Massaging my father 272 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body

Massaging my father 272 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body ✓ Use massage as a reward for children who complete their homework. ✓ Offer the family chef a massage In return for preparing a special meal. ✓ Make the idea of massage non-threatening by offering the simple, seated, back and neck massage (fully clothed) from Chapter 12. ✓ If someone says no to massage, respect that person's feelings, but offer a tidbit of Information that may help, such as the location of the headache-reduction massage point in the webbing between the thumb and index finger (see Chapter 13). ✓ When a family member does agree to receive his or her first-ever mas- sage, start out easy, with very light pressure, so you don't turn them off to the idea. Do some gentle warmups first, and then use more intense maneuvers after the person is used to your touch. ✓ Be willing to be the first one to offer massage and to continue offering it even if the favor is not reciprocated for a while. My father went to Emory University Hospital once for heart surgery, because his arteries were blocked. The entire family was scared. My mom and sister and I accompanied him, and we watched as theywheeled him into the oper- ating room, which was filled with high-tech, expensive equipment thatwe didn't understand. Hours later, he came out okay, but the nurses had to strap him to his hospital bed so he wouldn't accidentally roll over on the tubes and wires that sprouted from his body. I stayed by his side all night, watching his pain and discomfort increase until he asked me to try to do something about it. "Would you mind giving me a little massage, Son?" he asked. I agreed, and then slid my hands along the hos-pitatmattress under his-back until I could curl myfingers up and work on his knotted muscles. The operating table had been as hard as a block of concrete, and being strapped in one position for hours turned outto be the most painful part of the.operation. "You know, Steve; he said, his face just inches from mine, "After whet I've been through, it feels great just to be alive. And what you're doing feels indescribable." So, every hour or so during the night, I awoke from sleep in the chair beside him, stretched my fingers beneath his back again, and offered the best massage I could. We didn't speak many words, but the father-son communication between us had never been stronger. It's an experience that bonds us to this day. EFTA00008320 Chapter 18: Massage for the Whole Family 273 Sometimes, other people just plain aren't into massage. Don't force your family members into it if they're not comfortable. More commonly, they'll be ready and willing to experiment with massage, but only on the receiving end, leaving you perpetually in the role of giver. If, no matter what tactics you use, you still end up being the only person in your family wild and crazy enough to give massages, I say go ahead and do RI You'll be creating a closeness that wouldn't be there otherwise, and your family will eventually express their gratitude in other ways. Baby Massage "Where touching begins, there love and humanity also begin — within the first minutes following birth." —Ashley Montagu My wife and I were waiting in line at the grocery store one day with our four-month-old son sitting in his stroller. Suddenly, the woman behind us reached over and started massaging his toes. "Massage is very good for babies," she said, "especially here on the big toe. If he's depressed or angry, this will make him feel better." We were amazed, and it must have shown on our faces, because she looked up at us and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry," she said, "It really works. I saw It on TV!" Regardless of how you feel about strangers touching your child's feet in supermarkets, this story does point to the widespread acceptance of baby massage and child massage by people everywhere. Cultures from around the world embrace the concept of baby massage: ✓ People from India have massaged their babies for centuries. ✓ Eskimos and native people from East Africa have long histories of using baby massage, too. ✓ In Bali, children are held in constant physical contact for the first six months of life, and only then are their feet first allowed to touch the ground. Touch is part of the fabric of life, from the moment we first emerge from the womb into our parents' arms. Unfortunately, the more "civilized" and techno- logically advanced we become, the less time we seem to have to touch our babies, and that's why spending some quality time massaging babies is so important. EFTA00008321 274 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Why baby loves massage If you spend a little time around babies, you may start to think to yourself, "Hey, babies are different than normal humans. They seem hyper-sensitive. Every little touch is magnified a hundred times. Is It just me, or do babies feel things differently than we do?" Babies do indeed feel things more intensely than adults. This is caused by an abundance of special touch-sensing organs in the skin called Meissner's cor- puscles, which are five times more prevalent in children three years old and younger than they are in adults. Babies have 80 Meissner's corpuscles per square millimeter of skin versus 20 per square millimeter for adults and 4 per millimeter for seniors. Meissner's corpuscles are especially good at detecting light, fleeting movements across the skin, and so this type of movement is especially effective on babies. Also, researchers at the Touch Research Institute (TRI) in Miami have found that massage can actually help premature infants grow faster and leave the hospital sooner. Touch is a lifesaver for infants, who crave it as deeply as they crave oxygen, or light. So, when you add to that the pleasure It provides, it's no wonder babies love massage. Baby massage moves One thing about babies: They're really, really small. You can tell how small they are when you try to massage them and one of your hands covers their entire back. Besides, most of the time they're either squirming around