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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Emergency services South Medford, Ashland high schools earn national honors Costco tables plans for new store near Trader Joe's Charges dismissed against ex-head of high-tech crimes unit (No heading) Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Emergency services Alleged ringleader of Prospect burglars wanted by police Man says he shot nagging girlfriend by accident Emergency Services, May 12 Medford man sentenced in home-invasion robbery Politics and Elections Ashland water bills could go up to fund watershed protection Pacific Connector Gas Pipeline opponents rally in Medford BREAKING: Baltimore prosecutor charges officers in Freddie Gray's death Earthquakes hit regularly in Medford (Oklahoma, that is) Medford School Board, Position 6: Curt Ankerberg vs. Janet Lightheart Education South Medford, Ashland high schools earn national honors Medford garage sale will put books in African kids' hands Medford schools restore parent-teacher conferences Latino parents: More bilingual staff needed in Medford schools Medford schools still filling admin roles Environment Ashland water bills could go up to fund watershed protection Crater Lake may soon have China connection State waives college placement tests for students who hit high marks Stopping fire in its tracks Pacific Connector Gas Pipeline opponents rally in Medford State News West Linn police officer leads state in DUII arrests Oil industry challenges rules meant to stop train explosions Crooked River Ranch residents stumped by bare shoe tree Mom plans to sue after autistic daughter removed from plane Oregon's snowpack at just 11 percent of average Nation - World There's a $10 million precious stone hidden in plain sight at Grand Central Obituaries Doris Oka Chang Patrick Joseph Mulcahy Dr. Stephen Gallier Dippel Ronald Mitchell Betts Wallace Harry Greer Weather Photo Galleries Since You Asked Videos Web Cams Mail Tribune 100 Shareable Check out top import and export for every U.S. state Patriots fan sets up GoFundMe page to help pay for team's Deflategate fine Sports Latest Stories MLB pumps up ball security after Brady flap Mariners 'Cruz' to win over Padres Last one standing Ayers sparks Eagles past Ashland South Medford prevails over Grants Pass Varsity 541 College Sports Baldovino, Concordia upset No. 1 Oklahoma City Northwestern’s Wu chosen for NCAA field Oregon State AD De Carolis to step down Beavers, Utes tie in 15 OSU tosses second straight shutout Pro Sports MLB pumps up ball security after Brady flap Mariners 'Cruz' to win over Padres Houston avoids ouster, routs Clippers Stevens looking to turn tables in Preakness LeBron powers Cavaliers to 3-2 lead over Bulls Community Sports Bailey picks up modified win Business Latest Stories Medford airport still flying high with record passenger counts Tourism stronger than ever in Southern Oregon Erickson reports $75 million loss in 1st quarter Cars We Remember: Noted musician unravels 55-year Nash Rambler mystery Pacificorp plans solar farm at former Bly mill site Real Estate News Single-family home sales take off Never enough: New Starbucks proposed on Barnett Road in Medford Jackson County debt-ridden homeowners have an option New home in an old house Naumes plans custom-crush winery in former packing house People In Business People in Business Transportation Medford airport still flying high with record passenger counts Tourism stronger than ever in Southern Oregon Erickson finds room to work at Medford airport Lithia Motors nets $40.7 million in first quarter Lithia Motors reports second-best quarter ever Agriculture 1-800Flowers.com reports $10.5 million loss in third quarter Naumes plans custom-crush winery in former packing house Opinion Latest Our View: E-cigarette bill is half right, half wrong Letters to the Editor, May 13 Kathleen Parker: Defining deity down: Changing others' religion Guest Opinion: Ample water? 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Think again Guest Opinion: Oregon mothers need much more than flowers Guest Opinion: Child poverty and the Schneider Children’s Center Guest Opinion: Animal-killing program pulls wool over taxpayers' eyes Guest Opinion: Uniting to restore our sovereignty to we, the people Lifestyle Latest stories 5 Things to Do This Weekend (May 15-17) Dave Ramsey: Out of step with the Baby Steps Lost in Suburbia: Open wide and say, ‘Yawn’ Dear Monty: Five tips for companies to reduce relocation costs Quick, easy, versatile Food Quick, easy, versatile A classic dish: Celery Victor Tammy Kelly: Add springtime crunch with cucumbers Prudence Hilburn: Mexican-inspired dishes easy to make, delicious to enjoy Community blog: Kids in Brewpubs....... 