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3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Medford cites 'conflict of interest' in study on Coquilles' proposed casino Pot issues leave Medford council dazed Medford Little Feet Children's Shoes burglarized in downtown Jackson County planning commissioners: Don't over-regulate marijuana dispensaries Lisa the pig, an icon at Sanctuary One, dies Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Medford Little Feet Children's Shoes burglarized in downtown Emergency services: March 12 Drug search warrant leads to two Medford arrests Rogue River man convicted of kidnapping, assault In the national spotlight Politics and Elections Arthur I. Cyr: South Korea represents long-term triumph – for them and for US Special election: Jackson County voters OK marijuana tax Ex-Merkley aide chosen as Oregon secretary of state Ashland: Budget increase, swimming pool funding discussion on council agenda Judge upholds Phoenix's moratorium on medical marijuana dispensaries Education Medford School District calls foul on teachers union Supporters rally to back beleaguered principal St. Mary's reaches out to China Work your body to save your braaaaains Inert grenade spurred White Mountain Middle School evacuation Environment Low snow closes Mt. Ashland bunny hill chairlift DEQ issues fines over illegal White City dumping site Catastrophic wildfires expected in Southern Oregon this summer The new normal under climate change? Lost Creek Lake algae bloom subsides State News Man languishes in Oregon jail, hasn't commit a crime Judge sides with Oregon, sends Oracle case to state court Strippers make case to Oregon legislators for work improvements Brown ends contract with Kitzhaber adviser-business owner Warm February takes toll on West's snowpack Nation - World Obituaries Death Notices Norma Catherine Morgan Marlene Milliron (Smock) Monica Louise Revel William F. 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Cyr: South Korea represents long-term triumph – for them and for US Our View: Medford native Dave Frohnmayer leaves legacy of distinguished service Letters to the Editor, March 12 George Will: The Export-Import Bank's tenacious grip Dana Milbank: Republicans set up a breakaway nation Editorials Our View: Medford native Dave Frohnmayer leaves legacy of distinguished service Our View: Medford council shouldn't over-regulate backyard pot gardens Our View: Atkins a safe choice for secretary of state Our View: Driving voter turnout is no sure thing for Oregon Our View: Cheers and Jeers Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, March 12 Letters to the Editor, March 11 Letters to the Editor, March 10 Letters to the Editor, March 9 Letters to the Editor, March 8 Columns Arthur I. Cyr: South Korea represents long-term triumph – for them and for US George Will: The Export-Import Bank's tenacious grip Dana Milbank: Republicans set up a breakaway nation Kathleen Parker: Adolescent senators dunking the president Kent Bush: Things will never change unless we change them Guest Opinions Guest Opinion: There is nothing uniform about the Uniform Crime Report GUEST OPINION: Police, community should work to prevent profiling Guest Opinion: Don't overregulate Oregon's hemp industry Guest Opinion: Predatory banking practices bilk citizens Guest Opinion: Is less education the answer? Lifestyle Latest stories Lisa the pig, an icon at Sanctuary One, dies Community blog: The Best Way to Prevent Cat and Dog Deaths Community blog: Can Twentysomething Depression Be�Healed? Religion News: Austria defends new law on mosque funding Dr. Murray Feingold: What’s your excuse for being late? Food Community blog: Fewer and fewer of us eschew brilliant beets Season Stepp: Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with authentic Irish recipes Page H. Onorato: The 10 commandments for the Southern cook Page H. Onorato: Try out this hot stuff in your kitchen on a cold night Serra storms Seattle Home and Garden Using universal design Dear Monty: Successful rezoning property requires a plan Garden Cameos: Time to give your garden a new look Carol Link: Eradicate weeds completely, use edgers to help keep thrift on slope Paul Rogers: Daylight Saving, full moon hopeful signs for spring Health Community blog: Can Twentysomething Depression Be�Healed? Dr. Murray Feingold: What’s your excuse for being late? Community blog: The Future is Now Dr. Murray Feingold: Cognitive-behavioral therapy shown to help hoarders Dr. Jeff Hersh: Gallstones affect 25 percent of American women Hiking Biking Faith More religion events in the Rogue Valley Religion Briefs Religion briefs, Feb. 27 Religion briefs: Friday, Feb. 20 Religion News: Pope makes surprise shantytown visit Milestones and Achievements Exercise helps special-needs kids adjust to airport procedures Engagement: Workman-Wright Anniversary: Hofer Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Randall Theatre presents playwright Bernard Slade's comedy Nitty Gritty Dirt Band co-founder John McEuen performs at the Unitarian Fellowship in Ashland Warren G. performs at the Historic Ashland Armory Thanks for the Memories presents 'Anastasia' OSF Hip-Hop Poetry Open Mic Theater Randall Theatre presents playwright Bernard Slade's comedy Thanks for the Memories presents 'Anastasia' TMTO's 'Bye Bye Birdie' takes flight Brava! Opera presents classic Mozart and Poulenc Review: 'Fingersmith' a twisting thriller with love Music Nitty Gritty Dirt Band co-founder John McEuen performs at the Unitarian Fellowship in Ashland The Farr Side: Madonna — ever the trendsetter Warren G. performs at the Historic Ashland Armory Zepdrix! 