like tadpoles.or lying fast asleep. So, what techniques are you supposed to use on such tiny, wriggling creatures? Here are a few pointers to get you started: Po Choose a time when the baby is tranquil to give the massage, perhaps after a bath, shortly after waking up, or right before bedtime. por Use light touch to stimulate the Meissner's corpuscles in your baby's skin, providing extra pleasure that makes him want to stay In one place longer. we The massage may only last one or two minutes before the baby squirms away, but that's okay. Just give as much as you can. V' Don't be afraid to make firm (but not hard) contact. Babies are more resilient than they look and like a nice, solid, reassuring touch. If you use only very light, tickling touch, the baby misses some of the benefits of massage. EFTA00008322 Chapter 18: Massage for the Whole Family 275 Baby massage routine The following moves are easy to do, as you can see from Figure 18-I. The hardest part will probably be getting your baby to sit still for them. 1. With the baby lying face up, run your fingertips lightly up over his abdomen, chest, and face, and then bring them back down again, as shown in Figure 18-la. Remember: This move is just to stimulate the Meissner's corpuscles, so it doesn't need to be firm at all. You can add some extra effectiveness to this move by saying "Wh0000sh!" as you bring your fingers up over the baby's body. After a little practice, your baby begins to anticipate this deliciously pleasurable move and smile when you approach him with outstretched fingers. 2. With your hands on the baby's sides, sweep your thumbs up over his abdomen, moving them outwards. Then lightly brush the thumbs back over the skin and repeat four to five times. This is a calming stroke that's good for the internal organs. Note: This move (shown in Figure 18-1b) requires relatively firm pressure, and you may need some oil or lotion, as well. 3. Using your thumbs, make little circles with moderate pressure into the fleshy area of baby's little tush, as shown in Figure 18-1c. He may try to squirm away from you while you're doing this move, but you may catch him smiling as he does so. This move feels great. 4. Apply an itty-bitty version of kneading to the baby's chubby little thighs, as shown in Figure 18-Id. Babies appreciate a little attention to these muscles, especially as they become more active and stand on their legs longer. 5. Help your baby stretch his legs by grasping his lower leg, pushing his knee up toward his chest, and then gently stretching the leg out straight toward you (see Figure 18-1e). Repeat this move three to four times. Support his opposite hip with your other hand to keep him steady while you do this move. Babies naturally love to stretch, just like dogs and cats, so this move feels especially good. 6. If you can get him to sit still long enough, you can apply a light (and very quick) version of the reflexology moves from Chapter 14 to your baby's feet. Babies are born with a complete set of reflexology points on their feet, and, In general, they love to have them stimulated, especially those little toes (see Figure 18-1f). EFTA00008323 276 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Figure 18-1: Massaging Baby CapeInn'. Baby massage training Babies don't need any special training to begin enjoying massage, but mom- mies and daddies can certainly benefit by learning a few tips from baby massage experts. Some good videos are available on the subject, and classes are given in many areas for parents, foster parents, grandparents, and anyone else interested. The massage techniques taught are not just for newborns either. Toddlers enjoy massage, too. If you really get Into it, you can become a certified baby massage instructor yourself. Some good training programs in the U.S. are offered by a woman named Vimala Schneider McClure, who experienced baby massage firsthand in India and brought it back to the U.S. She founded the international Association of Infant Massage, which now has over 2,500 members, and she wrote Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents, (Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Company). EFTA00008324 Chapter 18: Massage for the Whole Family 277 Contact one of the following numbers or visit the following Web site if you're interested in baby massage: ✓ International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM); contact person: Vimala Schneider McClure; telephone: 800-248-5432 ✓ Cinnabar School, P.O. Box 34326, Westbrook, Calgary, AB, Canada T3C 3W0; telephone: 403-246-6720; www. ba bymass age . com ✓ Tender Loving Touch; contact people: Slain Weisberg and Rita Day; Louisville, KY, telephone: 502-458-7007 Not for Women Only Massage can be enjoyed equally by men and women, of course, but there are certain circumstances in which women definitely receive a little something extra from the experience. I'm talking about that trio of specifically female conditions: ✓ Pregnancy ✓ PMS ✓ Menopause When a woman receives a massage during any of these times in her life, it not only benefits her, but all the people she lives with as well. Keeping females happy with massage is especially important for all males who live anywhere in their approximate vicinity. And who are the women closest to you? Usually they're related to you in one way or another. Mothers come to mind right away, for example. Massage is one of the best things you can do for your mother, whether it comes directly from your hands or as a gift (check out the coupons from Spa Wish in the back of the book for an easy way to purchase massage gifts for your mom, regard-less of what city she lives in). Wives and girlfriends deserve special massage attention, too, because they have the ability to instantaneously cut off a man's supply of something that he loves very much indeed — his happiness. If a lot more women received a lot more massage, there would be a lot less strife in a lot of families. Think about it. Massaging mommy-to-be If you are living with a pregnant woman, you can't do too many things for her that would make her happier than a nice massage. In fact, she'll absolutely love you