Document text
0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Mt. Ashland ski area announces layoffs Glassblower was 'passionate about living' Asphalt plant faces closure if it doesn't meet DEQ deadline Medford airport gets money for more solar panels Former Medford youth pastor accused of secretly videotaping women and girls Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Former Medford youth pastor accused of secretly videotaping women and girls Emergency services Woman struck by car while running from police Arrest made in Klamath Falls murder Police recover stolen trailer, arrest suspect Politics and Elections Kent Bush: The keys to decoding the State of the Union address Oregon Legislature convenes, session starts Feb. 12 Councilman stirs online dust-up with anti-marijuana post Education Talent Elementary students learn to tinker Local elementary and middle school students qualify for state chess championships Unfair labor complaint against Medford School District resolved Arsonist attempts to burn down building at Jackson Elementary Not as ready as they should be Environment Mt. Ashland ski area announces layoffs Bear cub headed to rehabbers in Idaho Grant will help restore 'legacy' oak habitat in Southern Oregon and Northern California New wandering wolf arrives in Southern Oregon OR-7 now officially the leader of his pack State News Superbug blamed for hospital deaths UO seeks return of released documents Courthouse quote isn't Washington's Speech underlines US-tribe relations Mom says bills carries on daughter's legacy Nation - World Obituaries Mamie E. (Miss Eddie) Beard James "Jim" Van Calhoun Elizabeth Mary Cox In Loving Memory Of Jason Thomas Cline (Jay) Weather Photo Galleries Since You Asked Videos Web Cams Mail Tribune 100 Shareable In memoriam: 2014’s notable deaths Looking back: Do you remember 2014’s biggest stories? Sports Latest Stories Gasol brothers to start All-Star game Blount happy to be back with Patriots Setzer's giving nature shines on and off the court for Crater Comets pin down Eagles Hornets down Pirates in Skyline dual Varsity 541 College Sports Success helps restock roster at UO Oregon’s Helfrich ready to turn page Baldwin brings seasoned background to OSU Weisner leads No. 9 Beavers over Huskies Huskies rally back, down Ducks Pro Sports Gasol brothers to start All-Star game Blount happy to be back with Patriots Blazers rally big before losing heartbreaker Djokovic, Wawrinka join Williams in third round Hawks tie franchise record with win Community Sports Local Events Business Latest Stories The heart of Brammo will remain Blog: Alaska Air Group earnings soared in 2014 New owners of Medford Center promise a hands-on approach: Practicing for the real thing Want to be an investor? Four companies will be pitching their plan to you Real Estate News New owners of Medford Center promise a hands-on approach: Home loan rates continue to fall, applications soar Jackson County real estate market headed back to normal Dear Monty: Best start for 1st-time homebuyers People In Business People in Business Transportation The heart of Brammo will remain Want to be an investor? Four companies will be pitching their plan to you Medford airport traffic flies to new heights Agriculture Rising prices bear fruit for local pear growers Opinion Latest Our View: Public salaries move only upward Letters to the Editor, Jan. 22 George Will: America's mushrooming welfare state Dana Milbank: Turning a deaf ear to the world Granlund cartoon: Deflated footballs Editorials Our View: Public salaries move only upward Our View: Restrictions on civil forfeitures are reasonable Other Views: Clearing the way for hemp farming Our View: Oregon students need job skills training Other Views: Klamath water deal is best available Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, Jan. 22 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 21 Letters to the editor, Jan. 20 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 19 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 18 Guest Opinions Guest Opinion: More reasons to oppose gas pipeline A fair shot for all: addressing our low-wage crisis Guest Opinion: SOU biomass burner would be big mistake Guest Opinion: Reforms needed to build upon John Day’s success Guest Opinion: FERC fails our planet Lifestyle Latest stories Religion briefs, Jan. 23 Community blog: Trends aside, butternut squash a seasonal darling Gail Ciampa: Creative ways to explore the oft-maligned cauliflower Community blog: Best Cities for Aging? - Not Medford Healthy Aging: Whether supper or dinner, it's best eaten together Food Community blog: Trends aside, butternut squash a seasonal darling Gail Ciampa: Creative ways to explore the oft-maligned cauliflower Best of the Brews Try these shock-free-diet options Community blog: Cauliflower cuts calories in faux pasta Alfredo Home and Garden Paint a room or two in a weekend Dear Monty: Sell home now? Or wait until summer? Home Help: How to keep your house pest-free this winter Dear Monty: Consider mediation in real estate disputes Home Help: Heighten your home’s style this year Health Community blog: Best Cities for Aging? - Not Medford Healthy Aging: Whether supper or dinner, it's best eaten together Practicing for the real thing Dr. Jeff Hersh: Heart test causes undue alarm Dr. Murray Feingold: How reliable is the medical information we read? Hiking Biking Faith Religion briefs, Jan. 23 Religion briefs Old stained-glass windows face threats Churches start new year with messages of hope (No heading) Milestones and Achievements 50 years and counting: Bulebar Wedding: Lindsey-Maria Rios New arrivals Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Paula Poundstone performs at the Craterian Ethan Tucker Band at the Brickroom Brian Freeman presents 'An Evening of Scottish Music' Len Dickson's 'Fall Harvest' to grace Belle Fiore wine label Randall Theatre presents playwright Charles Ludlam's comedy "The Mystery of Irma Vep" Theater Randall Theatre presents playwright Charles Ludlam's comedy "The Mystery of Irma Vep" Roy Orbison tribute hits high note Thanks for the Memories Theatre presents 'Cardenio' Thanks for the Memories Theatre presents 'Rent' Tangled up in Dylan Music Ethan Tucker Band at the Brickroom The Farr Side: Trainor building a music niche Brian Freeman presents 'An Evening of Scottish Music' Blues jam tonight at The Little