74 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage

74 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage Massage is all about making you feel comfortable in your own skin, and the last thing you want is to have a language barrier make you feel uncomfortable before you even begin. Words you don't know can make you feel like an out- sider, which may have the tragic consequence of keeping you from doing what you really want to do when you get a massage — relax and feel better. Your goal may be to become one of those knowledgeable clients who enters a massage clinic and requests "a bit of cranio-sacral for this headache I've had for two days now, and then some Trager in the hip area to loosen my tight psoas, and throw in some trigger point work on my traps, will you?" Or, on the other hand, perhaps this massage mumbo-jumbo seems completely pointless to you, and all you really want to do is lie down and get rubbed. Even if you belong to the latter group, knowing at least a few of the terms that massage therapists (and those who receive massage) commonly employ is helpful. This section is a primer on massage lingo to help familiarize you with the terms you may run into when you ✓ Contact a massage professional to inquire about rates, services, and so on ✓ Visit a massage clinic ✓ Read journals, magazines, or books in the field ✓ Attempt to explain massage to a friend ✓ Ask people to recommend a massage therapist or style for you Table 5-1 lists several specialized massage words and phrases that at first glance seem deceptively like everyday words and phrases. But don't be deceived. These words, when used in regards to massage, are highly specific and, when used correctly, can lead you to hours and hours of enjoyment, health benefits, and pleasure. Table 5-1 Massage-English, English-Massage Dictionary Word Non-massage definition Massage definition Rolled Past-tense of "to throw up Deep massage work on on," a variant spelling of connective tissues that "Ralphed" realign the body with gravity Bodyworker Mechanic specializing in A practitioner of massage repairing cars after or similar hands-on healing accidents techniques EFTA01721197 Chapter 5: A Massage Road Map 75 Word Non-massage definition Massage definition Structural work Carpentry, mostly done on house frames Massage that works on the body's muscles and connective tissues to better align them with gravity Spa Hot tub or Jacuzzi Health facility where people go to learn holistic practices, eat healthy foods, exercise, and receive massages and spa treatments Ayurveda Misspelling of a famous brand of natural beauty products found in salons An ancient healing system from India that uses diet, meditation, herbs, and massage to balance the body Swedish Anything from the country of Sweden The most well-known and widely practiced form of massage in the Western world, consisting of stroking, kneading, apply- ing pressure, stretching, and so on Trigger point The fine, pointed end of a pistol's trigger A tight, tender spot in a muscle that responds well to massage Connective tissues Kleenex brand facial tissues all linked together in a box The web of tissue (primarily collagen fibers) that surrounds your every muscle, organ, and bone, holding your body together Deep tissue Kleenex stuck deep between the cushions on your couch A type of massage that targets the deeper layers of muscle and connective tissue Energy work Repairs on the electrical lines of your house Type of massage that focuses on vital, invisible energies in your body (continued) EFTA01721198 76 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage Table 5-1 (continued) Word Non-manage definition Massage definition Adhesion The sticky mark left on your skin after removing an adhesive bandage Muscle and connective tissue fibers that are stuck together because of injuries, scars, aging, and lack of movement. Massage can help sepa- rate most adhesions, which are sometimes painful, though not usually dangerous. Drape Decorative material that Towels, sheets, and so on, hangs in front of a window used to cover a person receiving a massage Knots Things tied in ropes Tight bands of muscle fibers and connective tis- sues that massage often softens On-site massage Massage given at construction sites Seated and clothed massage given in special chairs — usually in offices, in stores, or at spe- cial events EFTA01721199 Chapter 5: A Massage Road Map 77 Bon jour, monsieur masseuse You walk into a health club and sign up fora massage. A big, burly, bodybuilder of a man walks out, shakes your hand in his massive paw, and tells you his name is John. "Nice to meet you," you say, slightly awed. "How long have you been a masseuse?" "I'm not a masseuse!" he thunders, causing you to shake in your sneakers. And once again you have thatterrible realization that you've flubbed up the whole masseur/masseuse thing. "Sorry," you stammer, confused and embar- rassed, but inside you're also a little mad. How are you supposed to remember the difference between those silly French words, and who made them.up in the firstplace anyway? Strangely enough, it was a Dutch man, Dr. Johann Mezger (1839-1909), who decided to use French words to describe the movements of massage, and even the word "massage" itself. The words for someone who performs massage therefore come from the French also: V A masseur is a male practitioner of massage. ✓ A masseuse is a female practitioner. An easy way for you to remember the correct term is to think of monsieur —the French word for Mr. —which sounds like masseur. And an even easier method is to avoid the masseur/masseuse dilemma altogether by using the more modern, non-gender-based term "massage therapist" for males and females alike, which is what most professionals prefer, anyway. EFTA01721200 78 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage EFTA01721201 Chapter 6 Look Who's Coming to Touch You 00000•0•00000000000000•00000000•0000 0 00 0 0 00000 000 In This Chapter p. Stalking the elusive referral p. Locating a massage therapist D Developing a relationship with your massage therapist D Deciding whether licensing matters OOOOOOOOOOOO ••00 9•0000•00000000•0 0 0 00000 000•000•0 you're no doubt absolutely convinced that massage would make a truly superb addition to your life, and you're just about ready to pick up that phone (yes, that one, right over there), dial one of the contact numbers I'm about to give you in this chapter, and order up your very first session of "touch take-out." Soon, a chipper and thoroughly professional person will show up at your door carrying a monstrous padded folding table. He or she will open the table in the privacy of your own comfortable dwelling. You'll smile self-confidently, take all your clothes off, and then ... wait a minute! Did I say, "Take all your clothes off?" Well, by golly, I guess I did. Suddenly, this whole, wonderfully abstract concept of massage has become disconcert- ingly real. And, in spite of your appreciation for the undeniably therapeutic benefits of massage, if that professional stranger were to ring your doorbell right this minute, you may be tempted to say, "Excuse me for a moment, will you? I just have to go get my law degree at Columbia University and then I'll be right with you." If that sounds like you, don't worry. This chapter's purpose Is to make you more comfortable with the people who will be massaging you, including people you already know, with whom sharing massage will be a new adventure. Stalking the Elusive Referral One time-honored concept used to battle your fear of a stranger in your home is to assure that the person who shows up on your doorstep to give you a massage is not a stranger. You can accomplish this goal In two ways: EFTA01721202 SO Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage 0 ✓ Give your cousin Billy several thousand dollars and send him through massage school so you can call him later and make an appointment. ✓ Get a referral. The second option is by far the more common choice, but that doesn't mean you should entirely dismiss the concept of financing massage school for friends or family members. The world needs more massage therapists! If you happen to be extremely wealthy, do the world a favor and set up a massage- school trust fund. (The investment may even be tax deductible.) A six-point mental checklist (to go over in your mind before deciding which massage therapist to try) No matter how qualified and highly recom- 3. mended a massage therapist may come to you, and no matter what other people say about her, you still must decide whether she's the right massage therapist for you. Remember, you're very likely to share a great deal of yourself with this person (massage therapists are like hair dressers on steroids when it comes to the con- fiding-in factor). And, because your massage therapist will get to know your body better than anyone else except an intimate partner, you have to be willing to trust her. Sometimes, you have no precise way to gauge which massage 5. therapist will make precisely the best "fit" with your personality, and no amount of analytical deliberation will help you decide who to choose. 6. That said, try using this quick checklist to judge your own gut reaction to the person you're about to spend a considerable amount of quality time with: 1. Does she immediately make you feel like you're important? 2. Does she look you right in the eye and fill you with a sense of utter confidence so that you're already feeling better before she even touches you? 4. Is she someone you'd like to emulate as far as calmness and tranquility go? Like it or not, you will probably look upon your massage therapist as a role model in the relaxation category. A tense, uptight massage therapist isn't setting a good example. Is she "soft" where she needs to be soft (unobtrusive and non-opinionated) and "hard" where she needs to be hard (unre- lenting in her serious desire to see you feel better)? Is she someone you feel an immediate sense of empathy with? To use a precise sci- entific term here, do the two of you click? Is she the right sex? The decision on whether to receive massage from a male or female massage therapist is entirely up to you. Many people have no preference, as long as the massage therapist is competent and strong, but others feel more comfortable with one sex than the other in a massage setting. Most massage establishments will give you a choice when requesting a mas- sage therapist After you get started with the actual massage, you'll probablyfind that the massage therapist's gender doesn't really matter as much as you may have thought EFTA01721203 Chapter 6: Look Who's Coming to Touch You Of course, you may be more comfortable going to the "neutral ground" of a professional massage establishment rather than inviting someone unknown into your home. See the section "Visiting a clinic" later in this chapter for more information. In case you're wondering who to ask for a referral without embarrassing yourself, the following list may come in handy. Actually, you may be sur- prised at how many people can potentially help you find a massage therapist. First, you probably should NOT ask certain people to refer a massage thera- pist, including ... ✓ Certain physicians who are not aware of the benefits of massage and who may think that all massage therapists are "quacks." ✓ Your Aunt Gertrude who had a massage once on a cruise and now con- siders herself an expert. ✓ People who are currently under indictment for health-care fraud. After you cross those sources off your list, you can still find plenty of helpful folks ready to steer you towards the nearest pair of helping hands. Some of those places where you're most likely to get a good referral from include ... ✓ The contact numbers at major massage associations and accrediting organizations (see the section "Organizations That Can Help You Find a Massage Therapist" later in this chapter). ✓ Enlightened physicians who are aware of the benefits of massage and who are more than happy to refer you to the ones they work with. In fact, many doctors these days have a massage therapist or two on staff. ✓ Athlete friends who receive massage as part of their training. ✓ A co-worker or family member who's had a particularly good experience with