for even offering. EFTA00008325 27sPart V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body /O"44 Labor day massage I was once asked by a client to accompany her into the labor room and assist with some mas- sage during delivery. This sounded like a good idea, so I read up on the subject and consulted with several experienced colleagues. When the big day came, however, things didn't turn out exactly the way we all expected. Mew minutes after arrival in the hospital birthing suite, I reached down to massage my clients feet between her rather powerful contractions. "Don't you touch mel" screamed my normally demure client in a voice that reminded no of Linda Blair in The Exorcist Perhaps I was the wrong gender. For centuries, women have stuck together at the crucial time of labor, offering each other the support and understanding that only theyknow how to give. A man, even with the best of intentions, often just can't seem to get the touch right at moments like that About half an hour later, standing •a respectful fewfeet away, I watched with amazementas my clients daughter made her appearance in the world. The massage could wait for another day: Doutas Some women blend the lines between working as a massage therapist and a childbirth assistant. In many countries, women calling themselves (kudos go through the process of labor with a woman, offering encouragement, sup- port, and often touch. If you'd like more information or are interested In becoming a doula or child- birth assistant yourself, contact the Association of Labor Assistants and Childbirth Educators, P.O. Box 382724, Cambridge, MA 02238; telephone: 617-441-2500; e-mail: a 1 a cehg@a of com; Web: www . a 1 a ce . org. Pregnancy massage pointers Giving massage to a pregnant woman is perfectly safe, and there are even special massage tables with big holes in the center (so the woman can lie down on her stomach) made especially for that purpose, but there are a few points you should keep in mind for safety's sake: ✓ A pregnant woman should not Ite facedown on her abdomen but rather faceup or on her side (unless a special table like the one described in this section is used). ✓ In the later stages of pregnancy, she should not lie facedown or faceup, but only on her side, because the extra weight of the fetus can put pres- sure on her aorta and cut off circulation when she's on her back. EFTA00008326 Chapter 18: Massage for the Whole Family 279 ✓ Make sure that she's comfortably supported at all times, using pillows and other cushions beneath her legs and head. ✓ Use only very light and soothing touch directly on the abdominal area. ✓ Stay away from the points near the heel that correspond to the repro-ductive organs in reflexology, because they're supposed to help induce labor. Refer to Figure 14-3 for the location of these points. For more information on this topic, see the sidebar in Chapter 10, 'Pregnancy: A contraindication?" With these guidelines in mind, you can confidently offer massage to your favorite pregnant person. A high percentage of pregnant women report back pain, sciatic pain, leg cramps, swelling of the ankles, and other problems that massage can help ease. So, she will definitely appreciate your efforts. To find out more, a good book on the subject is Mother Massage: A Handbook for Relieving the Discomforts of Pregnancy, by Elaine Stillerman (Delta Books). PMS (Please Massage Sean) Few people realize that the real words behind the acronym PMS are "please massage soon." The phrase' was coined back in the 1970s when some men started noticing that their wives or girlfriends periodically seemed to need an especially large share of love and attention. Massage was the perfect answer, and so many a man offered his sweetie some tender touch at those times when she seemed to need it the most. If your honey comes to you looking stressed-out or on the verge or tears for no apparent reason and asks you for a massage, do not ask any stupid ques-tions. Just start massaging. Immediately. Mena-passiblities All kinds of crazy things start happening with a woman's hormones about the time she's going through menopause. Many of these things have an effect on the way she looks and the way she feels. Massage can help create continued possibilities for health, good looks, and pleasure as a woman enters this stage of life. Massage is extremely beneficial at this time, because the increased circulation and the actions of the oils and creams used are good for the delicate collagen and elastin fibers that are beginning to break down, causing wrinkles. You're not going to rub away the wrinkles, but you can definitely add a healthy glow to gracefully maturing EFTA00008327 280 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body skin. The emotional reassurance and comfort given through caring touch do a lot to renew a woman's balance, too. The facial and the full day of spa pleasures I outline in Chapter 15 are sure to be appreciated by menopausal women, as well as a massage. Senior Massage As Art Linkletter once said, "Old age is not for sissies." All sorts of things start to happen to a body after It's been around for a while. In addition to the expected stiff joints and achy muscles, many seniors feel a deeper pain as well, the pain of loneliness. Massage can help with the stiffness. It can help with the aches. And some- times it can even help with the loneliness. Massage treats the little things that eventually become the big things. A little stiffness, for example, could lead to the awkwardness and lack of coordination that eventually ends up causing a fall. When seniors feel more relaxed and coordinated after a massage, they are less likely to fall. Little daily doses of touch can make the difference between a lonely life and a more fulfilled one. We are each born yearning for touch as babies, and, as we age, the need for contact is still there, though we often suppress it. A new movement is afoot for seniors these days. As the population in indus- trialized countries gets progressively older, people are not taking to the idea of retirement like they used to. A few years ago, the word retirement used to mean "ready