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--> --> Land sharks: the next ancestral leap By Roger Simon WASHINGTON - I assume hunters, or "sportsmen" as they like to be called, are delighted by the recent shark attacks on humans up and down the East Coast. Hunters like to brag about how they enjoy "competition" with beasts and hunt them for "sport." They must be pleased, therefore, that at least once species of animal seems to be doing the same thing. As I have pointed out before, a "sport" is usually defined as a competition between two sides who have a roughly equal chance of winning. And hunters like to point out that their prey has superior hearing, sense of smell, fleetness of foot, etc. when compared to humans. All humans have, when it comes to deer-hunting for example, are high-powered rifles, recorded animal calls, bottled deer-lure scent, tree-stands, camouflage gear, etc. This has never sounded very "sporting" to me. I have suggested that if a sportsman really wanted to hunt a deer in a sporting manner, he would just go after one armed only with his bare hands or maybe a small knife. Then we would see who really could win the competition - a competition between two roughly equal sides. On the East Coast recently, sharks have apparently decided to engage in this activity. Humans, splashing around in water that sharks feel they have an equal claim to, have been attacked and killed by sharks. The humans have come into the contest - though they probably didn't realize it was a contest - armed only with what nature gave them: rather dull teeth, relatively slow swimming skills, the inability to breathe underwater and very sophisticated brains. Sharks, on the other hand, have rows of very sharp teeth and swim very well, but have very unsophisticated brains. Maybe. I say maybe, because humans, for all their superior intelligence, have not done the logical thing, which is: STAY OUT OF THE WATER WHEN THERE ARE SHARKS AROUND. Sharks filter this behavior through their very tiny brains and come up with one message: Dinner is served! And what happens? The two meet in even competition and the sharks do pretty well. But why is this happening? Why are we reading so much about shark attacks this year? Because we are killing more sharks than ever before. We are killing them for their meat, fins, cartilage, skin and teeth. Why do fewer sharks result in more unprovoked shark attacks on humans? Figure it out: The stupidest sharks get caught first. These are the sharks that see a hunk of meat on a big hook and say "Duh, looks OK to me." In other words, year after year, decade after decade, man has been thinning the shark herd, leaving only the smartest sharks behind. They mate and produce smarter sharks. And how long did you think it would take these sharks to figure out that attacking humans was their best defense? True, they cannot win against man. We have all sorts of weapons we can use against sharks and, after all, sharks have to stay in the water, while we can roam wherever we please. Maybe. I say maybe because sharks have existed for more than 400 million years. And how long do you think it is going to take them to figure out that they can do what our ancestors once did: Crawl up on dry land and develop legs. That's right: I am talking about the possibility of land sharks. I am talking about smart sharks developing new skills. I am talking about sharks who want to come ashore and hunt us for "sport." Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, it may not be safe on land. Roger Simon is a syndicated columnist for the Baltimore Sun. Email your... Technical questions & comments to: WebMaster Daily Tidings editorial comments & questions to: Editor Visit our other Oregon Newspapers... | Albany Democrat-Herald | Ashland Daily Tidings | Corvallis Gazette-Times | | Lebanon Express | Newport News-Times | Springfield News | Cottage Grove Sentinel | Ashland Daily Tidings 1661 Siskiyou Blvd. Ashland, OR 97520 Telephone 541-482-3456 © Copyright 2001 Lee Northwest Publishing