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3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Tennessee man charged with stealing back car from Central Point towyard Emergency services, March 4 Gold Hill will install cameras in City Hall to monitor employees Lion sanctuary in Phoenix could be shut down Siskiyou County murder suspect will return to California Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Tennessee man charged with stealing back car from Central Point towyard Emergency services, March 4 Siskiyou County murder suspect will return to California Ashland man faces multiple charges Emergency Services, March 3 Politics and Elections Ashland: Budget increase, swimming pool funding discussion on council agenda Judge upholds Phoenix's moratorium on medical marijuana dispensaries Ballots on Jackson County marijuana tax go out Friday Brown's inauguration brings hope to local lawmakers Kate Brown sworn in as Oregon's 38th governor Education Medford schools superintendent gets high marks St. Mary's robotics team qualifies for state competition LIFEArt plans to open gallery in Medford MSD considers adding a health center at one of the city's high schools Absenteeism in Oregon schools prompts bill that would tie funding to attendance, not enrollment Environment The new normal under climate change? 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Review: 'Fingersmith' a twisting thriller with love ... Gold Hill will install cameras in City Hall to monitor employees ... Tennessee man charged with stealing back car from Central Point towyard ... Review: 'Fingersmith' a twisting thriller with love ... Gold Hill will install cameras in City Hall to monitor employees ... Dr. Elaine Heffner: How much freedom should we allow kids? By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Mar. 3, 2015 @ 12:01 am By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Mar. 3, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2325,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> A friend, bemoaning the state of contemporary child-rearing, spoke of her 11-year-old granddaughter who travels to school alone on a public bus and calls or texts her mother when she boards the bus, gets off the bus and again when she arrives at school. The grandmother was ambivalent about this situation, on the one hand deploring the degree of monitoring involved, on the other hand regretting that we live in a time that seems to make it necessary. In reaction to what has been called “helicopter” parenting, a new set of prescriptions have been directed at parents as part of a recent fad called “free-range parenting.” A former columnist, Lenore Skenazy, related the strong reaction both positive and negative that followed her story about having allowed her 9-year-old to ride the New York subway system alone. A book by Skenazy followed, along with a new movement based on the idea that we can give our children the same kind of freedom we had as kids “without going nuts with worry.” Skenazy’s point is that if you try to prevent every possible danger or difficulty in your child’s life, that child never gets a chance to grow up. Now, a further reaction has followed the experience of some parents, who, implementing the “free-range” model, have found themselves in difficulty with the police or children’s protective services for seeming to neglect their children. Such is the perception of young children who are in public places unattended. Freedom in some situations is seen as neglect. Much can be said on both sides of this controversy. Giving our children the same kind of freedom we had as kids may be a nice objective, but it ignores the reality that our children don’t live in the same world we did as kids. Technology alone has transformed that world, exposing children to new kinds of dangers. The presence of extended families to provide a support system is rarely true for most families, while at the same time two working parents has become the norm. These factors, while based in reality, have also increased the anxiety of parents and the feeling of loss of control. The wish to protect our children is not new, but new is a lessened ability to do so. The attempt to make up for parents’ loss of control has taken the form of new kinds of surveillance and at times extreme caution in allowing children independence when appropriate. The problem with the free-range parenting movement is that it provides a set of simple prescriptions as a solution to a difficult problem. But trying to follow a prescribed solution puts the focus on the solution rather than on the child. Children differ in their readiness to take certain steps on their own as they do in all other areas of development. When children are learning to walk, we don’t prevent them from trying in order to protect them from falling. We do try to make the environment as safe as possible by removing hazards in their path and covering sharp corners. The same applies to future steps children want to try on their own. It gets harder as they get older because we can’t always know the hazards or remove the sharp corners. So it comes back to using judgment based on your knowledge of your child, his abilities and his world. Life has risks. Children mature and gain strength by meeting and overcoming some risks. As parents we have to judge both the risks and our children’s strengths. No parenting movement can do that for us. Elaine Heffner, LCSW, Ed.D., has written for Parents Magazine, Fox.com, Redbook, Disney online and PBS Parents, as well as other publications. She has appeared on PBS, ABC, Fox TV and other networks. Dr. Heffner is the author of “Goodenoughmothering: The Best of the Blog,” as well as “Mothering: The Emotional Experience of Motherhood after Freud and Feminism.” She is a psychotherapist and parent educator in private practice, as well as a senior lecturer of education in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. Dr. Heffner was a co-founder and served as director of the Nursery School Treatment Center at Payne Whitney Clinic, New York Hospital. And she blogs at goodenoughmothering.com. By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Mar. 3, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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