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3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Dad speaks out in support of bus driver OSP traffic stop nets more than 30 pounds of drugs Medford looks to improve stretch of Foothill Road Soroptimists' garden tour set for Saturday in Medford, Jacksonville Jackson County man hospitalized after being shot in torso Crime, Courts and Emergency Services OSP traffic stop nets more than 30 pounds of drugs Jackson County man hospitalized after being shot in torso Emergency services Two arrested after pursuit through Jackson County UPDATE: School bus driver killed in crash near Rogue River identified Politics and Elections Case, Salmon leading in Central Point School Board race Lundberg, Mannenbach leading Eagle Point races Jackson County district election turnout under 17 percent Arthur I. Cyr: Camp David summit will not help Mideast stability Ashland water bills could go up to fund watershed protection Education Case, Salmon leading in Central Point School Board race Lundberg, Mannenbach leading Eagle Point races Ashland High's Michelle Zundel heading to Medford district Medford School District budget funds new student success programs RCC President Angstadt retires Environment OR-7, mate may be adding to their pack Rogue jet boat tour company eyes TouVelle for permanent home Why is Bear Creek so muddy? Blame Emigrant silt and winter storm Mt. Ashland Ski Area proposes summer adventure center Jackson County declares drought disaster State News Lawmakers seek authority to impeach Government releases wildfire plan to protect struggling bird in West Bill would press Lane County doctors to take Medicaid patients Senate panel passes medical pot rules Oregon wildlife officials eye phased-in hunting, fishing fee increases Nation - World Uh oh .... 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Blog: Cash deals for homes inches toward normal levels Real Estate News Single-family home sales take off Never enough: New Starbucks proposed on Barnett Road in Medford Jackson County debt-ridden homeowners have an option New home in an old house People In Business People in Business Transportation Allegiant Air resumes flights to Arizona Tourism stronger than ever in Southern Oregon Medford airport still flying high with record passenger counts Erickson finds room to work at Medford airport Lithia Motors nets $40.7 million in first quarter Agriculture 1-800Flowers.com reports $10.5 million loss in third quarter Opinion Latest Granlund cartoon: Hillary and the press Landgren cartoon: College loans and graduation Robert DeWitt: WWII veterans are pieces of living history Letters to the Editor, May 20 Our View: Renovating the Capitol is important but costly Editorials Our View: Renovating the Capitol is important but costly Our View: Take it easy on hunting and fishing fees Our View: Kicking state government down the road Other Views: Keeping marijuana away from minors Our view: Legislature should fix both marijuana laws Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, May 20 Letters to the Editor, May 19 Letters to the Editor, May 18 Letters to the Editor, May 17 Letters to the Editor, May 15 Columns Kathleen Parker: Unswaddling the bab(i)es on campus Michael Gerson: War lessons for the GOP George Barnes: We need to help free Tom Brady Kathleen Parker: Jeb Bush's unfortunate honesty George Will: Santorum — The return of the GOP's runner-up Guest Opinions Guest Opinion: Ample water? Think again Guest Opinion: Oregon mothers need much more than flowers Guest Opinion: Child poverty and the Schneider Children’s Center Guest Opinion: Animal-killing program pulls wool over taxpayers' eyes Guest Opinion: Uniting to restore our sovereignty to we, the people Lifestyle Latest stories Study finds family rules about screen time, eating seem to work Gift of time: Instead of presents, share experiences with kids Reading can keep young minds fresh over summer break Linda Cobb: Time to make a list of spring garden chores Page H. Onorato: Saturday brought treat for supper Food Page H. Onorato: Saturday brought treat for supper Taste of Alba Wine by the keg, growler, box and ammo can Potluck: A Gooey Butter Cake to cherish Community blog: Pucker up for quick rhubarb-celery-berry pickle Home and Garden Linda Cobb: Time to make a list of spring garden chores Dear Monty: Novice homebuyer’s first attempt disappointing Home Help: Keep a man cave top of mind when choosing a new home Learning to be a water watcher in these dry times Betty Montgomery: Longleaf pines making a comeback Health Donna Knight: How to lessen your risk Community blog: Little Free Libraries Community blog: Fasting out of Cancer Brent St. Germain: Weight loss goes to the dogs Community blog: Don't Fall for This Part 2 Hiking Biking Faith Religion Briefs: Friday, May 15 Religion Briefs: Friday, May 8 Religion Briefs: Friday, May 1 Religion Briefs: Friday, April 24 Milestones and Achievements Prefontaine-style running trail proposed in south Medford Bukair-Hinkle Wedding: Stephanie Anne Obad and Mark Douglass Schmor Ashland water bills could go up to fund watershed protection Drones helping create unique wedding photos Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories SOU presents Shakespeare's 'The Winter's Tale' Laurie Lewis, Tom Rozum at The Mountain House Sly & Robbie play Historic Ashland Armory Live Music in Local Clubs 5 picks for live entertainment Theater SOU presents Shakespeare's 'The Winter's Tale' OSF commissioned plays tour throughout country 'Cuckoo's Nest' is a big play, well presented 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' REVIEW: Randall Theatre's 'Little Shop of Horrors' a rollicking good time Music Interview: Country mainstay T. Graham Brown reflects on career Laurie Lewis, Tom Rozum at The Mountain House Sly & Robbie play Historic Ashland Armory Live Music in Local Clubs Blues great B.B. King dead at 89 Community Events Third Friday: 'Into the Woods' is a must-see 5 things to see at Art in Bloom Flowers, art and music highlight Art in Bloom Hip-Hop Poetry Open Mic at OSF's Black Swan in Ashland Ashland's First Friday Art Walk showcases new exhiits by regional artists Movies Movie review: Cast keeps laughs coming in ‘Pitch Perfect 2’ Movie review: ‘Mad Max’ is a fresh, fantastic approach to a classic idea Your A-to-Z guide to the ‘Mad Max’ franchise Movie review: ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ will leave your inner 12-year-old giggling with glee Movie review: ‘Hot Pursuit’ is a hot mess Dining Wine by the