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--> --> Aug. 22: A canine case of bad bone disease By Larry Berteau Two dogs live at my house. They are unalike in the following ways: Wicket is a 1-year-old lhasa apso, and looks like there should be a handle attached in a very vulnerable spot to facilitate quick mop-ups in the kitchen and the cleaning of porcelains in the bathroom. Dusty is a 10-year-old golden retriever, and looks like an aircraft carrier with a hairy landing area. ·   ·   · Wicket is a watch dog. He growls ferociously at anything and barks out an alarm at everything. This may have been an important trait back in Tibet - the origin of this aberrant breed - when menaced monks needed to know if infidels were approaching the mountain monasteries. In Quiet Village in Ashland, it's not that compelling. To wit: Wicket growls at a sudden gust of wind. Wicket barks at neighbors when they close doors (on cars, houses, garages, mail boxes, ice chests, kitchen cabinets, tool sheds, fishing boxes, trunks, grandfather clocks, doll houses, the past, and so on). On the other paw, Dusty is a guard dog. He doesn't give an Alpo ort about any of the items in the previous paragraph. He sleeps through earthquakes and police sirens. He knows when and what to guard. He naps on the floor by the door, opens one eye when someone knocks, then closes that same eye immediately unless the knocking agent grabs the door knob and turns it. (This last part is conjecture, as it's never been tested, but I give Dusty the nod - surely he would keep the eye open.) His guard dog prowess has only been tested when the occasional raccoon waddles into the garage and tries to push its ample body through the cat door. It's not the invasion that has Dusty's attention in such a situation, it's that his food bowl is within range of the cat door. Such are the quirky hazards of our Quiet Village. ·   ·   · They also differ in more obvious ways: Wicket weighs 15 pounds, Dusty checks in at 8 times that. Wicket is black, Dusty is gold. Wicket sleeps on the bed, Dusty can't negotiate a bed (see weight, above). Wicket is aggressive, Dusty is docile. Wicket wouldn't be caught dead swimming, Dusty lives to swim. Wicket licks all objects (especially if there is whisker stubble attached), Dusty drools but keeps his tongue to himself. Wicket jumps, Dusty is earthbound. Wicket is jealous of everything, especially things that don't belong to him. Dusty is a diplomat, and shares everything except canine confidences. (I'd describe those but I'm sworn to secrecy.) Wicket chases cats (Yep, we've got three of them), Dusty laughs at cats. In all these ways they are very different animals. ·   ·   · But they share one characteristic, a trait so peculiar that if they belonged to a doggy fraternity, they'd be blackballed. Put it this way, because of this strange affectation, Wicket and Dusty would make a perfect TV sitcom - you know the formula, two otherwise ordinary people share an apartment and live ordinary lives except for this one particular drawback in their personalities, usually rising to such dizzying intellectual heights as: somehow they chose to live together, or they both have parents, something hefty like that. Wicket and Dusty's shared affliction is "Bad Bone Management." They both dig holes, bury their bones - like regular dogs - but they can never find them. Minutes after the ceremonial bone internment, Wicket and Dusty roam the back garden, performing the dog version of scratching their heads (looking around the yard, pretending not to be looking around the yard, ignoring each other, panting), followed by placing blame on the other dog. Wicket's version of casting blame is to bite Dusty's ears. Dusty's version is to imitate a cocker spaniel, cocking his head to one side, while imploring me to allow him to bite Wicket's head off. "Just this once," he seems to say. The bones are never found, never eaten, forever forsaken. Other than these things, Wicket and Dusty are normal Quiet Village mutts. Larry Berteau is editor of The Tidings. Email your... Technical questions & comments to: WebMaster Daily Tidings editorial comments & questions to: Editor Visit our other Oregon Newspapers... | Albany Democrat-Herald | Ashland Daily Tidings | Corvallis Gazette-Times | | Lebanon Express | Newport News-Times | Springfield News | Cottage Grove Sentinel | Ashland Daily Tidings 1661 Siskiyou Blvd. Ashland, OR 97520 Telephone 541-482-3456 © Copyright 2001 Lee Northwest Publishing