Document text
0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW Wolf once believed to be dead shows up near Crater Lake ... One of Oregon's two health insurance co-ops says it will shut down ... Rogue Valley gubernatorial candidate blasts Gov. Brown on climate change ... Wolf once believed to be dead shows up near Crater Lake ... One of Oregon's two health insurance co-ops says it will shut down ... Rogue Valley gubernatorial candidate blasts Gov. Brown on climate change ... Wry & Ginger: Cable news of future a different breed Comment By Sid McKeen More Content Now MailTribune.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Mar. 9, 2015 at 9:19 AM By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Mar. 9, 2015 at 9:19 AM » Social News Care to hear my prediction for the Next Big Thing in the world of cable television news, with its insatiable appetite for keeping viewers entertained around the clock? OK, here it is: network-owned animal farms. Remember, you heard it here first. Why would the networks want to invest in their own little zoos? Stand by, as they say on air, and I’ll tell you right after this message from our sponsors. On second thought, forget the commercial break, let’s get right to it now — an invitation you’re not likely to get on the tube anytime soon. Say you’re an executive in charge of news at one of the handful of cable news outlets. Your job is to see that your network keeps up with what’s going down all over the globe, minute by minute. And if nothing is happening of note — often the case — to keep a supply of talking heads at the ready to chatter about what happened 20 minutes ago or may happen tomorrow. No easy task, keeping all those balls bouncing. Enter the network-owned animal farms. These would exist in all the major markets and be stocked 24 hours a day with an assortment of playful monkeys, cub bears, pandas, zebras, kangaroos, ostriches, penguins, peacocks and other colorful and generally less ferocious species of animal life. And — oh yes — llamas. It’s important we not forget llamas because it was two of that genus that got me to thinking about this new approach to cable news. It was one of your more-or-less typical afternoons. Savage beheadings in the Middle East. Russian soldiers sacking Ukraine. Severe strains in the Israeli-American alliance. Superbugs threatening new pandemics. Enter two llamas in Sun City, Arizona, trucked earlier to a retirement center to entertain senior citizens. One black, one white. Suddenly they bolted free and ran pell-mell through city streets for an hour while would-be captors tried to rescue them with ropes. Within minutes, cable TV networks were all over the breaking “news’” beaming play-by-play across the dial, and social media flipped out from coast to coast, with 700 tweets a minute blazing across the internet. YouTube quickly set the whole thing to music — Rossini’s William Tell Overture, more familiarly known as the Lone Ranger’s theme song. CNN went so far as to bring a llama into its newsroom for a live tongue-in-cheek interview. It was the story of the day, the week and possibly the month. Now, if a pair of salt-and-pepper llamas can generate that kind of fervor — sweeping holy wars, pestilence and end-of-the-world prophecies right off the screens — what’s to stop the broadcast media and bloggers from faking future stories involving other of God’s creatures ? With their own animal farms to supply the content, the news honchos at Fox, CNN and MSNBC could fill up their programming on slow news days by opening the gates and setting their livestock free to roam at random through the countryside, piling up unheard-of ratings. And if that proves a success, they could consider establishing their own nurseries to feature real babies in cutefests guaranteed to draw millions of viewers. Anything that gets us off the horrible news fare we’ve been enduring should be welcome. And we’re looking another presidential election campaign in the face already. Bring on the kiddies and kangaroos. Sid McKeen is a columnist for The Worcester (Mass.) Telegram & Gazette. He can be reached at [email protected]. By Sid McKeen More Content Now MailTribune.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Mar. 9, 2015 at 9:19 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... Business Name address Location, ST | website.com Find Southern Oregon Attractions Bars Restaurants Beauty Salons Entertainment Doctors Medical Specialists Contractors Education Lawn Services Lawyers Shopping Travel Tanning Used Cars Wedding Services ▼ Add your business here + Events Calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Propel Marketing Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Mobile Site Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Local Media Group Publications Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted. MailTribune.com | P.O. Box 1108, Medford, OR 97501