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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW Our View: All's well that ends well ... Jeffrey Gillespie: A landmark in the history of love ... Herb Rothschild Jr.: Duke, Roof and us ... Our View: All's well that ends well ... Jeffrey Gillespie: A landmark in the history of love ... Herb Rothschild Jr.: Duke, Roof and us ... GUEST OPINION Guest Opinion: A New Year's resolution you can keep: starting “the conversation” Comment DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Jan. 28, 2015 at 12:01 AM Posted Jan. 28, 2015 at 12:01 AM What do you think? --> Have an opinion on this issue? Send a letter to the editor at www.dailytidings.com/sendletter. » Read more X What do you think? Have an opinion on this issue? Send a letter to the editor at www.dailytidings.com/sendletter. » Social News A close friend, Emily, called last week deeply worried following a holiday visit to her parents. The “amazing” 75-year olds from her last visit had begun to show frailty. It was little things that unnerved her. She had watched her father miss a rung on a ladder and almost fall. Her mother's hands had developed a tremor, and she'd burned herself on the stove. Emily didn't know whether to say anything, and if so, what. She was relieved to get home and “not have to deal with it for now.” In the weeks since Christmas, it seems the situation with her parents has only gotten worse — a couple of falls and an anxious call from a next-door neighbor about uncollected newspapers and mail — and still Emily and her parents are not able to talk about planning for their well-being in their decline. My mind went straight to another friend, Larry, who spent New Year’s Eve in the hospital ICU with his dad in a coma on a ventilator after a seemingly routine illness morphed without warning into kidney failure and stroke. Larry’s dad is only 60. Until the ambulance arrived, he was a businessman and avid golfer. It had never occurred to Larry that they should start talking about his dad’s wishes in the event of a crisis like this. And now he was distraught at having to make medical decisions for his dad in a vacuum. We can spend hours planning who will bring what to Christmas dinner, or how to celebrate New Year's. But talk about our inevitable last chapters and how to manage them? We don't know how to break through what feels like a taboo. Yet avoiding these tough conversations makes the final decades of life more challenging than they already are. My heart aches for Emily and her parents, and for Larry and his father. I am so grateful to my own parents for initiating conversations about the hard questions with my three siblings and me, and way earlier than any of us thought they needed to. Mom and Dad were only 62 and about to volunteer full-time in Alaska. They wanted us to know their wishes if something happened during their “crazy” and “dangerous” (or so we thought) adventure. After that they routinely updated us on their wishes. When Dad hit his head at age 71 and went into a coma, Mom already knew what he would want and she implemented his wishes with our blessings. When Mom was diagnosed with leukemia at 92, she got her wish — a gentle last month — and none of us children wasted precious time together urging her to “keep fighting.” Talking about these crucial matters is painful at first. I remember trying to brush my parents' concern away; I felt embarrassed to be talking with them about their inevitable decline and death. But once The Conversation starts, it becomes easier to update over coffee or on periodic “check in” phone chats. Then when the crisis hits, we have a head start in tackling difficult and confusing decisions. We need to document our wishes, but the most important first resource is an index finger dialing our parent’s (or adult child’s) phone number and saying, “Can we talk? We need to start The Conversation.” It’s the best New Year’s resolution we can make. Once you’ve opened the conversational door with your spouse, your adult children, or your parents, you will find there are a number of excellent resources to help with both The Conversation and with documenting your plans and wishes. Two of the best websites I have used are www.theconversationproject.org and www.prepareforyourcare.org . We also have a wonderful resource right here in the Rogue Valley: “COHO” is a project devoted to helping people with Choosing Options and Honoring Options. Be sure to check out COHO’s website, www.cohoroguevalley.org , for upcoming seminars and workshops. Priscilla Weaver lives in the Little Applegate River Valley. DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Jan. 28, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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