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--> --> A Tibetan dog, a frog, and a burrito By Larry Berteau We've all noticed that despite the despair and disgust that has disrupted our national landscape, our lives go on. There's still the daily grind of our jobs, laundry to do, meals to prepare, and in my particular case, a dog to tend. Wicket recently appeared at our scatter and has irretrievably altered life as I know it. Based on the amount of space he consumes, he should go virtually unnoticed. He's a couple months old, weighs in around 5 pounds, is a foot or so long, and about the same amount wide. He's coal black with white feet and chest. He has a lot of hair - literally and figuratively. He is adorable, or is it abominable? Anything but Boring Wicket has more papers than a Tidings delivery truck. He is better registered than a Boston debutante two weeks before her wedding. His lineage can be traced from Ashland, to Boring (that's a town in Oregon, honest), to London, to Tibet. He's a Lhasa Apso, which is Tibetan for "screaming animal with teeth like piranha and personality like moray eel." All dogs have a reputation as to how their breed came around. You've heard them. "My dachshund may look harmless but they were bred to go down raptor holes in search of dinners for their cavemasters during the Jurassic Period." Or, "My pit bull may look vicious but did you know that they were originally bred to serve as not-so-fluffy pillows for disenfranchised princesses who ended up in Pittsburgh as exiles?" Lhasa's suffer similar such touched tributes. It seems, according to Lhasa books - little coffee table numbers that would make a book of Rod McKuen poetry seem weighty - these balls of hair were palace watch dogs. Did I mention when fully grown these hairy buggers are about two feet long, two feet wide, and weigh in at around 20 pounds? In the dogfighting world, they'd be classified as bantam-weights. Read: sissies. A slick, Tibetan proposition Imagining Wicket watch-dogging a Tibetan palace is akin to envisioning a newspaper editor changing the oil in his car. (Certainly, THIS editor.) Perhaps the Dalai Lama doesn't require a big helping of watchdog. A "yip" here, a "yap" there, and the barbarians - who are all stoked up on a vegetarian lunch - take heel and head for the Himalayas. "The hounds are at the gate!" I imagine them saying. "Pack up the tabouli and get the tofu outta here." One question about Tibet has been answered for me since Wicket's arrival. I know why there are no such things as precious Tibetan rugs. Lhasa's eat rugs. And they do it methodically. They start at one end and work their way through to the other end, like a Mexican truck driver taking on a burrito. It's an incisive thing to watch. Gotta' run Despite Lhasa's registration and (lack of) breed, Wicket has a few flaws of his very own. He loves thongs. (The kind you wear on your feet, knucklehead. This is a family newspaper.) He doesn't attempt to wear them, although based on the platters he calls feet, we probably share the same shoe size. No, he eats them. He doesn't just chew, mind you, like most puppies. He chomps, swallows and digests them. I have backyard evidence to support this claim. Of course, he's lovable. When you pull back his facial hair, his beady eyes glare at you adoringly - that is, if you happen to think poison dart frogs are adorable. Of course, he's alert. The 5 a.m. thunderstorm of a couple mornings ago incurred his wrath. "Yip. Yap." And it worked! A couple hours later the storm beat feet and headed for the Himalayas. Larry Berteau is editor of The Tidings. Email your... Technical questions & comments to: WebMaster Daily Tidings editorial comments & questions to: Editor Visit our other Oregon Newspapers... | Albany Democrat-Herald | Ashland Daily Tidings | Corvallis Gazette-Times | | Lebanon Express | Newport News-Times | Springfield News | Cottage Grove Sentinel | Ashland Daily Tidings 1661 Siskiyou Blvd. Ashland, OR 97520 Telephone 541-482-3456 © Copyright 2001 Lee Northwest Publishing