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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories 10 things to know for Monday City ready to rein in bad dog owners Josephine County scrambles to house juvenile offenders Travel funds would help disabled woman reconnect with her father Get Up & Go: Dec. 22 Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Josephine County scrambles to house juvenile offenders Emergency Services Emergency services Emergency services Police search for pursuit suspect near Hyatt Lake Politics and Elections State certifies recount showing failure of GMO-labeling measure Time running out for O&C funds GMO vote recount still shows little change GMO labeling votes recounted under careful watch in Jackson County Kent Bush: First Amendment doesn’t mean what you think it means Education Ruch school class focuses on the natural environment Bethel Church helps families at McLoughlin Middle School Logos may offer students 'fifth year' at RCC or SOU St. Mary's plays host to youth robotics tournament A lesson in giving Environment Biologist resigns over LNG reporting failure Bird flu discovered in Winston backyard flock Jackson County holds back on enforcing GMO ban for now No fish, no funding for problem dams Most residents speak against gas pipeline State News Questions remain in death of Oklahoma teen Impostor makes off with Salvation Army donations in Corvallis, Albany Faith-healing couple sentenced to 10 years for death of diabetic daughter Uber suspends operations in Portland for 3 months Group challenges timber producer's 'green' label Nation - World Obama makes Maduro’s ‘insolent Yankees’ line harder to sell Grand jury won't indict Ferguson cop in shooting Obituaries Eva Mae Clement Gerald Steve Stebbins Nellie Fay Luther Ernaldo (Al) Gerald Wesley Weather Photo Galleries Since You Asked Videos Web Cams Mail Tribune 100 Shareable ACCESS receives $50,000 donation from Wells Fargo Sports Latest Stories Schireman, Tornado shoot past Pacers On the rise Gutches, Johnson lead Raiders to eighth at Reno TOC Rally falls short for Oregon Cavs tame Grizzlies as Waiters steps up late Varsity 541 College Sports Gutches, Johnson lead Raiders to eighth at Reno TOC Rally falls short for Oregon OSU’s Andersen details ‘very, very busy’ first week Winston cleared in conduct hearing Quinnipiac holds off Oregon State, 60-52 Pro Sports On the rise Cavs tame Grizzlies as Waiters steps up late Mavs victorious in Rondo debut Chargers rally big to beat 49ers No slowing Blazers in win over Pelicans Community Sports Keeping Fit: Runners need to do more than run to stay in shape RESULTS/STANDINGS LOCAL EVENTS Business Latest Stories Silvio Calabi: GLA250 is a Merc for the masses Blog: The Holidays Have Arrived Falling gas prices help spur travel at Medford airport Employment in Oregon surpasses pre-recession levels Free lunchtime presentation covers business planning Real Estate News Rental owners group reports 2.48 percent vacancy rate More sales, but no change in residential housing median price People In Business People in Business, Dec. 3 Transportation Falling gas prices help spur travel at Medford airport Allegiant Air will resume Medford-Phoenix service May 22 Agriculture K-BAR ignites agriculture boom beneath Table Rocks Southern Oregon wine industry had a robust 2013 Opinion Latest Granlund cartoon: Christmas Day creche Letters to the Editor, Dec. 22 Kathleen Parker: Talk about a wildfire: Is the movie next? Other Views: Kingsley Field jobs are welcome Our View: Be careful when you donate Editorials Other Views: Kingsley Field jobs are welcome Our View: Be careful when you donate Other Views: Detective's sentence violates public trust Our View: Cheers and jeers Our View: Vaccines benefit everyone, save lives Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, Dec. 22 Letters to the Editor, Dec. 21 Letters to the Editor, Dec. 19 Letters to the Editor, Dec. 18 Letters to the Editor, Dec. 17 Guest Opinions Guest Opinion: Loved one chose death with dignity in Oregon Guest Opinion: Forest thinning means water for the future Guest Opinion: Suit threatens family farms and democratic vote Guest Opinion: SOU pool decision short-sighted Guest Opinion: It's time for