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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Mail Tribune 100 Emergency Services Memorial fund set up for fallen local firefighter Oregon Gulch fire reaches 30 percent containment Crater Lake rangers investigate report of hiker falling over rim Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Emergency Services Crater Lake rangers investigate report of hiker falling over rim Couple's argument leads to wife stabbing husband Police release photo of arson suspect Medford man who was misidentified as arson suspect released from jail Politics and Elections Medford council veterans plan exit Medical marijuana patients run for council seat Former colleagues laud Atiyeh's 'practical' leadership Bates-Dotterrer race called critical to Senate control Richardson challenges Kitzhaber during debate Education Free meals program expands in Grants Pass Migrant student numbers soar $21 million Science Building upgrades begin at SOU Eagle Point district mulls fate of Trail school SOU Provost James Klein plans to retire State news Nation - World Obituaries Alan R. 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Dining India Palace Taco Riendo Uber Herbal Coquina Restaurant Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines & Special Sections NEWS NOW The end of the whirled as we know it By Robert Galvin MailTribune.com By Robert Galvin Posted Aug. 3, 2014 @ 12:01 am Updated Aug 3, 2014 at 12:43 PM By Robert Galvin Posted Aug. 3, 2014 @ 12:01 am Updated Aug 3, 2014 at 12:43 PM » Social News It has come to my attention that some of our readers are disturbed. What has these folks all hot and bothered "... Hey, wait a minute, dinosaur jockey! That opening sounds strangely familiar. Well, um, why yes " ... so nice of me to remember. In point of fact, those first two sentences first appeared July 13, 2008, in a Southern Oregon Journal entry discussing how a few readers had noticed that the temperatures on our back page weather map didn't line up with those printed in stories about the current heat wave. (Well, the 2008 heat wave, not the "current" current heat wave. Peggy Dover has that one covered on Page 1B.) But that's beside the point. If there are two things Rogue Viewpoint has been these past couple of years, it's that: a) we're prone to go astray into tangential dimensions presenting both sides of an argument, often within the same sentence — to remind you (yes, you) that even if you use just 5.6 percent of your brain you don't have to be a parrot, a puppet or a pawn to the kings of mass media; and 2) we're environmentally friendly "¦ which is why, as in today's opening, we use as much recycled material as we can find. While we're at it, many thanks to the writers of the sitcom "Mad About You," from which I stole the a)-2) joke and have used repeatedly ever since. Now, back to our disturbed readers. It has come to my attention that one disturbed reader in particular has become frustrated* with the obscure, trite, cliché, undecipherable, redundant, hokey and groan-inducing cultural references that have been found in these pieces over the past couple of years. *I was going to say exhassperratid instead of frustrated, but I don't know how to spell "exasperated." I could, of course, apologize for being obscure, trite, cliché, undecipherable, redundant, hokey and groan-inducing, but won't for two reasons: a) it would be a waste of everyone else's time and my space; and 2) I don't want to. You, the Rogue Valley Southern Oregonians of Jackson County, you're smart people. My ecksazpuratted reader, for instance, recently brought to my attention that she had just discovered the sublimnal use of the hokey-pokey I had slipped into a Rogue Viewpoint written in 2012 about the notion of Medford adopting angled parking spaces along a portion of Main Street. While our cracked staff is rummaging around for said mention, let's check The Rapture Index. ... Hmmm, we've dropped a point to 186, still far above the "Fasten Your Seat Belts" level, but now two points away from the record high recorded on Feb. 18, 2013. I'm worried, though, about the Beast Government category, which is hovering at a steady 4, after it was discovered that "Pinellas County, Fla., students are paying for lunch by waving one hand over a palm scanner." Ah, here's the nod to the Hokey Pokey: "You press your gas pedal in. You ease your gas pedal out. You press your brake pedal in, swivel your head all about. You do the angled parking, while you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about." Whaddya gonna do? The Hokey Pokey is a transcendent cultural evolutionary touchstone from its earliest days as a welcoming ritual first practiced in the county of Owatagu, Siam. Roughly, it has come to mean (as it did in an early episode of "Mad About You," by the way) that people will do anything you tell them if you offer up a free bar. And it's not as though we're alone in appropriating previously used material. George Harrison famously lifted the first line from James Taylor's song "Something in the way she moves" and wrote a classic romantic ballad that Frank Sinatra sang after attributing it to John Lennon and Paul McCartney. So the apple doesn't fall far from the gravity of the situation. In fact, just last week, something I had conceived of back in "The Little White Dot" column in TV Tempo of March 5, 2010 came to pass. Lamenting the lack of originality in movies, I suggested back then that before you knew it, they'd make an adaptation of the 1980s television classic "Manimal." Welp, four years later that project has been announced. Still, as with the case of ZORK, Godwin's Law, Schrodinger's cat, the disappearing hyphen in the name of Mary Chapin Carpenter, the Trident dentists and submarines, the Big Red Button (press it, seriously), Lucy Van Pelt, Johnny Bravo, the interchangeable husbands of Samantha Steves and Partridge Family drummers, and Henry Denham, the Hokey Pokey and "Manimal" are just obscure, trite, cliché, undecipherable, redundant, hokey and groan-inducing sideshows to occupy time and — more importantly, from my perspective — space. For those who understand such references, Flying Spaghetti Monster willing, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't "¦ well, you can always go ogle them. There aren't enough hours in the day, even on Bajor, to deal with them all, for there is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep. For as the philosopher Homer has told us (more than once along the way): "Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain." I read somewhere once — and, no, my eggsaspergersated disturbed reader, not in a previous Rogue Viewpoint (honest, I checked) — that "occupying space is usually the last skill to deteriorate." And since this is indeed the last time I'll be occupying this space, I just wanted to set the record straight. So, as we reach the end of this error, I hope this explanation satisfies my disturbed reader, and she won't make me continue to sleep on the porch. Evolution's just a theory — until it smacks you in the face. Therefore, let it be said that, as we observe ak'voh for Rogue Viewpoint, we end not with a bang, or a whimper "¦ but with a period. Well, that's a wrap. The occupier of this space would like to thank you for giving me a small portion of your Sunday mornings, and sometimes sending along your own cognitive offerings — even the gentleman who claimed that reading this column had caused him to break out in hives. Still, overall, I can't complain. (Yes dear, I borrowed that from Todd Snider.) By Robert Galvin MailTribune.com By Robert Galvin Posted Aug. 3, 2014 @ 12:01 am Updated Aug 3, 2014 at 12:43 PM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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