to die." Now it means, "twenty more years of activities and then maybe slowing down a little." Massage can play a big part in keeping seniors vital and healthy during those years. In Chapter 5, I mention one of the world's favorite seniors, and a great fan of massage, Bob Hope. He's had a massage almost every day of his life for over 50 years, and he says it's been an important part of what's kept him going. As of this writing, he's nearing the 100-year mark. Maybe we could all learn a few things about aging from him. Reach out and touch someone older You can easily extend massage to seniors. Most are extremely grateful for the contact. All you really need is a tiny bit of courage to take that first step. Go ahead ... reach out and touch someone older. Try these suggestions to get started: EFTA00008328 Chapter 18: Massage for the Whole Family 281 ✓ Visit a senior citizen neighbor and spend a little time with her. Offer to give her a light shoulder and neck rub. ✓ Visit a retirement home and volunteer to make the rounds and talk to the residents. When you do, hold each one by the hand, making simple contact. ✓ Self-massage is great for seniors, too. If the opportunity is there, go ahead and teach the self-massage moves in Chapter 13 to a special senior. This is also a great way to share your enthusiasm for massage with your own parents or grandparents. You should follow a few guidelines when massaging seniors: ✓ Seniors are generally more frail than younger folks, so use gentler move- ments when giving them a massage. ✓ They're not made of porcelain, however, and you don't need to treat them like they're going to break at any second. Start off softly, and pro- gressively Increase the vigor of your massage until you reach a comfortable level. ✓ Make extra sure to ask for lots of feedback so you know what you're doing is okay. A chance to give back In studies conducted at the Touch Research Institute, it was found that seniors received almost as much benefit from giving massage as they did from receiving. Teaching seniors how to massage their grandchildren, for example, is a wonderful way to help them feel involved and in touch with the younger generations. You may be surprised how good the simple act of giving a massage can make someone feel. The contact is what counts. If you think Granny's a loner who enjoys being off in a corner, give her another chance and have her help you massage the baby. You may be surprised. Professional senior massage tv If you're headed in the direction of becoming a massage pro yourself, and you think you may want to specialize in offering your services to seniors, special organizations and trainings are available just for you. Contact the Day-Break Geriatric Massage Project in California (call 707-829-2798 or visit them on the Web at www.daybreak -ma s sage . com). They have books, videos, trainings, and a symposium for massage therapists who specialize in senior massage. EFTA00008329 282 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Final contact A friend called once and asked me to come over to give a massage to his father, who had recently suffered a stroke. It took both of us sev- eral minutes working together to get his father up on the massage table, because he was weak and partially paralyzed. The stroke had also taken away his ability to speak. For almost an hour, I did the best I could to help relieve some of the stress and fear that this man was going through. His muscles quivered. His eyes looked directly into mine. Near the end of the massage he reached his hand out and held onto my arm, and I felt a powerful silent com- munication pass between us through the touch. For 10 seconds, 30 seconds, a minute, he just held me. The next day I was scheduled to come massage him again, butthat morning I received a call. He was gone. Now, several years later, I can still feel the strength of his grip on my arm. Massage can offer some serious help for older people suffering from Parkinson's Disease, stroke, poor blood circulation, and other conditions. In some cases, patients have avoided amputations and terminal disability through the massage they've received. Many seniors, such as widowed people for example, are seldom touched, yet they're the people who need it the most. Massage can help. Touch at the end of life Massage can offer much needed reassurance for those people near the end of their lives. Some massage pros have specialized in this type of work, giving massage in hospitals and hospices. A sizable number of clergy, members of the National Association of Bodyworkers In Religious Service (NABRS), are also involved. You can learn more about offering this type of massage in the book Compassionate Touch: Hands-On Caregiving for the Elderly, the Ill and the Dying, by Dawn Nelson (Tatman Company). EFTA00008330 Chapter 19 The lover's Touch: Massage and Intimacy in This Chapter p Using sensual touch with your partner p Setting the sensual mood p Figuring out which moves feel good for your partner OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 0 • 0 0 0 0 0 0 OOOOO 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Let's face it: Sometimes, massage can just plain be sexy. Regardless of how therapeutic it is. Regardless of the fact that it was recommended cen-turies ago by ancient respectable guys like Hippocrates. Regardless of how favorably many physicians think of it today. Regardless of the way it's used by superstar athletes in smelly locker rooms. And regardless of the hundreds of thousands of professional practitioners out there who help heal millions of people through their non-sexual touch. INC/ As a practitioner of therapeutic, non-sexual massage myself, I am amongst those who would like to convince you that there's a big difference between sensual touch and therapeutic massage. But that doesn't mean sensual touch can't be therapeutic. In fact, the famous musician Marvin Gaye sang a song on that very topic. You guessed It — "Sexual Healing? This chapter offers a few basic ideas to get you started with some sensually oriented massage. You can take many of the suggestions from the rest of this book, too, and add a little spice