biologists to let OR-7 go dark Lifestyle Latest stories Silvio Calabi: GLA250 is a Merc for the masses Get A Life: Spend real-life time with each other Health Watch: Small diet changes can make a big difference Family Time: What parents feed baby can have long-term impact Home Help: Home safety tips for a safe and happy winter season Food Community blog: 'Cookbook Book' digests genre's past 300 years Community blog: Liver pat� an easy nosh for Hanukkah and beyond Local bubbly can ring in the New Year Food for Thought: How to keep your kitchen organized during the holidays Kitchen Call: Shopping for the cook Home and Garden Home Help: Home safety tips for a safe and happy winter season How NOT to install drywall Dear Monty: Siblings dispute inherited real estate Home Help: Create a happy homemade holiday Rogue Valley Christmas light displays Health Health Watch: Small diet changes can make a big difference Community blog: Removing Barriers Is Good Insurance Health Watch: Change up your treadmill workout Community blog: A Dark Night of Healing and Hope Community blog: The Promise of Hope � and Health - Fulfilled Hiking Biking Faith Churches, synagogs host seasonal events Bethel Church helps families at McLoughlin Middle School Milestones and Achievements Fans, friends and family welcome home victorious SOU team at airport Wedding: Boldt-Mahon Order of Elks national office revokes Medford lodge's charter Jackson County's new health building complete, will serve clients in February Ashland celebrates 'Wild' screening with Cheryl Strayed Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Live Music in Local Clubs Celebrate winter solstice with the Bad Film Society Southern Oregon Repertory Singers present 'The Holly and the Ivy' Tomaseen Foley's "A Celtic Christmas" returns to the Craterian Theater Stefan Baumann and Eugene Bennett highlight Third Fridays Theater ACT presents reading of 'The Quality of Life' Meet the real Jacob Marley This Nutcracker ballet will have a superhero twist Plumbing the depths of meaning TMTO presents 'A Christmas Carol: The Musical' Music Live Music in Local Clubs Southern Oregon Repertory Singers present 'The Holly and the Ivy' Tomaseen Foley's "A Celtic Christmas" returns to the Craterian Theater Seattle rock band Smokey Brights plays Howiee's Eight Dollar Mountain and Fruition play Applegate Lodge Community Events Celebrate winter solstice with the Bad Film Society Tomaseen Foley's "A Celtic Christmas" returns to the Craterian Theater Stefan Baumann and Eugene Bennett highlight Third Fridays Dancing People Company celebrates the solstice Dance to the Southern Oregon Jazz Orchestra Dining Coffee shops roll out holiday-inspired drinks Over Easy serves 'pop-up' brunch Sundays Ooblies Artisan Waffle Sandwiches Brunch at Loft Brasserie Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines & Special Sections NEWS NOW Questions remain in death of Oklahoma teen ... City ready to rein in bad dog owners ... Victorious Raiders parade trophy through downtown Ashland ... Questions remain in death of Oklahoma teen ... City ready to rein in bad dog owners ... Victorious Raiders parade trophy through downtown Ashland ... Jeff Vrabel: Ms. Pac-Man makes Chuck E. Cheese more bearable Comment By Jeff Vrabel More Content Now MailTribune.com By Jeff Vrabel More Content Now Posted Nov. 24, 2014 @ 8:39 am Updated Nov 24, 2014 at 8:40 AM By Jeff Vrabel More Content Now Posted Nov. 24, 2014 @ 8:39 am Updated Nov 24, 2014 at 8:40 AM » Social News Due mostly to the vengeful nature of karma, I spent the better part of the past weekend ensnared in a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant. It was part of the birthday celebration for a small and alarmingly adorable 2-year-old who, I am hoping, will one day have children of his own, so he can know precisely what it’s like to spend part of your weekend ensnared in a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant. Take it from Uncle Jeff, Junior: You'll pay. Oh, sweet mercy, one day you'll pay. Two things: 1. Lest you think this is a rant against parents or birthdays or the Chuck E. Cheese international conglomerate in general, let me assure you, you’re being silly, just silly. First, you can't argue against