the massage therapist she's been using for an extended period of time. ✓ The "best-of" articles that health and beauty magazines such as Shape, Self, Mademoiselle, Glamour, and so on often feature. ✓ Your friend Tina, the one who wears the Birkenstock sandals all the time and has that look of blissed-out satisfaction on her face even when she's standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter. EFTA01721204 82 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage Getting a Helping Hand You can collectively refer to the four numbers I'm about to give you as "mas- sage central." Among them you'll find the contact information for over 80,000 qualified massage therapists in the U.S. right at your fingertips. Drum roll please ... and the contact numbers are: ✓ To find a massage therapist who is a member of the oldest nationwide organization, the American Massage Therapy Association (AMTA), call toll free, 888-843-2682, for their Find-A-Massage•Therapistcm Location Service. ✓ To find the nearest member of Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals (ABMP), call 800-458-2267. ✓ To find a member massage therapist of the International Massage Association (IMA), call 202-387-6555. ✓ For a list of massage therapists who have taken the test given by the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork (NCBTMB) and are therefore Nationally Certified in all 50 U.S. states, call 703-610-9015. Of course, among those 80,000* massage therapists, you're going to find quite a range of skills and offerings, and there isn't one, single tried-and-true means of prequalifying someone. However, you are living in an extremely lucky time, oh fortunate massage recipient, because in the past several years the number of highly skilled and fully trained massage pros has grown at an amazing rate all around the world. Following Is a list of contact numbers for professional massage practitioners in several countries: ✓ Australia: Massage Australia, Sydney, tel. (02) 4757 3050 ✓ France: French Federation of Masseurs Kinesitherapeutes (FFMKR), Paris, tel. 01 44 83 46 00 ✓ Italy: Federazione Nazionale del Collegi del Massofisioterapisti (F.N.C.M.), Rome, tel. 03 94 61 915 499 ✓ U.K.: The Institute for Complementary Medicine, London, tel. 00 44 171 237-5165 Locating a Massage Therapist If for some reason you can't locate a massage therapist by simply calling one of the numbers listed previously, you can pursue several other avenues in quest of massage. EFTA01721205 Chapter 6: Look Who's Coming to Touch You 53 Checking the ads Each locale has its own regulations regarding the advertising of massage, and sometimes the regulations vary from city to city. What may be perfectly legal in Los Angeles, for example, can be verboten in Sioux City, Iowa. Beware those ads featuring massage therapists with huge muscles, wearing black leather vests with no shirt underneath, staring straight into the camera with a come-hither look in their eyes, especially in San Francisco. These pictures may be a clue tipping you off to the extra curricular intentions of this particular massage therapist, licensed or not. Then again, it could be a fashion statement. Letting your fingers do the walking ,toPINtoip In some areas, massage therapists must include an official massage license number as part of any Yellow Pages listing for massage. According to Dan Ulrich, past president of the Florida State Massage Therapy Association, the inclusion of the license number in Yellow Pages and other ads significantly reduced the amount of unethical massage advertising. Although the license number is not mandatory everywhere, it's a clue that you're dealing with a therapeutic professional. If you don't see a license number or some other professional credentials listed, call and ask for one. Opening the bureau door You may occasionally run into ads for massage service bureaus that guaran- tee you a massage within a specified period of time (usually within a couple hours). The bureaus have a central number that you call, and they send one of the many independent massage therapists on their list out to you at your choice of location. Quite often, these are very up-and-up enterprises run by entrepreneurial massage therapists who have discovered a new way to multi- ply their effectiveness and their income. At times, though, the quality of the services offered can be a little iffy, because all the massage therapists aren't carefully screened all the time in all the bureaus. So, If you're not personally familiar with the service, and you haven't received a specific recommenda- tion, you're never sure exactly what you're going to get when you call one of these places. Bureaus are most useful when you're traveling and have no other means of contacting a massage therapist. EFTA01721206 54 Part II: The Ad of Receiving Massage Getting the most massage for your money When dealing with your massage therapist, cer- tain tactics can increase happiness for bothof you, and in the process, maximize the value you receive from your experience. ✓ Offer to pay up front for a discounted series of massages: For example, if the massage therapist charges $50 for a massage, offer $400 dollars for 10.massages. Often, mas- sage therapists appreciate the immediate cash flow and the guarantee of ongoing business. This arrangement is good for their business, and good for your pocketbook. ✓ Ask for a massage in exchange for refer- ring a new client to your massage therapist She will appreciate the new cus- tomer, and you deserve the recognition. ✓ Inquire about rates for longer massage ses- sions: Often the price drops proportionally with the length of the massage, and you can receive a 90- minute massage for not too much more.than a 60- minute massage. A massage therapist who charges $50 for an hour massage may offer an hour and a half massage for $65 or $70, for example. Going back to school Wherever you are, one excellent way to get in touch with a massage practitioner Is to call a massage school in your area. There are more schools around than you think— the U.S. alone has over 800. Look in the phone book, under "voca- tional schools" or "schools, massage therapy." The schools often have a list of graduates In the area that they can recommend, and quite often they offer mas- sage services in a clinic in the school. One excellent deal that many people take advantage of Is known as the student massage clinic in this setup, the students receive part of their training by working on real massage customers, under supervision, of course. Student massages go for only fraction of the normal cost, usually only X to Si the going rate of a professional massage in the area. More often than not, the students are already quite good at what they do, and dollar for dollar this option is one of the best bargains in massage. Keep in mind that you may be asked to fill out a detailed feedback form after the massage, for training purposes. Also, the student clinics usually take place in a big room with curtains separating the massage tables. Quite often, an instructor stops in to observe the student in action. So If you're a super- private individual who doesn't like to have other people around when you're getting a massage, the student clinic is probably not for you. Also, If you have a specific health problem that you'd like to address with massage, it's best to visit a licensed professional. For relaxation and stress relief, though, student massages are usually as effective as more expensive professional massages because the students are trying extra hard to please you (and pass their coursework at the same time!). EFTA01721207 Chapter 6: Look Who's Coming to Touch You 55 Pampering Your Massage Therapist After you choose a massage therapist and begin to develop a working rela- tionship with him, a few endearing personality quirks may begin to surface. Some massage therapists work barefoot, even in the winter, for example. Others hold a giant quartz crystal over your body before the massage. And some tape a bunch of magnets under their massage table to "align your energy" while they work on you. Try not to take your massage therapist's idiosyncrasies too seriously. They're just trying to do the best job they can. It's just that some of their methods may seem a little, um, colorful at first. Refer to rule # 9, "You're the boss," in Chapter 7 for advice on letting your massage therapist know what you're comfortable and what you're not comfortable with. As a general rule, massage therapists are a finicky and extremely sensitive lot. They're somewhat like pure-bred cats, and although their job description calls for a great deal of touching, they also need to receive strokes them- selves (often to that most delicate muscle, the ego). If you become an expert at scratching behind the ears of your massage therapist's self-image, you can coax a better performance from him, and your relationship will be a happier one all around. The following are some simple points to remember whenever you're dealing directly with your massage therapist: ✓ Always offer encouragement first before you criticize: For example, if your massage therapist is applying a little too much pressure in a partic- ular area, definitely let her know about it, but first say something like, "What you were doing a minute ago felt really great. You can lighten up the pressure a little right now, though." ✓ Always, always, always praise the massage your therapist just gave you immediately after you receive it, even if this is the seven hundred and eighty-ninth massage you've received from her. The immediate gratifi- cation of this simple act is powerful. It's the same reason all an actress's friends rush backstage after the play to heartily laud her skills. The ego muscle Is most delicate directly after the big performance, and for a great massage therapist, every massage is a type of performance. ✓ Always communicate clearly about exactly what fee you expect to pay for exactly which services: Pricing of massage services may be a sensitive issue. Be clear on the answers to the following questions before you begin: • Is the charge for an hour and fifteen minute massage higher than that for an hour massage? • Does the massage therapist have a cancellation policy? • Does your massage therapist reimburse insurance claims? EFTA01721208 86 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage Licensing Touch Being a wise consumer, when you head out looking for a massage pro to rub you the right way, you'll want to ask yourself that all-important question: Is she licensed? The problem here is that not all good, professional massage therapists In all areas are licensed. In the U.S., only half the states even require licensing for massage. Some states require no license at all, and in others the licensing is county-by-county or city-by-city So even someone who is very highly trained and takes her Job very seriously may be license-less, through no fault of her own. Internationally, licensing rules for massage therapists vary widely from coun- try to country. Some countries, like Singapore, for example, have little or no regulation, while in other countries, like France, massage therapists are part of the medical community and operate out of their own medical clinics. The best course of action in foreign countries is to ask someone you trust to rec- ommend massage. Also, you can read through Chapter 17 for some more suggestions. The rules concerning massage licensing are too complex and changeable to list here. They differ from area to area and time to time. In fact, in Santa Monica, California, where I first started working as a massage therapist, the actual laws on the books stated that nobody could open a massage clinic within 500 feet of a church, and in order to receive your city license to prac- tice, you had to take a test certifying that you were free of all venereal diseases. Go figure. If you want information about how massage practitioners are licensed in your area, you can call the board or department in your state that regulates mas- sage therapists. If there is no such regulating board, check with a local massage school to see what kind of education and certification is normal for practitioners in your area. The best thing to do when you're trying to