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Tech lesson fosters family tie Jun 05, 2007 12:00 AM A A Here's the scene. My daughter's visiting for the weekend and we're driving in the countryside — off on a small adventure. I'm at the wheel. I've not spent much time with her recently and we're recon-necting. Jen's multi-tasking. She's talking to me, checking messages on her phone and setting up my cell phone with frequently called numbers. (And yes, it's true; I've had that phone for over a year and have not programmed it.) I'm aware Jen's one minute of button-pushing will save me countless hours over the next months. I suspect she is aware of it, too. Suddenly my lovely (helpful) daughter exclaims, actually she sort of shouts, "Omigosh, mom! You have 17 text messages!" And I'm thinking, "Is that a good thing?" Apparently I've been receiving typed (text) messages on my phone for months without realizing it. She scrolls through them. Many are from her. All those times I thought she should be keeping in better touch, she actually was. Eyes on the road, I hear her say, "I'm going to text you right now." (She really means "test" me.) I tell her I'll retrieve the message when we reach our destination. I need to focus on our route. I've lost sight of my usual set of geographic markers and am not sure I'm on the right road. I say that aloud. Jen rolls her eyes (just a bit) while she turns her phone into a keyboard and types. Seconds later, my phone lets out an unfamiliar "bong." It bongs again just as we round the corner and see our destination. I look at my cell phone screen. The message reads "We R so LOST." I think, "No, we aren't, dear daughter. We are in fact finding ourselves — in new ways on uncharted turf." I love having adult children. I relish the fact that they know how to do things I don't. I cherish their breezy ways and their spontaneous energy. These same children who were such challenges in their teens and early 20s have finally come of age. Whoever said, "You do not know who your child has actually become until he/she gets to be age 28?" I cannot attribute that quote to anyone specific and am thinking, perhaps, I made it up — but then I do have three children and lots of remembered angst. None today — angst, that is. Today we are involved in such things as choosing and purchasing garden plants in out-of-the-way places. We spend the morning culling through dusty storage boxes and then have a slightly-decadent lunch that includes lots of laughter. When Jen was younger, I remember reading a book by psychologist-turned-author Mary Pipher. The book, "Reviving Ophelia," warned mothers about the many challenges their teenage daughters face. There was a special caution about "electronic communities." I look over at my technologically savvy, cell phone-competent, happy-and-independent daughter and have only pride. I text Jen, just to be sure I've got the newly acquired skill down. "UR wonderful" is what I tell her. Her response is "UR2." Then I remember another Mary Pipher quote: "It's in the shelter of each other that people live." Sharon Johnson is an associate professor in health and human services at Oregon State University and on the faculty of the OSU Extension. E-mail her at [email protected] or call 776-7371, Ext. 210.