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43 °F Forecast | Road Cams Sunday, October 10, 2004 Today's News | Classifieds | Autos | Homes | Jobs | Tempo | Health | Community | Home Delivery SECTIONS Home Page Local News Sports Business Obituaries Life Opinion - Politics Tempo AP News Weather Classified Archives Site Map SPECIAL SECTIONS Since We Asked Outdoor Journal Menu Guide How To Guide Wellness Connection Readers' Choice Real Estate Showcase Joy Magazine Homelife Magazine Wedding Guide Rogue Valley's Finest EXTRA Newspaper in Education Personals Movie Times TV Times E The People MARKETPLACE Find a Car Find a Home Find a Job Classifieds Place an ad eSouthernOregon Automotive Communities Entertainment Publications Recreation Calendar CUSTOMER SERVICE Frequent Questions Advertising Information Home Delivery Employment Contact Us Media Kit Network Affiliate Oregon Road Conditions & Cams Email Story to a Friend September 27, 2004 As counselor for the Jackson County Sheriff�s Department, Mercy Flights and Medford Fire Department, Larry Blight�s job is to deliver the news to families when a loved one has died. Mail Tribune / Jim Craven When Somebody Dies ... ‘IT’S THE JOB I HATE TO DO THE MOST’ By DAMIAN MANN Mail Tribune It was late at night 10 years ago when Larry Blight knocked on a door to give a mother and father the news that their son had been killed in a car accident. "After the woman saw me, she slammed the door and she just started screaming," says Blight, who is a full-time emergency services counselor with the Jackson County Sheriff’s Department, Mercy Flights and the Medford Fire Department. At the time, he worked in Washington state. He kept ringing and knocking. "A guy opens the door and he’s got a gun in his hand," Blight recalls, "and he says, ‘What did you say to cause my wife to scream like that?’ " When he explained that he was with the sheriff’s department and that the couple’s son had died in a traffic accident, the man put down the weapon and invited Blight into his home to take in the bad news. Advertisement Blight has been in charge of death notifications in Jackson County for three years. Mercy Flights provides him with office space and the sheriff’s department furnishes his vehicle. The 58-year-old Medford man says that for the past 20 years as chaplain and counselor in this area and in Washington, he has had to give 408 families the awful news. "It’s the job I hate to do the most," he says. Once the front door opens, Blight has about 60 seconds to tell the family who he is and what happened, something that usually has to be repeated several times before it sinks in. "Their mind is moving, and they are not catching the full impact of what I have said," Blight says. Sheriff’s Detective Dan Hobbs says it’s a relief for deputies to have someone like Blight who can counsel families. "Death notification is one of the worst things as a police officer," he says. The rewarding part of Blight’s profession is giving people the support they need when they’re overcome with grief. "A lot of people in this area don’t have relatives to turn to," Blight says. "Sometimes it’s a woman whose husband has died and she has no one there to support her." In one instance, Blight stayed with an elderly woman for about five hours through the night until her family arrived from Eugene. Another elderly woman had left all the household accounting to her husband throughout their lifetime. When her husband died, Blight says, "She didn’t even know how to write a check." He called an accountant, who went with the woman to a local bank and helped her with her finances. Sometimes family members will demand to see the body, even if it has been badly burned, and Blight must gently talk them out of it. Many families, overcome with grief, find it difficult to make funeral arrangements. "One of the things I find is they’re afraid of the funeral home," he says. Although Blight thinks concerns about funeral homes in this area are unwarranted, he tries to explain what is needed and how much the family can expect to spend. "I’ve gone with them and sat with them at the funeral homes," he says. Sometimes just picking out clothing for the deceased is difficult, so Blight may be asked to select a dress or suit from the victim’s closet. Blight refrains from mentioning religion at all, unless the family brings it up. "I’ve had a couple of cases where I really blew it," he says. "They were in the blaming God mode, and they told me, ‘You get off this property because you’re a chaplain.’" Blight, who has made his own funeral arrangements and prepared his estate, advises others to do the same, no matter how difficult it is to talk about death. Avoiding the issue could bring problems down the road. In one case, he remembers family members brought their disagreements to a funeral. "The brother and sister were fighting over something and mom went to break it up, and in their pushing and shoving and screaming they hit mom, knocked her down and the brother stumbles to go to help mom and knocks the casket off and it goes down into the hole, and it was just the most disastrous thing," says Blight. "Then the coffin went down and a guy pitched in after it and they caught him by the legs." Some avoid dealing with their grief by throwing all their energies into overplanning funeral arrangements. "They get so caught up in the business of death that the emotions get put on the back burner," he says. Reach reporter Damian Mann at 776-4476, or e-mail [email protected] Mail Tribune Home Local News | Sports | Business | Obituaries | Life Opinion - Politics | AP News | Archives | Site Map E Southern Oregon | Classified Copyright © 1997-2004 Mail Tribune. All rights reserved. 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