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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate NEWS NOW Our View: Cheers to jobs, fish; jeers to canceled insurance ... From the council: Medford-Alba sister city bond is a special one ... Emergency Services ... Our View: Cheers to jobs, fish; jeers to canceled insurance ... From the council: Medford-Alba sister city bond is a special one ... Emergency Services ... Family Time: How to handle grief during the holidays Comment MailTribune.com Writer Posted Dec. 16, 2014 at 12:01 AM Posted Dec. 16, 2014 at 12:01 AM » Social News Tip of the Week The holidays are meant to be a joyous time. But for someone dealing with grief, celebrations can be extremely difficult. If you are grieving over a recent loss, or one that happened years ago, experts say there are things you can do to make facing the demands and the expectations of the holidays a little easier. “There are no rules on how to deal with grief during the holidays,” says Dr. Denny Cecil-Van Den Heuvel, director of South University’s Clinical Mental Health Counseling program. “You get to decide what is best for you.” Cecil-Van Den Heuvel speaks from both personal and professional experience. In addition to her university duties, she is also in private practice where she helps patients deal with loss and life’s struggles. She also experienced a great loss of her own. Twenty-six years ago, her husband was killed in a plane crash, leaving her to raise their 5-year-old son alone. She was just 31. “It’s not easy being a widow or having a family member die, because people watch you and make judgments about you and about how you are coping with loss,” says Cecil-Van Den Heuvel. “You’re not supposed to get over it. You don’t get over loss. You integrate the loss into your life so you become stronger and wiser. You understand the value of life more from your losses.” Cecil-Van Den Heuvel has advice on how to handle your grief during the holidays. Honor your loved one Finding a way to honor your loved one during the holiday celebration can be especially important, and meaningful, if the loss is recent. “Honor the one who is not there, and embrace what no one got to experience about that person but you. That may entail going to the gravesite, or to where the ashes are spread,” Cecil-Van Den Heuvel says. “You can even do a ritual of saying one thing about that person that they would have brought to the holiday if they had been there.” It’s OK to be sad Pretending to be happy and cheerful, especially after a recent loss, can be a tremendous strain. “If you choose to be melancholy and sad, that’s OK - you need to mourn. A lot people walk a wide circle around it, but everyone deals with grief and loss differently,” Cecil-Van Den Heuvel says. “You don’t have to do the ‘chin up - everyone has to be happy’ routine.” She also recommends journaling if you are thinking a lot about your loss as a way to explore and express your feelings. It’s OK to be happy Don’t be afraid to take part in fun holiday activities, and don’t feel guilty if you do find yourself having a good time during the celebrations. “Enjoy the presence of those around you,” encourages Cecil-Van Den Heuvel. Don’t set yourself up Cecil-Van Den Heuvel believes it is easy for those who are grieving to set themselves up to have a bad holiday. “People anticipate what they’re going to feel and set themselves up to some degree to have a horrible time,” she explains. “Do not set the stage for what the day is going to be like. Just allow it to be what it is.” Be authentic to yourself Being authentic to yourself is the most important aspect of grieving during the holidays, or anytime. “Allow yourself to feel the pain so you can integrate it into your life and learn and grow from it,” she says. “Nobody wants to suffer, but suffering has its purpose, and that purpose is growth. There is always going to be life and death, and we need to grow from grief rather than being victim to it.” - Brandpoint Family Movie Night Looking for a good Christmas movie to watch at home? Check out our list of favorite non-animated classics: - “It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946): This and “Miracle on 34th Street” are the ultimate in Christmas classics. They’re movies that movie you every time you watch them. - “Miracle on 34th Street” (1947): See above. - “A Christmas Story” (1983): The movie that completes the trinity of must-see Christmas movies. Ralphie’s adventures always bring home the holiday cheer. - “Elf” (2003): This Will Ferrell movie has become a classic in line with the above three. It’s a quirky, touching take on Christmas. - “The Santa Clause” (1994): This Tim Allen film spawned several sequels, but this is definitely the best. A great funny movie. - “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989): Another great Christmas comedy, this Chevy Chase flick will have you smiling all season long. - “Scrooged” (1988): This Bill Murray film is one of the best adaptations of “The Christmas Carol.” x Rated: Length: Synopsis: Violence/scary rating: Sexual-content rating: Profanity rating: Drugs/alcohol rating: Family Time rating: (Ratings are judged on a five-point scale, with 5 being “bad for kids” and 1 being “fine for kids.”) Book Report “Uni the Unicorn,” by Amy Krouse Rosenthal (author), Brigette Barrager (illustrator) Ages: 4-8 Pages: 48 Synopsis: In this clever twist on the age-old belief that there’s no such thing as unicorns, Uni the unicorn is told there’s no such thing as little girls! No matter what the grown-up unicorns say, Uni believes that little girls are real. Somewhere there must be a smart, strong, wonderful, magical little girl waiting to be best friends. In fact, far away (but not too far), a real little girl believes there is a unicorn waiting for her. This refreshing and sweet story of friendship reminds believers and nonbelievers alike that sometimes wishes really can come true. — Random House Books for Young Readers Did You Know A new study published in Pediatrics found that more than half of parents in the U.S. use soft bedding for their babies while they sleep. To reduce the risk of SIDS, pediatric experts recommend using no soft bedding or other objects (such as stuffed animals) in baby’s sleeping area. More Content Now MailTribune.com Writer Posted Dec. 16, 2014 at 12:01 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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