birthdays, because that’s ridiculous. Second, I actually had a fine time at this birthday party, mostly because it entertained my own son, which is something I can apparently no longer do myself — “No, Daddy, can you go in the other room?” he now asks up to 60 times a day — and because, and I don't want to gloat here, but I played the single-best game of Ms. Pac-Man I ever played in my life. Now when I was a very small Ms. Pac-Man player, I considered myself lucky to get to the first movie-scene board where, as the game tells you hopefully, They Meet (“they,” of course, being Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man, in case you were worried that Ms. Pac-Man was out hooking up with Q-Bert or something). This weekend, if I may be so bold, I rocked Ms. Pac-Man’s face off. I cleared boards with an awe-inspiring majesty and got to boards I’ve never seen before, including one with a banana on it. A banana! If I was 8 years old, I would be more or less feeling like George Clooney right now. As it is, I'm feeling more like the 32-year-old that wouldn't let the other children play Ms. Pac-Man and effectively ruined their birthday party. (And no, I didn't even know they still had Ms. Pac-Man at arcades either; it was tucked away in the corner, lonely and abandoned, like Hillary Clinton). OK, second thing (boy, that first one was a long thing): I have nothing against the Chuck E. Cheese international empire, video arcades, skeeball, Mr. Cheese himself or Munch's Make Believe Band. The band is an aging but not ineffective animatronic house group that puts on something like 70 shows a day and sounds not entirely displeasing. I found their version of “Takin’ Care of Business” to be a little lacking in the rock department (I was much more impressed with their performance of Slayer's “Reign in Blood” in its entirety). I understand perfectly well that children enjoy things that I do not, and some of those things may include running around a large pizza-smelling arcade room in a mad, near-apoplectic pursuit of tokens, tickets and time in front of the skeeball machine. I would just like Mr. Cheese to know that while I’m not telling him how to run his business, it might not hurt to install, somewhere hidden but discoverable, a running fountain of whiskey. I don’t know if you’ve ever been inside a Chuck E. Cheese on a weekend afternoon, but it looks a little bit like what I imagine life to be like if you are an atom; things and items and small people bounding about with no evident direction or goal, but crazed and violent and fierce and all carrying juice. (I don't know if atoms actually transport juice around; I missed that day in Advanced Chem.) They move simply to move; exist for the sake of existing, stopping only when it becomes apparent to one or more of them that I'm walking directly behind them and they must slam on the brakes to ensure that I have to instantly readjust, which, at my age, is the sort of thing that can pretty quickly result in the fundamental destruction of a knee. So they take these kids, and they cram them into a finite space filled with whelping buzzes and screaming and video games about guns and dinosaurs and go-karts, activate the robot gorilla who sings “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” subscribe to some sort of anti-liquor laws for some reason and then — THEN — they corral the kids together and bestow upon them CAKE, which is made out of SUGAR, which makes children SHOOT FLAMES OUT OF THEIR EARS while they abandon whatever wafer-thin interest they ever had in your paternal authority. Anyway, there's no point to all this, really, other than my therapist tells me organizing my thoughts and writing them down helps me deal with stress. But I have to say that the experience overwhelmed and partially shattered me, and I'm not sure I can set foot back in a Chuck E. Cheese again, at least until we have my son's party there next year. Jeff Vrabel can be reached at jeffvrabel.com, or on Twitter at @jeffvrabel. By Jeff Vrabel More Content Now MailTribune.com By Jeff Vrabel More Content Now Posted Nov. 24, 2014 @ 8:39 am Updated Nov 24, 2014 at 8:40 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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