determine the professional status of any individual massage therapist Is to ask the therapist. I know, this strat- egy is stunningly simple, but it works. If she doesn't know anything about licensing, you may have an unprofessional person on your hands. On the other hand, if she knows her stuff, she can tell you exactly who to call or where to look to verify local licensing requirements in general, and hers in particular. Because this whole licensing issue is so confusing in many areas, you're wise to consider certification as an equally, if not more, important factor in deter- mining who to choose as your massage therapist. EFTA01721209 Chapter 6: Look Who's Coming to Touch You 57 Original sin? Some massage therapists think that requiring licensing for massage is almost sinful, because they perceive what they do as art. They figure that licensing massage is like licensing a painter to paint, or a writer to write. Ridiculous! These people thoroughly oppose any attempts at control or regulation. They often live in cabins in rugged-individualist states such as Vermont, which, as an interesting side-note that has absolutely nothing to do with massage, is the only state that has managed to keep out Wal-Mart stores. If a massage therapist has graduated from a bona-fide massage school, he has received a certificate of completion, and this certificate often notes the number of hours completed, specialties studied, and other relevant informa- tion. This certification may be the single most substantial piece of evidence of a massage therapist's dedication to his craft, especially in those areas where licensing is not required. Another type of certification is awarded to those massage therapists who complete a test given by a certification board, such as the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork (NCBTMB). This certification is another way of determining competency. Remember, in massage, just as in a marriage, it's not the actual piece of paper, but the level of commitment on the participants' part that Is most vital to the success of the relationship. A fancy, gold-embossed massage license hanging on the wall in a frame is no guarantee that you're going to like a given massage therapist's technique. And, on the other hand, someone with no certificate or license at all may be one of the most highly skilled massage therapists you'll ever meet. When it comes down to choosing a pro, go with your heart and your intuition. EFTA01721210 SS Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage _ EFTA01721211 Chapter 7 The Rules for Receiving Massage 0000000000000000000000000000000 0 000G• 00000•0000 0 In This Chapter D Following guidelines for receiving a massage j;), Getting in tune and staying in touch Farom the day you were born, your body has been hanging around you like shadow. It never leaves you alone. You wake up in the morning, and there your body is, faithful as a puppy, thumping its little tail against your freshly washed bedspread. At first, having a body is a novelty, a fact that you can see reflected in the faces of babies and small children. Even the most mundane details about their bodies fill them with delight. "Oh boy, there's my hand again!" As you mature, however, you become more accustomed to having a body, and it begins to bore you. This boredom usually occurs as young people enter their teenage years. "Oh boy, my hand again, big deal." At this point, they begin to pierce their bodies in various locations and cover them with decorative tattoos. By the time people are full-fledged adults, though, most of them have begun to concentrate on other things, leaving their bodies far behind. The only time they really get connected to their bodies is when they're learning a new skill of some kind, like soccer, or neurosurgery. The result? Most people take their bodies for granted. One of massage's main objectives is to get you back "into" your body again. A good massage should rekindle your childlike enthusiasm for life. In order for massage to help you achieve the lofty goal of getting back in touch with yourself, you need to follow certain guidelines, which I Just happen to outline in this chapter. At first, some of these "rules" may seem a little simplistic to you. Others may appear irrelevant. However, I give you my personal guarantee that if you try them out when you're on the receiving end of a massage, you're going to get much more out of the experience. So, approach these guidelines with an open mind, apply them when you feel that doing so is appropriate during your own massage exchanges, and watch your enjoyment of massage soar to levels beyond your expectations. EFTA01721212 90 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage The rules for receiving massage are, in fact, quite similar to the Ancient Secrets of Life as passed down by Big Important Spiritual Leaders for thou- sands of years. Yes, it's true; you can learn every really important thing in life by lying down and getting rubbed. Honing your skills at receiving massage is more than simply a way to feel better. It's also a way to improve your life. Read through these rules, practice them, and you'll see what I mean. Rule #1: Keep Breathing When you receive a massage from a professional, she may remind you sev- eral times in a soft, soothing voice to breathe. And you may be tempted to say right back to her in a not-so-soothing voice, "I'm already breathing, in case you haven't noticed." Don't be offended. The massage therapist's comments aren't meant to imply that she thinks you're deceased, and she's not trying to insult you for your poor breathing skills. In fact, many massage therapists start each and every massage with a series of deep breaths, regardless of how obviously alive you are to begin with. A massage therapist may tell you to take deep breaths during a massage for the following reasons: ✓ To help you focus on the sensations you're feeling in your body rather than the internal monologue going on in your mind ✓ To get you to fill your lungs and thus all your cells with fresh oxygen, enlivening your entire body ✓ To help you become aware of muscles that you've been