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Hiking Biking Faith Religion Briefs: Friday, May 8 Religion Briefs: Friday, May 1 Religion Briefs: Friday, April 24 Religion Briefs: Friday, April 17 Milestones and Achievements Bukair-Hinkle Wedding: Stephanie Anne Obad and Mark Douglass Schmor Ashland water bills could go up to fund watershed protection Drones helping create unique wedding photos Pick your favorite wedding flowers Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Flowers, art and music highlight Art in Bloom 5 picks for live entertainment Live Music in Local Clubs Peter Rowan, Big Sandy & His Fly-Rite Boys at Rootsfest Dancing People Company presents 'Salon Series' Theater REVIEW: Randall Theatre's 'Little Shop of Horrors' a rollicking good time REVIEW: Carson, Patton shine in 'Arsenic and Old Lace' Some Oregon Shakespeare Festival crew members seek to unionize Randall Theatre stages 'Little Shop of Horrors' 'Much Ado' at SOU Music Live Music in Local Clubs Peter Rowan, Big Sandy & His Fly-Rite Boys at Rootsfest The Farr Side: Mumford & Sons’ latest is full-on rock Tina Malia at SOU Music Hall in Ashland Earthquake benefit for Nepal Community Events 5 things to see at Art in Bloom Flowers, art and music highlight Art in Bloom Hip-Hop Poetry Open Mic at OSF's Black Swan in Ashland Ashland's First Friday Art Walk showcases new exhiits by regional artists Master Gardener Spring Fair at The Expo Movies Movie review: ‘Hot Pursuit’ is a hot mess George Miller returns to his ‘Mad Max’ roots Tom Hardy adapts to life as Mad Max Victor D. Infante: ‘Avengers’ begs the questions, ‘Why superheroes, and why now?’ Movie review: ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ has a lot going on Dining Quick, easy, versatile Restaurant Inspections: April 2015 Restaurant inspections: May 10, 2015 Wood-fired pies at Peace of Pizza Trium is a classic example of a boutique winery Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obits Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Special Sections Business Services NEWS NOW Our View: E-cigarette bill is half right, half wrong ... Guest Opinion: Ample water? Think again ... Referendum provides only eventual funding for Schneider Children's Center ... Our View: E-cigarette bill is half right, half wrong ... Guest Opinion: Ample water? Think again ... Referendum provides only eventual funding for Schneider Children's Center ... Lost in Suburbia: The guaranteed, surefire Halloween candy plan Comment MailTribune.com Writer Posted Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:01 AM Posted Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:01 AM » Social News By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now When the air gets a hint of a chill to it and the leaves start drifting down off the trees, I know that the time has come for me to quietly bid farewell to summer … and start to freak out about Halloween candy. Yes, it’s true. I have Halloween Candy Neurosis. The problem is we live on a cul-de-sac, and so our trick-or-treating traffic tends to be on the light side. While the situation has never changed in the 10-plus years we have been living in our house, for some reason, I always panic at the supermarket, imagine we will be hit with an army of costumed candy-craving zombies, and buy way candy more than we will ever hand out. The result is that we are left with a huge volume of undistributed candy that invariably, inevitably, inexcusably ends up in my mouth. This year I decided I was going to break the cycle of excessive candy-ness. My plan was twofold. I was going to buy less than I thought I needed. And I was only going to buy candy I hated. In addition to being candy smart, I was also going to be candy thrifty. I had stockpiled a number of candy coupons from one particular store over the past month in anticipation of this event. Armed with my coupons and my resolve, I headed out to the store to show the candy who was boss. Although I was confident in my plan, I knew that buying candy that I hated would be a challenge. I will eat just about any candy that is not chocolate-covered bugs, with one other exception — I won’t eat chocolate-covered coconut. While I like coconut and I like chocolate, I can’t eat the two of them together. I don’t know what it is about the combination, but it makes my tongue want to get up and walk out of my mouth. Adding in an almond does nothing to help the situation. So while I won’t name names, you get the idea about which candy I won’t eat. This was the candy I intended to buy. Full of self-righteous coconut indignation, I hit the Halloween candy aisles and began searching for the coconut-candy-that-shall-not-be-named. I shielded my eyes from the chocolate peanut butters and the chocolate nougats and the chocolate chocolates in my single-minded quest for the one candy I would not eat. But there was nuthin. No coconut. No coconut with almonds. No coconut nuthin. Either a busload of crazed chocolate coconut-loving tourists had stopped off at the market and completely emptied the store of coconut candy, or the store had simply decided, like me, that the candy was just too icky to carry anymore. Either way, my master candy plan was derailed. I was at a loss. My entire Halloween strategy was at stake. What was I to do? Shielding my eyes from the shelves of candy that I wanted to avoid, I marched up to the checkout counter and asked for the manager. “WHERE’S THE COCONUT?” I demanded with as much hysterical restraint as I could muster. “We’re out,” she said simply. “Are you getting more?” I asked. “Don’t know,” she responded. “Hmm.” I said pondering my options. “Then do you have any chocolate covered bugs?” Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage. 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