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Someone to talk to Rogue Valley volunteer counselors help seniors air their feelings about death, loss of purpose and loneliness through Age Wise, Age Well program By JOHN DARLING One of the age groups in American society least likely to seek counseling has some of the toughest issues to work through. Seniors find themselves dealing with issues they haven't confronted before - declining health, the death of friends, relocation to be near adult children, burnout from taking care of a dying spouse, lack of purpose in retirement and their own approaching death, said nurse Linda Ferguson, director of Jackson County Mental Health's Age Wise, Age Well peer counseling program. Underlying it all may be depression, she said, and many seniors need someone to talk to - someone neutral, older and affordable. They find this help, free, from the 15 volunteer counselors at Age Wise, Age Well. None of the volunteers are professional counselors, but all are over age 55, undergo 48 hours of training and attend weekly group briefings. "Our clients are done with jobs and raising children, maybe they've lost a spouse and they're getting old, feeling depressed, lonely and disconnected," said volunteer Bob Hillel. "We let them know life's not coming to an end, it's coming to a change. We share stories both ways. And when we see that spark come into someone's eye because they're working through something, it's a tremendous lift to us, too." Counselors help older people "find a new appreciation for a past bad experience, so they can change their perspective and be empowered by it," said volunteer Linda Zigich. A big obstacle is that the generation over age 55 looks on mental health care as stigmatizing. "It still means you're a bit crazy, you can't take care of yourself and they might come and take you away," Zigich said. Peer counselors, as they're called, tend to have experience in nursing, teaching, social work or religion, but they can come from any background. "The main thing is, they have a lot of life experience. They've dealt with losses. They're interested in other people," said Ferguson. "I've had a good life," said volunteer Paul Roland, "and this is a wonderful opportunity to pay the world back." Referrals come from home health nurses, members of the clergy, doctors or senior care workers in hospitals who spot older people in need of someone to talk to. Ferguson does an in-home evaluation before assigning the volunteer she thinks would make the best match. "We'll just be there and let them talk about anything they want. Once you get into working with them, it can go much deeper," said volunteer Merrell Schwimmer. "We hear things, like abuse in childhood, 80 years ago, that people really need to get off their chest, that they've never told anyone in their whole lives," said Zigich. Many World War II veterans, now in their 70s and 80s, suffer grief from combat experiences, said Hillel, a survivor of 35 B-17 missions over Europe. WWII vets traditionally have talked about the war only with others who were there, he said. Many older people carry scars from sexual behavior, such as extramarital affairs and pregnancies out of marriage in the first half of the 20th century, when sexual codes were much stricter and such things were left in shame and silence, volunteers said. In one case, a depressed elderly man in hospice care was suffering from major illnesses and had been given six months to live, said Schwimmer. He wanted his wife to touch and comfort him, but hadn't been able to say that. It came out that she had long-standing resentments against him. Once they talked about it, they forgave each other and were able to find some peace and he lived another five years. "It takes a hell of a long time for some of us to grow up," said Roland. "It's very hard to open up when we've spent 70 years stuffing it." "I've seen seniors take a lesson from younger people about opening up," said volunteer Nora Yeoman, referring to the 35- to 55-year-old baby-boomer generation. "They wonder why they were never allowed to do it." Another obstacle to mental health in seniors is that they devalue their own wisdom, said Ferguson, in large part because society glorifies youth. "Seniors don't get much credibility in our culture," said Schwimmer, "because old age just isn't valued." However, said Zigich, "Seniors are becoming more aware of the value of communicating." Relocating to be near adult children can set the stage for inner crises, said volunteer Barbara Skarim. "They often get moved here by the kids against their better judgment, they get isolated, they have no friends, just their children, they're at sea, then something happens - a health problem, loss of driver's license - and they can suddenly start thinking things are pretty hopeless." One of Zigich's clients had an epiphany during counseling, after which she told her family how ignored she'd felt for years. "She was depressed for three weeks afterward, but finally family members came around and began treating her with new respect. It changed her life and she became very close to her children. We're constantly seeing that it's never too late to have the light go on in life and change your circumstances." John Darling is an Ashland freelance writer. Suggestions for Prime Time stories are welcome at [email protected] . Mail Tribune Home | Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. | Dow Jones & Co., Inc. | Privacy | Contact Us Copyright � 2001 Mail Tribune, Inc.