Brown Jug 'Wierd Al' Yankovic plays Britt Festivals in September Community Events Paula Poundstone performs at the Craterian Len Dickson's 'Fall Harvest' to grace Belle Fiore wine label A look at the life and vision of Martin Luther King Jr. Ty Barnett and Ian Harris are 'Divided' Elaine Witteveen's new exhibit 'Wings' opens at the Rogue Gallery Dining Cheeseburgers on the cheap Valley View — It's all in the family Patty Groth's Morning Glory is still a delight Entertaining with a gift of treasure Jackson Creek Pizza Co. is a good downtown haunt Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines & Special Sections NEWS NOW Mt. Ashland ski area announces layoffs ... Glassblower was 'passionate about living' ... Former Medford youth pastor accused of secretly videotaping women and girls ... Mt. Ashland ski area announces layoffs ... Glassblower was 'passionate about living' ... Former Medford youth pastor accused of secretly videotaping women and girls ... It Is What It Is: How to tell the difference between tattling and telling Comment By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now MailTribune.com By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted Jan. 19, 2015 @ 7:57 am Updated Jan 20, 2015 at 12:22 PM By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted Jan. 19, 2015 @ 7:57 am Updated Jan 20, 2015 at 12:22 PM » Social News If someone asked you what your most worn hat was as a parent, what would you say? Quick, quick! Don’t think too much. I’m looking for the first answer that pops into your head. I wouldn’t be surprised if you said something like cook or chauffeur or venture capitalist. But if I had to bet money on what the most common answer would be, I’d bet my chips on referee. And that’s because, as parents, especially parents of multiple children, one of the roles we play most often is the role of adjudicator. We’re forever mediating over disputes. Big ones; small ones; legitimate ones; bogus ones. And without a Nanny Cam to prove guilt or innocence, you’re almost always screwed in terms of rendering fair and impartial decisions. That’s because your kids can always throw the ol’ you-weren’t-there-so-you-don’t-know line at you. And when that one comes out, the trial is pretty much over before it starts because there’s no comeback for it. Since the dawn of time, kids, especially siblings, have told on each other. It’s just a fact. And we all know it. It’s in the DNA. Even the ones with the best relationships bicker every once in a while. And while the origin of squabbling may have its roots in caves and lean tos, it hasn’t changed that much since homo became erectus. Think about it, in the beginning, in prehistoric times, brothers and sisters probably argued over who got to sleep closest to the fire pit or who got to wear the foofier pelt. Fast forward 100,000 years and they’re still fighting over territory and possessions, only now it’s who gets the bedroom closest to the bathroom and who stole whose North Face. Now, as an only child, I can’t relate to sibling rivalry. Which, unfortunately for me, is the argument that both my kids leverage against me whenever I’m playing referee. They say I just don’t understand what having an annoying sister or brother is like. Someone who’s constantly pushing your buttons, giving up secrets, and stealing your stuff (oh, wait, sorry, I mean “borrowing” your stuff). And because of my lack of sibling experience, I’m always at a disadvantage when I’m trying to settle an argument. So out of necessity, I’ve learned a few nifty tricks that can help differentiate telling versus tattling. And lemme tell you, knowing how to tell the difference between the two can be a lifesaver when everyone’s looking to you to fairly resolve a dispute. Because let’s be honest, very few of us out there have formal law enforcement training, so we’ve got to take advantage of every shortcut we can to ensure that we can effectively keep the peace. That being said, here are a few nuggets I’ve acquired from having two daughters who like to get up in each other’s grill. I mean, they love each other and all, but I think they love hanging each other out to dry even more. I almost think it’s become a sport to them. So here’s some ammo that I think might help you fight the fight. How to tell when your child is telling: 1. They’re trying to keep themselves safe. 2. They’re concerned about someone else’s safety. 3. The situation they’ve come to you with is critical or urgent. 4. They’re concerned that someone may be hurt or in real danger. 5. They need an adult to help solve the problem. How to tell when your child is tattling: 1. They want to get someone else in trouble or avoid owning the blame. 2. They may have something to gain, like attention or popularity. 3. No one is hurt or in danger. 4. What they’re telling you is not an important problem and can be solved without an adult. 5. They threaten to tell on someone in an attempt to control that person. The bottom line here is that you’ve got to keep your eyes and ears open to exactly what your kids are telling you and, more importantly, learn to ask the right questions. It’s also important to understand what motivates kids to throw each other under the bus all the time. They’re kids and they’re learning. It’s as simple as that. They’re trying to build their moral infrastructure and they’re not always sure which pieces go where. At least not in the beginning. So along with the good listening and good detective skills, we all need to drizzle a whole lotta patience into the mix, too. Because, as bizarre as this may sound, the tattling and telling does evolve. I promise. Eventually, most of them get it and the fights at least become more authentic and justified. And if they don’t, well, then there’s always juvie. That’ll definitely do the trick. Lisa Sugarman lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Read and discuss all her columns at itiswhatitiscolumn.wordpress.com. She is also the author of “LIFE: It Is What It Is,” available on Amazon.com. By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now MailTribune.com By Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Posted Jan. 19, 2015 @ 7:57 am Updated Jan 20, 2015 at 12:22 PM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Local Media Group Publications Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted. MailTribune.com | P.O. Box 1108, Medford, OR 97501