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Relax, but mind your manners Mail Tribune / Drew Fleming Jack Murphy, a student at Lincoln Elementary School in Ashland, displays the results of a different kind of schooling, as he properly sips Orange-rhubarb tea during a demonstration of proper etiquette Saturday at the Ashland Springs Hotel. Jack is one of several youngsters learning the niceties of such things as high tea � including holding the saucer beneath the cup as you take a sip. The elevated pinkie is optional and not something instructor Alce Uvick de B. teaches. Kids learn etiquette is about respect By John Darling ASHLAND � When children here learn manners from their French etiquette teacher, they learn it's not about lifting the pinkie finger when sipping tea, but rather it's an attitude of confidence, enjoyment of life and respect for self and others. "I try to teach children to be balanced, happy and curious about other people and cultures," said Alce cq Uvick de B., a native of Paris, who since the fall of 1999 has taught etiquette and French as Eticlass International. "Etiquette is not about creating a rigid facade of behavior. It's more about building self-esteem, being comfortable in any social situation, making sure everyone feels included and taking time to really enjoy life." Uvick de B. teaches four-, six- and eight-week etiquette classes for school children. She teaches French in local schools and consults with business people, educators and entertainers who need an understanding of manners and culture in Europe. A small group of fourth- and fifth-graders wrapped up one of Uvick de B's classes at Ashland Springs Hotel Saturday afternoon, eating cucumber sandwiches, sipping high tea and practicing their best behavior. "Alce does a lot of scenarios with the kids, putting them in situations, like where one's not being accepted. It's been real positive for Danielle," said Jean Shubat, speaking of her daughter. In addition to table manners, the children learn proper behavior on the phone, walking with others on the street and an attitude of regarding people with respect, said Maura Murphy. "Jack (her son) has more pride and knows what to do now. He always moves nearest to the street when he walks with me. And he's learning a lot about self-esteem. He knows if someone else is rude, it's not a reflection on him," Murphy said. Since starting the class, Ruth Breneiser has become the family tutor of table behavior, said her mother, Barbara Breneiser. However, her older brother will have none of it, she added. There's no shortage of demand for etiquette training among adults who realize they're offending the Europeans they deal with, but don't know why, said Uvick de B. Although reluctant to criticize, she expressed "shock" at many common behaviors in America � unruly schoolchildren, men who wouldn't dream of holding a door for women, rude, abrupt phone communications and a general lack of respect for the elderly, women and those down the economic ladder. "There's a real need to rediscover respect. Rudeness is always going to hurt someone. We need to remember that everyone has something to bring to the big picture of life." Manners are more than just behavior; they're a big quality-of-life issue, she said. Americans forget their manners because they're swept up in the daily rush of money, driving, working, then getting home and sleeping. "Jobs are fine, but people are taking themselves way too seriously," she said. "There's so much competition between everyone � and between men and women. It has to be left at work. "Americans have forgotten how to have a private life filled with friends and enjoyment. Children especially need to have time away from all their lessons just doing nothing with Mom and Dad at home or in the park." Uvick de B. started Le Cercle, a monthly dinner gathering of women who want to dress up, set the table beautifully with candles, serve their best entrees and engage in delightful conversation. "It's too easy to give in to the casual and the routine. No one makes the effort anymore. But the casual must be banished," she said. Older Americans have "lots of good manners," Uvick de B said, but "something happened" in the 1960s and 70s and things got off track. "It all goes back to self-esteem. I've met a lot of unhappy people and they're unhappy because they don't love themselves. They've created an appearance, but they don't know who they are." Manners, she said, are not a stiff, Victorian system. "That's an extreme view. It's as extreme as the casual behavior we see now. This crazy-about-money society can change and get back to the essentials. It's not that difficult. "Just try not to take yourself so seriously. Laugh at yourself. Remember you're just doing your work, not inventing the polio vaccine. Be humble. That's the secret of etiquette. And of life." On the Net: www.eticlassinternatinal.com or email [email protected] Phone 488-1487 Mail Tribune Home | Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. | Dow Jones & Co., Inc. | Privacy | Contact Us Copyright � 2000 Mail Tribune, Inc.