holding tense so you can start to relax them Most people walk around not actually breathing much. People tend to use only a tiny percentage of their lung capacity, just like they use only a tiny per- centage of their brain capacity. Proper breathing changes that. While receiving a massage, focus your mind as fully as possible upon the very important act of breathing. Focusing your mind on your breath brings your awareness back to your body quicker than anything else. EFTA01721213 Chapter 7: The Rules for Receiving Massage 91 Going with the diaphragm's flow The diaphragm is a muscle in your abdomen — it looks like a soft pizza shaped into a double-headed dome — that Is responsible for keeping you breathing (see Figure 7-1). Most of the time, your diaphragm is contracting and relaxing without conscious thought from you, but you can teach yourself to control this activity. In the section "Exercising your breathing muscle's breath," I give you an exercise that helps you use this muscle more con- sciously, which enables you to exert more control over your breathing, making it fuller and deeper. Figure 7-1: The diaphram and other elements of your respiratory system. EFTA01721214 92 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage Exercising your breathing muscles The next time you have the chance, spend a few minutes observing a sleep- ing — or at least relaxed — infant or toddler breathe. Pay close attention to the abdomen, and you can see the entire area gently lift and lower. This movement is the result of an active, uninhibited diaphragm at work. Then look down at your own abdomen while you breathe for a few minutes. Notice a difference? Where did all the lifting and lowering go? You still have the same breathing mechanisms you always did; they're not something you grow out of. With each breath you take, you should indeed have a visibly rhythmical, moving body. Somewhere along the line, though, most people stifle themselves into taking shallow, insufficient breaths. This type of breath- ing is a common reaction to the act of growing older. Don't worry, you're still getting enough oxygen to survive. But, are you getting enough to thrive? By practicing deep breathing during massage, you can literally rejuvenate your body, sending extra-oxygenated blood out all the way to your toes. The key to breathing properly while getting a massage is to take whole breaths, a term that basically means "breathing like a kid." Go ahead and try a whole breath now. Lie down on your back, placing your palms gently on your abdomen, and then begin this four-step process: 1. Breathe deep and low into your lungs so that your abdomen pushes your hands upward. Make sure that you're not just pushing up with your stomach muscles, but that you're actually expanding the entire abdominal area. 2. Continue the expansion up into your ribs, allowing them to push out- ward toward each side. 3. When your ribs have expanded out as far as they'll go, then expand them up toward your head, taking the last bit of breath into the area just beneath your collar bones. 4. Let the whole thing collapse. You don't need to try and push the air out; just let it flow. When your lungs feel empty and your abdomen is flat once again, you can restart the process. Rule #2: Stay Loose As you probably know, one of the main points of getting a massage is to relax. Logically, you may then think that you can just give your body to a massage therapist who will relax your body for you, like giving your car to a mechanic and expecting him to fix it. EFTA01721215 Chapter 7: The Rules for Receiving Massage 93 Please release me, let me go ... After you receive several massages, you'll grad- ually become accustomed to relaxing your own muscles. Eventually you notice that you can do the same thing even when you're not receiving massage, like when you're waiting in line at the grocery store, stuck in traffic, or sitting in a meeting with your boss. "Twang," will go one of your muscle fibers, and you'll feel it beginning to tighten up. Then, silently, without anyone noticing, you send a mental message to the growing knot, telling it to go away, in the same way that your massage therapist helps you do during a massage. You can take this side bene- fit of massage with you wherever you go. Expecting a massage therapist to do all your body's relaxing is called giving up responsibility for your own relaxation, and it's a no-no. Staying loose is your responsibility; the massage therapist can help you, but you basically have to do the relaxing yourself. So how do you do that? You accomplish relaxation by becoming more aware of what you're feeling in your own body. During the massage, your massage therapist often reminds you to focus on "knots" or tight areas. In those moments, using the power of your own imagination, you can begin to visualize what those knots may look like in your muscles, and to let go of them. If you're not staying loose by engaging your mind to relax your own muscles, you're missing more than half the benefits and effects of the massage. Rate #3: Let Go When you receive a massage, especially the first time, you may have a ten- dency — like just about everyone else in the world — to "help" the person working on you. You may graciously lift your limbs, hold your head up, and twist your body around, all to make things easier for the other person. Although this "helping" may seem like the friendliest thing to do, you're actu- ally hindering the massage process and making your massage therapist's job a little more difficult. Relaxing a person who is holding her own arm up in the air as stiff as a flag pole is pretty darn hard. The technical term for this tendency during massage Is hanging on, and you want to do exactly the opposite, which is letting.go. But what, exactly, does "letting go" mean? EFTA01721216 94 Patin: The Art of Receiving Massage The limp-arm experiment You're basically hanging onto yourself for dear life, even the parts of your body that are painful, stiff, or tense. This'hanging on is anatural ten- dency, but to get the most out of a massage, you have to let go. The "limp-arm experiment" is an easy way to begin training yourself to let go. All you need is a partner and someplace comfort- able to lie down. 1. Lie down on your back and have your part- ner lift your arm up in the air several inches. 