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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? subscribe | newsletter | deals Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » NEWS NOW Sounds of Crater Lake ... Ashland council hopes to shift some meals tax funds ... Bybee fire in Crater Lake National Park closes Pacific Crest Trail ... Sounds of Crater Lake ... Ashland council hopes to shift some meals tax funds ... Bybee fire in Crater Lake National Park closes Pacific Crest Trail ... LOCAL AUTHOR Author says the best answer for grief is to let it happen Comment By John Darling For the Tidings DailyTidings.com By John Darling For the Tidings Posted Jul. 29, 2016 at 2:00 AM Updated Jul 29, 2016 at 10:01 AM By John Darling For the Tidings Posted Jul. 29, 2016 at 2:00 AM Updated Jul 29, 2016 at 10:01 AM » Social News Grief. Most of us don’t know much about it. We try to cheer up grieving people and encourage them to move on, but that doesn’t help much. Neither does suggesting the dead have gone to a better place. In fact, statements like those can hamper the healing process, making grief seem wrong — or like an illness. The fact is, says Ashland psychologist Jack Wiens in his new book “Tending Our Grief,” grieving people need to be allowed to grieve fully, rant, rave, cry or go off by themselves. Grieving people will ride a long series of emotional waves, often feeling they’re going crazy, which is all very normal. “When you think you’re over a big one, another wave will come and knock you upside down,” Wiens says. “But maybe my book can help people relax a little and realize they’re not losing their minds. They’re not psychotic. It’s a roller coaster. It’s what humans do.” Grief-stricken people need to be alone, but it’s important to stay connected to their community. You’re not imposing on someone else’s space if you use people to help, says Wiens, who has been a therapist for 30 years, including four years as a director of bereavement and training at a hospice center. His slim, 50-page book is self-published and rich with pen-and-ink illustrations that help get the point across poignantly and rapidly. He says he wanted to keep the book tight and direct, avoiding writing a 200-page tome, “because people in grief won’t read something that long.” Grief can come from many directions — death, divorce, loss of child custody or a generalized grief over societal crises. His own big grief experience was the parting from a longtime beloved, which he says went on for years and still comes around. “We want so much to remove the pain for the grieving person,” he notes. “We think we can say something magical. But we can’t. Be there and give lots of permission for their pain and snot and tears. Offer to do their dishes and take care of their kids. But bite your tongue. Don’t try to wipe away the tears." Wiens received a $4,000 grant from the local Haines & Friends Fund to work on the book. New Age author Neale Donald Walsch of Ashland wrote the foreword, calling it a “blessed balm of healing.” Wiens, 71, a native Oregonian, is the father of two and grandfather of three. A psychology graduate of Azusa Pacific College, his influences on grief include Francis Weller’s “The Wild Edge of Sorrow” and Martin Prechtel’s “The Smell of Rain on Dust.” “I feel good about the book. It’s accessible and speaks to a real need all of us have to deal with at some point. It helps ease the suffering … . Some cultures give you a year off to deal with grief and get support but definitely not our modern American culture. We have a lot of grief today, like about species extinction. It’s in the air and in the collective unconscious." The book is $6.95 on Amazon, where it has five 5-star blurbs, including one from Ashlander Jeff Golden, “It's eloquent, engrossing and deeply moving," Golden writes. "He's found amazingly fresh ways to convey old & ignored wisdom. What a powerful gift this book could be to someone in your life who's starting to navigate the frightening terrain of grief.” John Darling is an Ashland freelance writer. Reach him at [email protected]. By John Darling For the Tidings DailyTidings.com By John Darling For the Tidings Posted Jul. 29, 2016 at 2:00 AM Updated Jul 29, 2016 at 10:01 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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