'Shook, Rattled and Rolled' ZEPDRIX! at the Historic Ashland Armory Community Events Ashland Independent Film Festival announces this year's lineup OSF Hip-Hop Poetry Open Mic Ashland's First Friday Art Walk showcases new exhibits by regional artists Jesse Lawson and Joe Moxley host 'Barkeeper' Third Fridays showcases local artists Dining Serra storms Seattle Sakura Japanese Sushi Restaurant opens in new location Restaurant Inspections: Sunday, March 1 Great Outdoor Grill offers healthful options Restaurant Inspections: Sunday, Feb. 22, 2015 Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obits Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines/Special Sections Business Services NEWS NOW Medford cites 'conflict of interest' in study on Coquilles' proposed casino ... Pot issues leave Medford council dazed ... Medford Little Feet Children's Shoes burglarized in downtown ... Medford cites 'conflict of interest' in study on Coquilles' proposed casino ... Pot issues leave Medford council dazed ... Medford Little Feet Children's Shoes burglarized in downtown ... Dr. Elaine Heffner: Do mothers take the brunt of disrespect? By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Mar. 10, 2015 @ 12:01 am By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Mar. 10, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2325,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> In a conversation with a mother of a teenager, she reported that her son was complaining about the disrespectful way some of his peers talked to each other. She pointed out to him that some of his examples sounded a lot like the way he talks to her at times. His response was, “That’s different – you’re my mother.” The implication was that talking to mom meant being able to say anything you please. Many parents complain that their children are not respectful. Is this a gender issue or has it to do with the nature of the relationship between mother and child? Mothers generally say children listen better to, and are less likely to defy, their fathers. On the other hand, many fathers also complain about lack of respect from their children. Significant social changes have had an impact on parent/child relationships. Many mothers work full time and are not the primary caregivers for their children. More than ever before, fathers are primary caregivers or much more involved with the care of their children. Nevertheless, in general mothers carry their babies in their bodies and experience a close connection to them, especially if they are nursing. There is disagreement about the role of biology in the mother/child relationship. To whatever degree biology plays a role, the early bond is strong. Beyond that, mother is most often both the first gratifier of needs and source of frustration. The reality is that life in the real world instead of the womb imposes some frustration. Little by little babies face expectations that differ from their wish for total gratification. Both gratification and frustration get attached to mother. Some have speculated that this dual role played by the mother in infancy and early childhood is the source of hostility or ambivalence to women generally. Be that as it may, mothers are often seen as more in touch with children’s needs and wishes while fathers are thought to be more demanding. The tie between mother and child is often an ambivalent one, presenting challenges in achieving separation. The feeling that you can talk to your mother any way you wish may be due to the idea of unconditional love connected to the “good mother” ideal. For some children, disrespectful language or behavior may actually be a way of testing whether or not they are loved unconditionally. Some mothers feel they should accept such behavior to demonstrate to a child that he or she is loved in that way. Part of the problem lies in the difficulty of distinguishing between feelings and behavior. When children encounter disapproval for their behavior they are known to say that parents don’t love them. Mothers tend to be vulnerable to the expression of such feelings. In part because of the strong feelings they do have for their children but also a misguided idea of being a “good” mother. Part of our role as parents is to teach children to behave appropriately. To fill that role a mother – or father – should be prepared to accept a child’s hostility as well as love. Children don’t like being corrected – most adults don’t either. So we may strive to teach and correct in a way that enables our children to hear us. Speaking to parents disrespectfully is not acceptable. The same is true of the way we, as parents, talk to our children. We need to monitor ourselves as we correct our children. Neither mothers – nor fathers – should get the brunt of the unacceptable expression of feelings by their children. We can respect the feelings while rejecting the disrespect. Elaine Heffner, LCSW, Ed.D., has written for Parents Magazine, Fox.com, Redbook, Disney online and PBS Parents, as well as other publications. She has appeared on PBS, ABC, Fox TV and other networks. Dr. Heffner is the author of “Goodenoughmothering: The Best of the Blog,” as well as “Mothering: The Emotional Experience of Motherhood after Freud and Feminism.” She is a psychotherapist and parent educator in private practice, as well as a senior lecturer of education in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. Dr. Heffner was a co-founder and served as director of the Nursery School Treatment Center at Payne Whitney Clinic, New York Hospital. And she blogs at goodenoughmothering.com. By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Mar. 10, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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