teenagers. From: Understanding Your Teenager, www.uyt.com HATS has 35 mentors, ages 20 to 70, representing all walks of life, from nurses, and mill workers, to teachers and business people, O'Hara said. They work with 35 students ages 11 to 17. But another 75 kids are on a waiting list. "I like my mentor," said Anthony, 12. "He's willing to do things with me. He's cool and he takes me places." On Monday after school, Sharp and Anthony prepared the Christmas tree batter, then carried a kitchen timer to the basement so they could play Ping-Pong until the cake was done. "My job is to be there and be a friend," said Sharp. "Sometimes as the student gets older, if I see them making wrong choices, I have to tell them, 'Here's where a real friend will tell you the truth.' " Mentors don't have to invest much time. Once a month, HATS holds a dinner for the mentor/student teams. And there are quarterly activities, such as Tuesday's dessert contest. "These are kids who have no support system," O'Hara said. "Many come from single homes where the mom is working all day. They come home from school and nobody's there. Often there is no dad involved or maybe the mom and dad are in the middle of a divorce." HATS was started by the Job Council and CBEC, a Medford School District program that linked businesses with schools, according to founder Eileen Ashpole. Rogue Valley Youth for Christ/Campus Life took it over when funding was cut in 1996. "You don't have to be multitalented, dynamic or have lots of hobbies to be a mentor," said Brad Bills, director of Campus Life. "All students want is a little attention, consistency and love." HATS mentors must have police background checks. Applications are available at Campus Life, 400 Crater Lake Ave., Medford. Reach reporter Melissa Martin at 776-4497, or e-mail [email protected] Mail Tribune Home | Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. | Dow Jones & Co., Inc. | Privacy | Contact Us Copyright � 2001 Mail Tribune, Inc.