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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories New rules for nuisance properties County helps fund RCC job training Rite Aid bear cub may be released into the wild in spring 'Constant state of paranoia' State arts organizations to meet in Medford Crime, Courts and Emergency Services 'Constant state of paranoia' Medford police arrest 7 in domestic violence sweep Community blog: Domestic Violence- "No More Silence" Emergency services Winters worn down by criticism Politics and Elections Phoenix council races draw a crowd — and debate Winters worn down by criticism Eagle Point might get on the bus Richardson accuses Kitzhaber of 'corruption' in final debate Green Party won't back its own candidate Education County helps fund RCC job training SOU student says free speech issue overblown SOU interim president leads in a different direction Medford school officials consider costs of full-day kindergarten Foundation kicks off ambitious 'Count Me In' fundraising campaign Environment Rite Aid bear cub may be released into the wild in spring Rite Aid cub well, could come back to southern Oregon Neighbors smell trouble in proposal to spread waste on Sams Valley farmland Bear cub captured in Ashland pharmacy Work begins on Southern Oregon's first dedicated mountain bike trail State news Nation - World Obituaries Anne Johnson Gayle Myrna Glover Ronald J. Hupp Death Notices Gary Wayne Campbell Weather Photo Galleries Since You Asked Videos Web Cams Mail Tribune 100 Sports Latest Stories Crater nails down outright MWL crown Dobry leads Crusaders to district crown North Valley forfeits all seven games App Finder: Best basketball apps Manning, Sanders lead Broncos past Chargers Varsity 541 College Sports No. 7 Raiders try to bounce back at College of Idaho No. 6 Oregon looks to extend streak against Cal Arizona clear-cut favorite in the Pac-12 Slumping Bears hope to slow No. 6 Oregon, Mariota Shaw shoulders blame for Stanford's slide Pro Sports Manning, Sanders lead Broncos past Chargers Serena rebounds from WTA shellacking Compton among early leaders at Sea Island Guthrie gets the call for Royals in Game 3 Rookie Randle leads Lakers past Blazers 94-86 Community Sports LOCAL EVENTS LOCAL RESULTS Business Latest Stories Business briefs Blog: Let's Celebrate! Old-fashioned hat maker Sportsman's Warehouse to add Klamath Falls store County OKs partnership to lead business recruitment Real Estate News New I-5 interchange puts south Medford on fast lane to fast food Lithia buys Clovis dealership Rental vacancies increase Jackson County real estate sales, prices continue rebound Pallet Wine Co. expands in downtown Medford People In Business People in Business Transportation Frontier Airlines to end Eugene-Denver service Business Resource Fair has answers Erickson's Navy contract extended Lithia buys Clovis dealership Agriculture Hundreds look for work at Harry & David hiring fair Umpqua Holdings more than doubles net earnings Harry & David will hold hiring fair Thursday Ranchers offer livestock exchange 1-800-Flowers CEO: Labor shortage an issue for Harry & David Opinion Latest Granlund cartoon: New York Ebola Jim Brock: Should government legalize gay marriage? Letters to the Editor, Oct. 24 Amy Gehrt: Your vote counts this Election Day Our View: SOU's 'free speech zone' constitutionally questionable Editorials Our View: SOU's 'free speech zone' constitutionally questionable Our View: Kitzhaber is still the best choice Our view: Merkley-Wehby race leaves us unconvinced; Walden seems destined for permanent position Our View: Falls for sheriff, our picks for state House Our view: Endorsements include Bates, Talbert, Hoppe Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, Oct. 24 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 23 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 22 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 21 Letters to the Editor, Oct. 20 Guest Opinions Don't overlook importance of Jackson County commissioners race Measure 92 misleads rather than enlightens Oregonians have a right to know what's in their food Infill is the answer to growth issues Guest Opinion: Who’s really to blame for 2014 wildfires? Lifestyle Latest stories Community blog: Finding My Roots Frank Talk: A little Halloween humor circa 1970 Barry Lewis: The idiot light Dr. Jeff Hersh: Controversy over breast cancer screening Dr. Murray Feingold: Choose a diet best for you Food Community blog: Quick breads take well to gluten-free ingredients Community blog: Barrel Aged and Sour Beers Community blog: There's a method to mix, match alternative grains Ashland resident's cookbook showcases gluten-free creativity Legder David Cellars has a new winemaker and big plans Home and Garden How to live and work in a tiny home Dear Monty: Rent-back clause prevents financial disaster​ Recycle plastic at The Expo Friday and Saturday How to know when trees and shrubs need to go Dear Monty: Is your real estate agent a secret agent? Health Community blog: Finding My Roots Dr. Jeff Hersh: Controversy over breast cancer screening Dr. Murray Feingold: Choose a diet best for you Community blog: The Crowd And The Win - Better Health Joan Endyke: The importance of a healthy diet when pregnant Hiking Biking Faith Religion Briefs Religion Briefs Religion Briefs Religion Briefs Religion briefs Milestones and Achievements New arrivals Southern Oregon Pride parade celebrates gay marriage ruling New Arrivals Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Puss 'N' Boots Costume Ball and Auction Southern Oregon Repertory Singers present harmonious voices, dissonant notes Beekeepers Ball is one sweet soiree Scottish music duo plays highland magic Dean Angermeier rediscovers his 'roots' Theater Review: Funny 'Lion in Winter' roars to life at Camelot Theatre Camelot presents 'The Lion in Winter' 'Carnage' is short, smart, darkly funny Music Southern Oregon Repertory Singers present harmonious voices, dissonant notes Beekeepers Ball is one sweet soiree Scottish music duo plays highland magic Dean Angermeier rediscovers his 'roots' Moonalice plays Applegate Lodge Community Events Puss 'N' Boots Costume