to them. Be careful who you use your sensual healing techniques on, though, because they can be quite powerful. EFTA00008331 284 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body • Sensual Touch You need a few important ingredients in order to create a great sensual mas- sage. These include the following: ✓ A naked supermodel ✓ A gallon and a half of musk-scented massage oil from ancient Persia ✓ Any CD by Barry White ust kidding! Actually, having any of those ingredients on hand may indeed mprove your chances of experiencing the ultimate sensual massage, but hey're certainly not necessary. The following are the three things that you definitely need for a good sensual massage: ✓ The right intention ✓ Spontaneity ✓ Sensitivity The right intention So how do you go about being sensual with your chosen partner after you've decided you'd like to share a sexy massage together? The trick is to change your intention. You can tell the difference instantaneously when someone has a sensual intent with their massage moves. You may be surprised how the very same moves performed on the very same part of the body can have incredibly different effects, depending upon who's giving the massage, and what his or her intention Is. You can feel it in the touch. A fine line Iles between sensual and sexual massage, and believe it or not, sometimes sensual is better. Sensual massage is more relaxed. It doesn't expect anything. Sex is something that gets done, while sensuality just is. Once in a while, simply enjoy the touch without thinking about where it may lead. Relax there in the arms of sensuality for a time, taking some pressure off of you and your partner. You may like what you find. Spontaneity Perhaps the most important rule for sensual massage is, "Go with the flow." If you feel like the most appropriate place for the massage is out on the beach at midnight, then take your bottle of oil and head outside. Then again, the EFTA00008332 Chapter 19: The Lover's Touch: Massage and Intimacy 285 kitchen floor can become an exotically sensual environment when you lie down on it with your partner. Wherever you are, look around for items that can enhance your experience. You're bound to be able to use something that you have on hand — a texture, a sound, or a taste — like a big, juicy, ripe strawberry, for example. Sensitivity With sensual massage, you have to be especially sensitive to your partner's emotions during the session. Envelope him or her in a sense of warmth, caring, and safety. You don't have to beat your partner's tension into submis-sion or accomplish anything at all really. Just be there with him or her. Soft hands ONSAT In sensual massage, the idea Is not so much to soothe your partner's sore muscles, but to enchant him. So, you don't need to use as much pressure or strength as you do in a regular massage. Practice using soft hands, letting your fingertips and palms drift over the surface of the skin without trying to achieve any therapeutic purposes. This technique changes the massage mood, making it more sensual. A massage called Tantra You may wantto know about a special, sensual, energy-raising technique called Tantra. This technique combines meditation and lots of inter- esting activities you can use to change sexual energy into sensual/spiritual energy. You and your partner can engage in sensual massage, for example, to heighten your experience of togetherness, instead of rushing straight into the whole sex thing and then rolling over and falling asleep afterward. If you're into enhancing your sensual life, you can choose among many workshops, videos, and books. Pick up one of the books by Mantak Chia, for example, which you can find on the Web at www . tant ra .com . And while you're there, you can have fun discovering other aspects of Tantra, such as art and instructions from the Kama Sutra, an ancient text on sensu- ality. Plenty of couples workshops on the subject are available, too. Have fun! EFTA00008333 286 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Setting the Sensual Mood Sensuality is all about creating a sensual mood, right? So, it follows that your inner chamber, as I describe in Chapter 9, is especially Important during a sensual massage. But just how exactly are you supposed to make it sensual? You can use candles and incense, but how about something a little more daring? You may want to check out a few of the items listed below to help you and your partner get into the appropriate sensual mood. After all, you don't have all day to lie around waiting for the proper mood to strike. You're a busy person, and you have lots of other things on your mind. If you're feeling adventurous, try the following suggestions, and see what happens. Flavored massage oils Okay, I admit it ... flavored massage oils are a little on the hokey side. But you can't knock it till you try it, right? These days, there are flavors for every taste. You can even find, believe it or not, a cappuccino -flavored massage oil, which must be for those times you need a quick pick-me-up and don't want to suffer the extreme embarrassment of falling asleep with your tongue in your . partner's navel. Of course, the idea here is to enjoy the flavor of the oil while you're licking it off, but be careful not to get addicted to this pastime. Don't swallow whole pints of the stuff, because it could jeopardize your health. Like all oils, edible ones have a lot of cholesterol and fat, too. And nothing would be worse than gaining weight by licking your mate, which can lead to the worst of all excuses for not giving your honey a sensual massage: "I'm on a diet." If edible oils interest you, check out the Wild Syde on the Web at wi 1 d syde . com or call 800-433-6459 or 732-714-0306. Little devices Little devices that buzz and vibrate can be quite a pleasurable addition to a sensual massage experience. You can purchase such devices guilt-free at trendy shops in cities around the world these days, or you can order them through the mail. EFTA00008334 Chapter 19: The Lover's Touch: Massage and Intimacy 287 Videos All kinds of sensual massage videos are out there for you to use to help get you in the