2. After a few seconds, have your partner let go of your arm without any warning to you. Let your arm drop back down. (Make sure that you're lying on asoft surface.) 3. Watch to see whether your arm plops back down, limp as a noodle, or whether you hold it right where she left it, stiff as a board. What do you have to do to let your arm drop back down? What thought process do you have to go through? Whgt mental image? What body sensation? 4. Tell your partner to lift your arm a little higher each time. Instead of dropping your arm all the way back down, tell her to catch it in her other hand. 5. Keep repeating this exercise until your ann completely lets go and your partner can drop it from any height with absolutely no resistance. This ability may come naturally to you the very first time you try to let go, but normally the exercise takes quite a bit of conscious effort. You maynot be able to let go until you make several separate attempts on differ- ent days. After you master one arm, you can try the other arm, a leg, or your head. Use this newly formed skill to let go the nexttinie you receivaa massage. szA Nat If you were to take a microscope and look deep within your muscles and joints while you're getting a massage, you'd discover some specialized nerve cells that monitor the position and relative movement of your body. These cells are called proprioceptors (see Chapter 4). These cells constantly tell you where you are in space, something everybody likes to have a pretty firm control over all of the time, even while asleep. These cells keep you from just rolling right out of bed every night. About the only time you completely let go of all your holding patterns, ten- sions, and proprioceptive rigidities is when you're under deep anesthesia. Under anesthesia, people sometimes release the tension they normally think of as "built-in" through age or heredity, including stooped shoulders, stiff hips, ugly grimaces, and more. When they come out of anesthesia, they reclaim these habitual patterns almost instantaneously. They can't sustain the relaxation because it's unconscious. Massage, conversely, allows people to achieve a conscious relaxation, which can last indefinitely. EFTA01721217 Chapter 7: The Rules for Receiving Massage 95 One of my clients suffered for years from debilitating pain due to whiplash. Then one day she received a massage from a woman at Gurney's Inn, a spa in Montauk, New York. Alter that massage, the pain was almost entirely gone, and it continued to gradually fade away. My client was able to make such a drastic change by letting herself go fully into the healing hands of the mas- sage therapist. When she did, she stopped holding onto the same painful, habitual patterns that had formed in her body since the accident. Rule #4: Stop Thinking, Start Being The problem with your mind is that It just works too darn well, thinking and thinking and thinking without stopping all day long from the first moment you wake up until well after your head hits the pillow. This feature Is fine during most of your daily activities, but when it comes to getting a massage, too much thinking is definitely.a drawback. Many people get a massage and then ten minutes later can barely remember it because they weren't really paying attention to it while it was happening. Instead, an ongoing stream of thoughts kept them from fully experiencing the massage. When you're getting a massage, don't think about what you should have done the day before or what you plan to do an hour later. A massage is time to Be Here Now. The sensations you're feeling offer a great opportunity to quiet your mind, focus, and think of nothing else for a little while. In this way, every massage is a potential meditation. Don't get me wrong: relaxing and joking around during a massage is perfectly okay, too, but most people, at least once in a while, can benefit from a massage meditation. (See the sidebar, "A massage meditation," later in this chapter.) Rule #5: No Pain, No Gain? No Way! You may have heard of the massage-masochists who don't believe they're receiving a real massage unless they have to grit their teeth to keep from screaming through the whole thing. They're the ones you can hear yelling from behind massage room doors, "More pressure! More pressure!" This green-beret school of massage Is an unfortunate result of the "no-pain, no-gain" mentality that military academies, full-contact sports enthusiasts, and certain daytime-television talk show hosts foster. You don't need to buy into this way of thinking, and you shouldn't let this attitude scare you away from getting a massage. EFTA01721218 96 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage A massage meditation Meditation, in a nutshell, is the act of focusing 4. your entire attention on just one thing,thus stop- ping the constant chatter inside your head and experiencing a state of timelessness, content- ment and wholeness. People achieve this state in many ways — through sports, or silence, or prayer, for example — and massage is yet another activity that you can use to effectively shut out the rest of the world and tune into your 5. own inner peace. The next time you receive a massage, try this meditation ... 1. Close your eyes and begin to get in touch with your breath, as I describe in the sec- tion "Rule 61: Keep Breathing." Before you receive the first touch of the massage, spend several minutes trying to clear your mind of any other thoughts. Concentrate only on your breathing. 2. When your massage therapist first makes contact, imagine yourself breathing in through that very spot For example, if she starts by massaging your neck, imagine a stream of fresh oxygen and energy entering through your neck, exactly where her fingers are. 3. On the exhalation, imagine your muscles in that same area becoming softer, warmer, and looser. 