keg, growler, box and ammo can 6 stars of the Rogue Valley food universe Cool down with a cold one (or two, or three) Nguyen Street Food From rustic to elegant: Wine tasting in Southern Oregon Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obits Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Special Sections Business Services NEWS NOW OSP traffic stop nets more than 30 pounds of drugs ... Medford looks to improve stretch of Foothill Road ... Jackson County man hospitalized after being shot in torso ... OSP traffic stop nets more than 30 pounds of drugs ... Medford looks to improve stretch of Foothill Road ... Jackson County man hospitalized after being shot in torso ... It Is What It Is: The power of the spoken word By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now MailTribune.com By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted May. 19, 2015 @ 8:16 am Updated May 19, 2015 at 3:05 PM By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted May. 19, 2015 @ 8:16 am Updated May 19, 2015 at 3:05 PM » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2325,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> There’s this saying I often use with my kids — it’s one of the many profound nuggets of parenting wisdom I lug around in my head and try to use appropriately from time to time. And it goes like this: “You can’t take back the spoken word” A pretty powerful concept when you think about it. I mean, we’ve all had experiences — either as kids or as adults — when someone gave us a compliment or a criticism that left an indelible mark on our heart, on our mind, or in some cases, on both. And as most of us know, those kinds of marks are a lot like tattoos: For better or for worse, they’re with us for life. Maybe you were like me as a kid and someone criticized you for wearing tomboyish clothes so it made you extra sensitive to the clothing choices you made for years to come. Or maybe you were a middle schooler who didn’t consider yourself an artist until your art teacher told you she thought you had real talent. The truth is, those kind of interactions have the potential to shape our future in both good and bad ways. And it’s especially true for negative feedback, which can be as dangerous as a loaded handgun. That’s because when hostile words come hurtling at you, they can rip right through your heart with the same devastation as any caliber bullet out there. That’s why it’s always so important to think before you speak. Because once hurtful words hit the air, there’s no grabbing hold of them and swallowing them back down. They’re out in the universe and burned into someone’s memory forever. Now the reason I’m thinking about this is because of a spontaneous conversation I had with a friend the other day about something I said to her daughter that left a pretty acute mark on her sweet little brain. And she wanted me to know how poignant my words were in her daughter’s eyes. In this case, the little girl I’m talking about is a fifth-grader, and I’m one of her cross-country running coaches; and something I said to her at practice last week made a strong impression on her. Stronger than I even realized. Lucky for me, though, it made a strong positive impression. We were doing tempo runs at practice trying to teach the girls how to find their just-right pace, and my little friend was giving a 110 percent effort the entire time and it showed. That’s why every time she ran past me during practice, I yelled something positive to her, the same way every one of our coaches does when we see our girls giving their best effort. And then, at the end of practice, as we often do, I took her aside and told her how proud I was of her and how her attitude and her commitment to becoming a stronger runner was so obvious to everyone. Well, I guess what I said meant something to her because she went home feeling great about herself. So much so that she asked her dad that night at dinner to start running with her on the weekends. And now who knows, maybe she’ll be the next great American distance runner. Stranger things have happened. Anyway, it’s proof that we generally get way more from people when we build them up, rather than cut them down. See, words are funny things, they can sound totally harmless echoing around in your head, and then have a totally different quality as they leave your mouth and hit oxygenated air. I just think people sometimes forget the power that the spoken word has and how impactful they can be, especially on a child. And who those words come from is equally as important. For instance, as a parent, I know all too well that I could give either of my daughters the most profound advice about relationships or school or work and it wouldn’t matter if every word I spoke was coated in edible leaf gold (like the kind you find at the bottom of a Goldschläger bottle), because no kid thinks their mom or dad knows what the heck they’re talking about. But have someone like their teacher or their coach or their boss say the exact same thing and now your kid is drooling over every word. So not fair. My point is, those of us who coach or teach or parent or supervise anyone, in any capacity, always need to stay cognizant of the kind of power and influence our words have on the people around us. Because one insensitive comment can change the course of a person’s life. Like the mother who tells her daughter that she’s getting fat and then the poor girl becomes anorexic and has self-image issues for the rest of her life. You hear it on the news all the time. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all have a responsibility to the people around us to choose our words wisely because what you say and how you say it can be a game-changer. So say whatever you have to say in a meaningful and sensitive way, because your opinion or advice or feedback may just have the power to change someone’s life. And if you have nothing nice to say, well, then shut up. Lisa Sugarman lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Read and discuss all her columns at itiswhatitiscolumn.wordpress.com. She is also the author of “LIFE: It Is What It Is,” available on Amazon.com and select Whole Foods Market stores. By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now MailTribune.com By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted May. 19, 2015 @ 8:16 am Updated May 19, 2015 at 3:05 PM » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Propel Marketing Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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