mood, but they share one big problem: The models are too good looking. For most people, watching one of those videos without feeling a little Inadequate is difficult. If you do watch them, Just keep reminding yourself that those people spend ten hours a day exercising, seven days a week. When they're not exercising, they're at the tanning salon, or the local health food restaurant having a bowl of lettuce for lunch, dressing on the side. Sensual Moves Here are a few moves that you can use when you're creating your sensual massage together. You may notice that some of these moves are not really moves at all, but attitudes. In a sensual massage you take more liberties with your partner. You drape yourselves over each other more, coming closer and dissolving the giver/receiver barrier. Creating (utter contact In therapeutic massage, you usually bring Just your hands and arms into con- tact with your partner, for the most part. In sensual massage, on the other hand, it doesn't matter how much of your body comes into contact with your partner. In fact, the more contact the better, as shown in Figure 19-1. For mas- sage maneuvers applied to the back, the neck, and the head, sit right down on your partner's tush. Just make sure not to rest all your weight on him, though, because you may cut off the circulation. Figure19-1: Sitting on top of your partner is great in sensual massage. EFTA00008335 285 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Figure19-2: Sensually draping your partner's limbs over your body adds to the experience. Limb draping When you're massaging your partner's limbs, let the entire leg or arm rest across your body. This creates a sensation of support and intimacy, espe- cially when you combine It with light, lacy moves with your fingertips on the inner thigh area, as shown in Figure 19-2. Ooh la lal Hair gliding The fine ends of your soft, silky hair can be instruments of exquisite pleasure. Simply let your hair hang down and brush lightly across your partner's skin anywhere on his body while you're giving the massage, as shown in Figure 19-3. Do not attempt this move If you have a buzz cut or a spiky Mohawk hairstyle, because you could inflict serious damage. Betty touching Ever notice how you instinctively cringe and protect your chest and abdomen when danger is present? You do this because the front of the human body is incredibly vulnerable and sensitive. This vulnerability is bad for self-defense from attacking wolverines, but it's great for sensual massage. Simply use a series of light, gliding strokes all up across the abdomen and chest, as shown in Figure 19-4. These moves are not meant to affect the mus- cles, as the chest massage moves In Chapter 11 are, but rather just to stimulate the skin (and the mind) of your partner. EFTA00008336 Chapter 19: The Lover's Touch: Massage and Intimacy 289 Figure 19•& In sensual massage, using your hair is part of the fun. Figure 19-4: The chest and abdomen are vulnerable, sensitive areas — perfect for sensual touch. The most sensual organ of them all Simply rubbing your hands and fingers over a person's erogenous zones can be, well, erotic, but it's not the only game in town. If you've been with your partner for a long time, you may want to explore some newer, less obvious zones. One particular organ is too often neglected, and it can be the most sensual one of all. On all humans, it's found in the same area. Everybody responds to stimulation there in a different way, though, making seduction and sensuality an endless surprise. EFTA00008337 290 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Of course, rm talking about the brain. If you can get inside your partner's imagination, you can lead him on an infinite number of new erotic experi- ences without ever leaving the safety of your house. Try it the next time you're sharing a sensual massage together. Fantasizing is okay If you find yourself repeatedly imagining that you're receiving your massage from a naked movie star on a beach In Tahiti, don't worry. That's normal. In fact, you may even use the fantasy to make the sensual massage more sensual. Encourage your partner to share a few juicy morsels from her fantasy life while you're applying these sensual moves. You may be surprised how the combination of your familiar touch and the fantasy of an exotic, unfamiliar situation adds to your experience. The ultimate aphrodisiac I once had the pleasure of massaging Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and I'll never forget what she said to me at the end of the massage. Still lying on the table, she glanced up at me with her trade- marked mischievous.grin, and said,. "Don't you want to ask mea,question?" "A question?" "Yes, you know, about love, or sex?" Her eyes twinkled. I couldn't pass up the opportunity for some free expert advice, and so I asked Dr. Ruth what the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world was. Oysters? Ginseng? Bark from the yohimbe tree in Africa? "Whatever works for you, works!" said Dr. Ruth, and the phrase has rung true all the years since she spoke it You and your partner can create the ultimate, personalized sensual massage experience that's right for you. Just remember Dr. Ruth cheering you on from the sidelines, which should put a smile on your face, and then go for itl EFTA00008338 Chapter 20 Have Hands, Will Travel: Doing Massage for a Living In This Chapter r> Determining whether massage Is the career for you I> Creating your own massage adventure I> Understanding the future of massage So, now, after practicing your new techniques and discovering the incredi- ble benefits of massage, you may be thinking to yourself, "Hey, all this massage stuff is just too much fun. I'd like to find out how I can spend a large percentage of my own time making others feel better like all those fantastic professional massage therapists I've been reading about. And besides, it may help to pay the rent." May I then shamelessly take this opportunity to suggest to you a fantastic book on exactly this subject, a book that was, coincidentally, written by me? The book is Massage Therapy Career Guide for hands-On Success. It is