6. Continue with this awareness — breathing relaxation into each successive point that the massage therapist is touching. Eventually, you become aware thatthe mas- sage therapist is tuning in to your breath as well, and the massage becomes a shared meditation. Communicate with your massage therapist, both verbally and nonverbally. Together, you can create a special massage mood that will help you focus on your experi- ence, making the massage more like a meditation (see Chapter 9). Keep bringing your mind back to the massage. You may realize, at various points during the massage, that your mind has wandered off on tome train of thought. This is completely natural and happens even to advanced meditation practitioners. Simply bring your mind gently back to the breath and the relaxation. Don't worry about how "good" you are at meditation. See Meditation For Dummies (IDG Books Worldwide) for more guidance and tips about meditation. So. how much pain should you experience during a massage? In my opinion, none. Zero. However, the line is indeed thin between the pleasure you receive during massage and a certain kind of therapeutic pain. Some people like to walk that line while they're getting a massage. If you want to experiment walk- ing this line yourself, make sure to do so with an experienced professional. Although certain muscle knots and patterns of tension do respond well to firm, well-focused pressure, you don't necessarily need to experience it for yourself. Harder massage is not always better massage, and at times the light- est touch can achieve the most profound benefits. EFTA01721219 Chapter 7: The Rules for Receiving Massage 97 Rule #6: Listen to pour Emotions Don't be surprised if during a massage one day you suddenly, for no reason at all, feel like crying your eyes out, or laughing hysterically. Massage some- times has that effect on people. Some of the reasons for this emotional response include: ✓ Certain emotional memories — usually the result of powerful experi- ences — can resurface when your body is massaged. ✓ No one has touched you with care, compassion, and gentleness for a very long time. In that case, the experience suddenly overwhelms you with gratitude, bringing forth tears. ✓ You're a very ticklish person. As esoteric as the first two explanations may sound, they're entirely plausi- ble. In fact, certain types of massage are famous for stirring up emotions. Rolling, for instance, often triggers this type of experience. The explanation for this emotional component of massage is straightforward — your body and mind have faithfully recorded your every experience, but some of these experiences were so unpleasant that you filed them away in your uncon- scious and shut down certain feelings in the corresponding part of your body. Massaging the affected areas can bring your awareness back to your body, thus unlocking the memories. If you encounter one of these emotional peaks yourself during a massage, relax, breathe, and allow it to happen. Remembering that you are safe in your present environment, let your mind drift to whatever images or memories seem to be surfacing. You may find yourself remembering all sorts of things that you hadn't thought of for years, and you can benefit from letting the attendant emotions flow freely through your body, without trying to stifle them. Professional massage therapists are accustomed to this type of emo- tional release and know how to make you feel comfortable while it's happening. There's no need to feel embarrassed by the experience. If, as occasionally happens, one of these resurfacing memories is particularly traumatic, as in the case of abuse, do whatever is necessary to comfort your- self. Communicate with the person massaging you, letting her know that you need to sit up again, or get wrapped in a blanket for a feeling of safety. Have some tissues nearby to dry away tears. Later you can decide whether you want to pursue these memories further with the guidance of a psychologist or other counselor. EFTA01721220 9sPart II: The Art of Receiving Massage Rule #7: Missing Out Is Okay Sometimes, massage doesn't Just make you feel great; it makes you feel ecsta- tic, rapturous, and filled with bliss. The feeling is visceral. You're lying there one minute relaxing, hopefully concentrating on your breathing, but perhaps just going over your grocery list in your head, when KABOOM!, it hits you, and suddenly you're just floating there in a syrupy sea of endorphins, not knowing what to do with yourself. I can tell you what to do: enjoy this feeling while it lasts, because, like every other human experience, it passes. These experiences are different for everyone, and nobody knows exactly what causes them. They've been responsible for many people changing their entire lives and heading into a career as a massage therapist. And people with spiritual inclinations, once touched in this fashion, have created entire ministries devoted to the "laying on of hands." A minister named Zach Thomas from North Carolina once had such a power- ful experience receiving a massage that he went on to become a massage therapist himself. At first, his church was opposed to his hands-on work, and Zach had to practice massage privately. Eventually, though, he took his skills and his compassionate touch out to the public, performing massage for dying people in hospices and hospitals. He helped form a group called the National Association of Bodywork in Religious Services (NABRS), which is active today with hundreds of members. Much of the work the members of this association do is for those people who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford it. The nuns and priests and other clergy involved practice the actual "laying on of hands" as written about in the Bible. For more information, you can write to the organization at 337 Tranquil Avenue, Charlotte, NC 28209. The spiritual secret behind massage? Simple,What massage really boils down to is two people just being together fully in the present moment, which has been the essence of spiritual traditions forever, especially in the East. The mystical traditions of the West have expressed similar sentiments, as noted in the phrase, "Be still and know that I am God? Thes