Ball and Auction Theater's haunted house not for faint of heart Third Fridays in downtown Medford Works in progress Southern Oregon Pride Festival celebrates diversity Dining Back Porch Bar & Grill Yu's Yummy Yan's offers great take-out Agave offers tasty tacos Asian cuisine for all seasons at Misoya Bistro Spoons Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines & Special Sections NEWS NOW County helps fund RCC job training ... Granlund cartoon: New York Ebola ... Rite Aid bear cub may be released into the wild in spring ... County helps fund RCC job training ... Granlund cartoon: New York Ebola ... Rite Aid bear cub may be released into the wild in spring ... Three-card Monte and the Holy Grail Wait a second, be there in a moment, this will only take a minute. By Robert Galvin MailTribune.com By Robert Galvin Posted Feb. 2, 2014 @ 2:00 am By Robert Galvin Posted Feb. 2, 2014 @ 2:00 am » Social News Wait a second, be there in a moment, this will only take a minute. There. Sorry 'bout that ... had to satisfy the never-ending needs of two demanding cats, make the final parlay in a heated chatroom debate over the artistic integrity of "Castle" vs. "Bones," sort through the clean laundry for the proper pair of socks, and rummage around in an online kitchen for one of six keys needed to escape this virtual prison. Not enough hours in a day. Even if you live on Bajor. Particularly in the two-week lead-up to the Super Bowl. What would we do with ourselves before kickoff if we weren't distracted by "everything you need to know and more" about — along with presidential election day and the Academy Awards — one of our nation's Big Three sleight-of-hand diversionary tactics? OK, three keys to go "¦ off to the garage. Imagine, if you will, that the Super Bowl were to be canceled. It isn't hard to do. Say a Stormaggedon sequel, or a massive traffic tie-up on the bridges of New Jersey — or, I dunno, maybe a labor strike — were to interrupt our God-given American right to somewhat peaceably assemble and watch a game. Oh, the humanity. Similar thought processes must have been going through the minds of the Medford School District administration, which on Friday reversed an earlier decision that — in the unlikely event of a water landing — all extra-curricular activities for city schools would be postponed. Grab tight to your seat cushions, indeed. Well, that just wasn't going to do. I mean, classes might wind up being taught by substitutes, and the frozen teacher contract talks might have less traction than a fleet of Atlanta drivers "¦ but — even if it means at alternate locations and temporary coaches — our kids will be about to wrestle and swim and dribble. Well, the ones who play for the varsity teams, at least. Tough luck for the JVs and the middle-school players (not to mention if your kid sings or plays the tuba or sews costumes for the drama club) "¦ think of it as a teachable moment. If, under the potential circumstances, that would be possible. Perhaps the debate club could offer their thoughts "¦ um, oops, sorry, nope, they'll be silenced and sitting in the bleachers. We do need our diversions — if only those with the highest profiles — to keep our eyes switchbacking along the trail and deflecti our focus from finding the Holy Grail. Because, of course, that's much more difficult. Did you know that a month ago, the company that makes a gooey cheese-like product sent out an alert that there could be a gooey cheese-like product shortage on Super Bowl Sunday — traditionally the day when gooey cheese is ladled across nachos so we can exponentially multiply our guilt for watching hours of mindless television by applying layers of fat directly to our hips? Now, why would the gooey cheesy company issue that warning? Do they believe we're that gullible? (Even if that fictional term isn't to be found in any dictionary.) And, most important, will there be another "shortage" in the month leading up to the release of "Sharknado 2: The Second One"? Speaking of gooey, cheesy things that turn your stomach, Justin Bieber is in trouble with the law on both sides of the border (not that one "¦ the northern border), and more than 100,000 people who have yet to find the key hidden in the wheel-well of a lawnmower (four down, two to go) have drawn a line in the sand and want to see Bieber deported to Canada. Since Anne Frank wasn't around to express her support, Bieber got some words of advice from his other soul (and haircut) mate, Miley Cyrus. "I tell him that, like, 'You don't want to become a joke. When you go out, don't come in shirtless,' " Cyrus told Jay Leno. "But the thing is, I think boys are, like, seven years behind. So in his head, he's really, like, 12." The guy's such a cultural trainwreck, Miley Cyrus feels bad for him. What did Canada ever do to us to deserve this ... other than the monetary exchange rate, Celine Dion and a pitiful, flabby excuse for bacon? Lines in the sand, even at the Canadian border, are popular these days. Everyone seems to draw them. Biblically, of course, the prominent reference comes from when Jesus drew a line "¦ in actual sand "¦ that those without sin would cross to throw stones. The amygdalas of both sides in the Medford teachers' contract talks are in such a state of overdrive that the rocks have been thrown even as both sides claim the other has drawn the line. Our state legislators, always available for Cyrusian advice, said the school district and the union should avoid "playing a game of chicken" — even if it's not a varsity sport — and get an agreement done. That would certainly benefit the students, along with those who stopped playing in sandboxes a long, long time ago and now have better things to do with their time. Oh, cool "¦ if I use the chisel on the loose floorboard in the pantry I get a diagram of how to solve the pool table puzzle in the game room for the fith key. Maybe there's a way out of this after all. Mail Tribune news editor Robert Galvin can be reached at [email protected]. By Robert Galvin MailTribune.com By Robert Galvin Posted Feb. 2, 2014 @ 2:00 am » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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