packed with over 300 pages of essential Information for the person who is seriously considering a walk down the massage career path, and for the person who has already begun that journey. Right here in this chapter, you're going to get enough information to make a sound decision on whether massage therapy may be the right career choice for you. You also find several tips and connections to get you going in the right direction. Is This the Career (or You? The first thing you should do when considering a career in massage is ask yourself a series of tough questions to determine your true motivations and chances for success. Answering the following questions, excerpted from Massage Therapy Career Guide, may give you a good preliminary idea about how well suited you are to this profession. EFTA00008339 292 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body The ten traits of a born massage therapist 1. Do people swoon and tell you that you have "great hands" when you simply place them upon their neck and shoulders and squeeze a little? Yes/No 2. Do you feel sympathetic pain someplace in your own body when some- one else tells you about their own pain? Yes/No 3. Do you feel very comfortable with your own and others' bodies? Are you free from excess inhibition and body image hang-ups? Yes/No 4. Do you have the ability and desire to work several hours a day at a very physical endeavor requiring significant stamina? Yes/No 5. Is It easy for you to remain in silence for an entire hour (or several hours in a row), without Indulging in conversation if a client doesn't wish it? Yes/No 6. Have people ever told you that your presence makes them feel peaceful or calm? Yes/No 7. Do you take your own health seriously by exercising, watching what you eat, and using moderation? Yes/No 8. Does the idea of changing your lifestyle and livelihood seem exciting rather than horrible? Yes/No 9. Is the human body a source of wonder and intrigue for you, making you want to learn more about how it works through intensive study? Yes/No 10. Are you willing to invest a significant amount of time and money for schooling, supplies, association memberships, and equipment? Yes/No Count up the number of "Yes" responses and compare your total with the fol- owing: ✓ 9-10 Head to the nearest massage school to enroll. ✓ 6—8 Begin serious Investigation about the possibilities; send away for more information from massage schools. ✓ 3-5 Seek the advice and inspiration of established massage therapists in your area who may be able to give you some Insight about what daily life in the massage field is really like. ✓ 0-2 Consider more deeply what your needs and motivations are for looking into massage as a career. EFTA00008340 Chapter 20: Have Hands, Will Travel: Doing Massage for a Living 293 An honest took at yourself Before you take the plunge, you really need to stop and ask yourself: Am I really into touching all those strangers all day long for the rest of my life? This is not a career for everybody. It takes a certain kind of person to be a massage therapist. And if you are that kind of person, what you may discover, after a short while, is that those "strangers" you may be touching are not really strangers after all, but fellow human beings whom you can relate to on a meaningful level through your newfound skills. Massage gives us an acceptable avenue for empathy. Practicing professionals can touch others in a caring, compassionate way, helping them with their problems, easing their stress, and letting them know they're not alone. Massage therapists are paid to be there for people. That's no small thing. So take an honest look at yourself. Does that deep desire to help and empathize with others outweigh whatever reservations you may have regard- ing the nitty-gritty reality of dealing with the not-always-wonderful public? If so, maybe you have quite an adventure ahead — a massage adventure. The Massage Adventure After you make this fundamental choice and decide to pursue your career in massage, then you have to prepare yourself for your new role in society. Yes, people may look at you with different eyes when they see you carrying around one of those big massage tables that look like padded suitcases. How will they react? What will the neighbors say? It's strange to think of yourself as this new person, isn't it? It's almost like becoming a police officer or ship captain or any other profession that involves the wearing of a uniform. You're on display as what you are, and it may be uncomfortable at first. These sensations gradually fade away, though, as you begin to associate more and more with other people who make a similar career decision. The first place you begin to meet your fellow travelers is usually in massage school. EFTA00008341 294 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Getting trained Chances are that you already know somebody who knows somebody who has taken up massage as a career. It's ever more popular, with people from many different backgrounds. There are over 800 massage schools in the U.S., where training usually lasts about 6 months. In some areas, though, you can get certified in as little as a hundred hours, and in others you need more than 1,000 hours, which can take up to a full year. Other countries can require significantly more training, such as Canada for example, with schools that have 2,000- or even 3,000-hour programs, lasting up to three years. Most schools offer part-time classroom hours for those students who work another Job, and some even have Saturday classes once a week for extended periods. Here are some of the things you explore in massage school: ✓ Anatomy ✓ Physiology ✓ Massage (dub!) ✓ Applicable ethics, history, law, and so on. ✓ Hygiene ✓ Allied therapies, such as hydrotherapy ✓ Professional conduct and ethics ✓ And much more Sounds like an actual academic program, doesn't it? That's because it is. Massage school is not just rubbing and relaxing all day, but that doesn't mean it isn't fun. Most graduates have very fond memories of their massage school days. And, just like in other schools, you establish new friendships, possibly spark romance, and change