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- Subscribe - Contact Us - Rate Card - Place an Ad Valley&State Backpage O&E Sports Archives Classifieds Faith&Beliefs Obituaries Revels June 19, 2004 The Funnies Kids are nice for Father's Day Ned Hickson Soon it will be Father's Day. As any father will tell you, it's a very special day. That's because it allows you to see what it would be like if your children came from another planet. On Father's Day, children are required (and I'm pretty sure this is an actual law) to do things they would otherwise only do if there were serious chocolate involved. It is essentially a day similar to how you envisioned each day would be, back before you actually HAD children; back before reality set in, and you came to realize that, although insanity didn't previously run in your family, there was a good chance it would be starting with you. For example, on Father's Day, there's always enough hot water for my shower. That means plenty of time to wash-up, shave, and even get the mirror foggy so that, by squinting, I sort of look like Brad Pitt in the shower, squinting. After a horrible car accident. That's on Father's Day. On normal days, the hot water lasts just long enough for me to realize that, in the time it takes for me to squint, I'm already OUT of hot water. This is because I usually take a shower after my daughter, who, at age 9, defies the natural laws of physics by requiring close to 700 gallons of hot water to wash a surface area equal to six fruit roll-ups. Although I've tried to explain to her that most sea mammals get by on less water in their entire lifetime than she consumes in a single shower, she only listens to me one day a year. Which brings us to Father's Day rule No. 2: Children actually listen to Dad the first time he says something. Again, this goes back to those early dreams of fatherhood, when a raised brow was all that you'd need to bring order out of chaos. In reality, of course, that raised brow has now become part of a nervous tick that is a direct result of repeating yourself so many times that you've begun to sound like Dustin Hoffman in "Rainman." But this isn't the case on Father's Day. That's right; when we go out to breakfast, my children will listen the very first time I tell them to stop eating sugar packets - at which point they will, instead, politely begin consuming Crayons, place mats and/or whatever happens to be stuck under the table. I think it's important to note that what makes Father's Day different from Mother's Day in our house is that, for my wife, the transition into parenthood was easier for her than it was for me. That's because, like many women, she had time to prepare for dealing with children because, well ... She was married to a man. I, on the other hand, was not. (Which makes absolutely no sense, but really illustrates my point about that "insanity" thing I mentioned earlier.) In a way, Father's Day is about children expressing their love and appreciation for Dad by trying to be on their best behavior. It's a day filled with attentive faces, quiet voices, good manners and no squabbling. To be honest, I'm glad it only happens once a year. Otherwise I'd go insane. I love you, kids. And that's definitely worth repeating. Contact Ned Nickson at [email protected]. DailyTidings.com Home Page Valley&State | Backpage | O&E | Sports | Archives | Weather | Classifieds Columnists | Faith&Beliefs | Obituaries | Revels | Subscribe | Contact Us Copyright 2004 Ashland Daily Tidings and Ottaway Newspapers All Rights Reserved Click Here Site Search: .:Advertisements:. RESOURCES - Mail Tribune News - ODOT Road Cams