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A birdie in hand worth two shots OB I can imagine the explanation I'll get while awaiting my next invitation to a golf pro-am: "Uh, it's in the mail." Or, "The dog ate it." Or, "I did with it what you did with that box of Top Flights ... I lost it." Having been fortunate enough to be asked to play in the Spring Tour, the four days of pro-am tournaments at Grants Pass Golf Club and Rogue Valley Country Club Saturday through Tuesday, it seems appropriate to lend the perspective of a 14-handicapper. I should say that number is a work in progress. It's progressing through the roof. If only spring temperatures and stock values rose as fast. Anyway, after repeatedly shooting even par - only to discover I still had three or four holes to play - the odds of me returning to defend my 100th-or-so placing appear long. Why, you might wonder, isn't this space devoted to the really good guys, whose tee shots find fairways like anglers' casts find water, who land and stop approaches with the skill of fighter pilots, whose putts drop as effortlessly as pinballs against broken flippers. Well, there are far more players who have yet to become proficient at golf, so this is sort of an ode to mediocrity, which, considering the nature of the game, isn't such a bad level for which to strive. Consider this a home page for the hacker. I'll be your host. Perhaps the most obvious thing about so much golf in a short period is the density of the frustration. In half a week, you're able to run the gamut and wonder: Why is it that when I drive well, I develop the low rights (we don't say the 'S' word) on my second shot. Or if I start hitting greens in regulation, I putt like I'm blindfolded. For instance, Day 1 at Grants Pass. Hit the ball well but can't score. A few pars, even a birdie, only to be accompanied by a like number of "others." Result, 89. Team result, 11 under. Twenty-two under wins. We were the Stewart Meadows Gang, and we didn't shoot very straight. It was a bad sign when a friend joined us for Day 2 to watch, and most on our five-man team thought he was there to replace them. Nevertheless, reasonable ball striking from the previous day left me with high hopes. I had a round under my belt and knew where quite a few trouble spots were. It took me exactly two tee shots to find two more. If you did not know, it's OB to the left on No. 4, where we started. The same applies on No. 5. I now know. Just as I know not to take one-foot putts for granted, as happened on No. 6. My high hopes had run over a nail and the air rushed out. My score mirrored that of the day before. Though there were few highlights, our team did a little better at 14 under, 11 shots off the pace. Our pro, Dan Coughlin, managed not to be thoroughly distracted by the flailing of his partners. He was 2 over for the two days. And yes, this is a shameless plug, because he is the guy who will do the inviting for future pro-ams. The action moved to Rogue Valley for Day 3 and we had three different players. That was the plan; no one was dismissed. It seemed ominous when one left his driver home, but a delay allowed him to retrieve it before play began. That was good. Craig Lausmann's tee shots went so far, the ball landed with re-entry burns. Or, to pilfer the pro's line, "When I was a kid, my parents didn't take me on trips that far." While we had our foibles, we managed to get to 14 under through 15 holes. Then it got fun. With the amateurs getting strokes, we went 12 under down the stretch. Three natural birdies allowed us to pick up five on No. 9 on the inside course. The final two holes, we got four and three, respectively. At 26 under, we knew we had a chance to win the day, but a team led by Heron Lakes Golf Club pro John Bowen - he teamed with Gary Oehling, Ron Primasing, Dan Dixon and Bill Jwayad - shot 29. Still, it was hard to be displeased. For us, Dale Harkin (77) and Gary Redden (83) cashed. I had a cache full of swing flaws and a 91. If you saw the movie "The Perfect Storm," you know that just when things seem to be going very well, the climate can change. Dramatically. The gory details of Day 4 are unimportant. Somewhere between Monday and Tuesday, we misplaced 21 strokes. Surprisingly, through the carnage, I was having my best round: 7 over through 12 holes with only a 9-iron to the green on No. 17. This, of course, seemed the ideal time to start admiring my own handiwork. I gazed lovingly at a scorecard the likes of which I hadn't seen in some time. I thought about how a few more pars would enhance its beauty. I thought about the pot of gold that awaited. Then I hit my next shot about a third of the way to the green. Then I thinned a wedge into the back bunker. Then I wrote down the first of three double bogeys, which were outdone only by a triple on No. 2. Hello, again, 89. It was fun and exhausting, but I'm sure I'll recover in time for the next one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must check the mail. Have a local golf story idea? Reach sports editor Tim Trower at 776-4479, or e-mail [email protected] Mail Tribune Home | Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. | Dow Jones & Co., Inc. | Privacy | Contact Us Copyright � 2001 Mail Tribune, Inc.