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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Parent files complaint against Ashland schools Living Well can help with chronic conditions Missing teen clue search fruitless OSF courtyard redesign gets rave reviews SOU field trip uncovers body of Klamath Falls fugitive Education Parent files complaint against Ashland schools Learning on the job AHS speech and debate team headed north Willow Wind inquiry forms now available District to host parent meeting Environment Grant will help restore 'legacy' oak habitat in Southern Oregon and Northern California Mt. Ashland Ski Area crew dips to five Mt. 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Other Views: Managing wild horses Letters Letters to the Editor, Jan. 28 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 27 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 26 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 23 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 22 Guest opinions Guest Column: A Koch and bull story Guest Opinion: A New Year’s resolution you can keep: starting “the conversation” Chris Honoré: Modern media: the unreliable narrator Guest Opinion: The relevance of socialism in the U.S. Herb Rothschild Jr.: Support single-payer Revels Latest Stories Frisell brings fine-tuned act to Armory Community blog: Applegate Library offers self-publishing workshop Classics, premiers highlight 2015 season for OSF Listings for Varsity Theatre and Ashland Street Cinemas Best Bets: Jan. 29-Feb. 5 Theater Classics, premiers highlight 2015 season for OSF Roy Orbison tribute hits high note Insights into the gifts theater offers off the stage Music Frisell brings fine-tuned act to Armory The Farr Side: Trainor building a music niche A laid-back chat with Marilyn Manson Roy Orbison tribute hits high note Jeff Kloetzel at Belle Fiore Visual Art Movies Listings for Varsity Theatre and Ashland Street Cinemas 'Whiplash' pounds out a riveting beat Movie review: ‘Mortdecai’ majorly misses the mark Movie review: Aniston’s performance is the icing on ‘Cake’ Movie review: ‘Cake’ showcases Jennifer Aniston at her best Food and Drink Cruelest Month: Poetry Blog Lifestyle Latest Stories Living Well can help with chronic conditions The ultimate spiritual experience of samadhi Amy Gehrt: Change is hard but sometimes necessary Looking Up: Full moon, planets shine this week Health Watch: Don’t let your fitness resolutions fizzle out Aging Happens Inner Peace Column Inner Peace Blog Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Photos Videos Blogs Business NEWS NOW Herb Rothschild Jr: Thoughts on the drug war ... SOU field trip uncovers body of Klamath Falls fugitive ... Amid rising scrutiny, governor says fiancee won't have role in administration ... Herb Rothschild Jr: Thoughts on the drug war ... SOU field trip uncovers body of Klamath Falls fugitive ... Amid rising scrutiny, governor says fiancee won't have role in administration ... GUEST OPINION Guest Opinion: A New Year's resolution you can keep: starting “the conversation” Comment DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Jan. 28, 2015 @ 12:01 am Posted Jan. 28, 2015 @ 12:01 am What do you think? --> Have an opinion on this issue? Send a letter to the editor at www.dailytidings.com/sendletter. » Read more X What do you think? Have an opinion on this issue? Send a letter to the editor at www.dailytidings.com/sendletter. » Social News A close friend, Emily, called last week deeply worried following a holiday visit to her parents. The “amazing” 75-year olds from her last visit had begun to show frailty. It was little things that unnerved her. She had watched her father miss a rung on a ladder and almost fall. Her mother's hands had developed a tremor, and she'd burned herself on the stove. Emily didn't know whether to say anything, and if so, what. She was relieved to get home and “not have to deal with it for now.” In the weeks since Christmas, it seems the situation with her parents has only gotten worse — a couple of falls and an anxious call from a next-door neighbor about uncollected newspapers and mail — and still Emily and her parents are not able to talk about planning for their well-being in their decline. My mind went straight to another friend, Larry, who spent New Year’s Eve in the hospital ICU with his dad in a coma on a ventilator after a seemingly routine illness morphed without warning into kidney failure and stroke. Larry’s dad is only 60. Until the ambulance arrived, he was a businessman and avid golfer. It had never occurred to Larry that they should start talking about his dad’s wishes in the event of a crisis like this. And now he was distraught at having to make medical decisions for his dad in a vacuum. We can spend hours planning who will bring what to Christmas dinner, or how to celebrate New Year's. But talk about our inevitable last chapters and how to manage them? We don't know how to break through what feels like a taboo. Yet avoiding these tough conversations makes the final decades of life more challenging than they already are. My heart aches for Emily and her parents, and for Larry and his father. I am so grateful to my own parents for initiating conversations about the hard questions with my three siblings and me, and way earlier than any of us thought they needed to. Mom and Dad were only 62 and about to volunteer full-time in Alaska. They wanted us to know their wishes if something happened during their “crazy” and “dangerous” (or so we thought) adventure. After that they routinely updated us on their wishes. When Dad hit his head at age 71 and went into a coma, Mom already knew what he would want and she implemented his wishes with our blessings. When Mom was diagnosed with leukemia at 92, she got her wish — a gentle last month — and none of us children wasted precious time together urging her to “keep fighting.” Talking about these crucial matters is painful at first. I remember trying to brush my parents' concern away; I felt embarrassed to be talking with them about their inevitable decline and death. But once The Conversation starts, it becomes easier to update over coffee or on periodic “check in” phone chats. Then when the crisis hits, we have a head start in tackling difficult and confusing decisions. We need to document our wishes, but the most important first resource is an index finger dialing our parent’s (or adult child’s) phone number and saying, “Can we talk? We need to start The Conversation.” It’s the best New Year’s resolution we can make. Once you’ve opened the conversational door with your spouse, your adult children, or your parents, you will find there are a number of excellent resources to help with both The Conversation and with documenting your plans and wishes. Two of the best websites I have used are www.theconversationproject.org and www.prepareforyourcare.org . We also have a wonderful resource right here in the Rogue Valley: “COHO” is a project devoted to helping people with Choosing Options and Honoring Options. Be sure to check out COHO’s website, www.cohoroguevalley.org , for upcoming seminars and workshops. Priscilla Weaver lives in the Little Applegate River Valley. DailyTidings.com Writer Posted Jan. 28, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with DailyTidings.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Alerts Email alerts RSS feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 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