life paths. Choosing a school All massage schools are not created equal. And the one you choose may play an extremely important role in your overall experience of massage. Some schools have a very grass-roots feeling, and attending them makes you feel like a part of the massage revolution as it unfolds across the globe, touching people's spirits, as well as their bodies, in many important ways. Other schools are more interested in providing their students with a no-nonsense, technically oriented approach to massage based more strictly on a medical model. EFTA00008342 Chapter 20: Have Hands, Will Travel: Doing Massage for a Living 295 All schools let you attend an open house or a class to see whether the school's "personality" is the right match for you. Take advantage of this opportunity, and make sure to ask plenty of questions when you meet past and present students. Another way you can check the standards of a school is to see whether it is accredited by an official organization. In the US., for example, schools accredited by the Commission on Massage Training Accreditation/Approval (COMTAA) or the Integrative Massage and Somatic Therapies Accreditation Council (IMSTAC) had to meet some very strict guidelines. You can be rest assured of the quality. Information about these accrediting organizations is available from the American Massage Therapy Association and Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals. The prospect of attending a massage school may excite you, but you have no idea how truly valuable the experience is until you go through it yourself. Some of the high points include: ✓ Camaraderie ✓ Increased knowledge and self-confidence ✓ Exposure to new techniques and systems ✓ A return to the stimulating, youthful lifestyle of the student ✓ Credentials you can travel with ✓ Self-transformation (See the sidebar later in this chapter.) Chapter 21 lists ten of the best places to study massage. An information -packed book about massage schools is available from Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals (ABMP). It's called the Touch Training Directory, and you can order it by calling 800-458-2267 or 303-674-8478 or by visiting liVIW . a bmp . corn. Determining cost Massage school may cost anywhere from several hundred dollars a semester at a vocational technical school up to around $15,000 at some of the top schools, with the average seeming to hover in the $5,000 to $6,000 range. Schools in countries outside the U.S., based more on a medical education framework, can cost quite a bit more. As you can see, massage school usually entails a substantial investment. And that doesn't include the equipment and supplies you need to get started after you finish school. You need things like a massage table, business cards, and so on. So you need to think long and hard before plunking down that much dough for an education in touch therapy. This thought process is good. Think EFTA00008343 296 Part V: Living the Good Life: Massage for Every Body Transformation through massage school It's a rare person who can go through massage school and not be transformed on some funda- mental level. What makes this so, you ask? Several things: ✓ Everybody there is making a change of some sort in their lives, which makes for a lot of very open people, ready to share themselves with you, and readyto have fun! ye People enrolled in massage school are thereto take charge of their own lives in an entrepreneurial sense and a health sense, too, so you're likely to do some important networking with kindred spirits. Many busi- ness relationships have been forged,in the classroom. V Many students are often scared out of their wits that they won't be able to support theniselves after they graduate; this makes thertHeel vulnerable, and vulnerability is a very endearing quality in most people. It lets you all communicate on an honest level. v School offers you a time-out from the race you've been running in your life up to now. It gives you time to take stock of what's most important, of where you've been and where you truly want to go. v When you begin literally touching people on a daily basis, as you will in school, you quickly get back in touch with whets real, and what matters. Life matters. Health mat- ters. People matter. What you're doing is important, and as you realize this More and more each day,your Ramey transform. Attending massage school is no guarantee for a changed life, but it's a prettY 909d bet that you may come away with some insights and direc- tion thatyou never even considered before you began. Just stay open. of it as a filtering system that keeps the less-than-serious from getting into the profession. Even with the costs, many tens of thousands of new massage therapists enter the worldwide market every year. Obtaining licensing and certification After you graduate from school, you receive a certificate stating that you passed the course. Then, in many areas, you have to take that certificate and apply to take yet another exam to get your license. The license legally allows you to practice massage in your area. You never thought it would be so com- plex, did you? The laws regarding licensing can indeed be confusing, and they're different everywhere you go, so the best advice I can give you is to do some thorough research into the regulations in your own area. Just a little accidental slip-up could turn you into an outlaw massage rogue, which would not be good for your professional reputation. EFTA00008344 Chapter 20: Have Hands, Will Travel: Doing Massage for a Living 297 Discovering your neul lifestyle Freedom at last! After you make it through schooling, certification, and licen- sure, you're out there in the real world massaging real people — for real money. This new lifestyle you create for yourself is nothing like the boring 9 to 5 routine at your old job. But with your old job, you knew when you were working and you knew when you were off. Now, it seems like you're always either coming back from giving a massage, Just about to give a massage, or thinking of ways you can get more people to sign up for massages. Ah, there's the real rub; there's never an end to t