Document text
3 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories 'We tried to de-escalate it' App Finder: Top tax apps Emergency Services West Medford neighbors welcome program to feed homeless, but want bathrooms added Eight vie for Medford School Board positions Crime, Courts and Emergency Services 'We tried to de-escalate it' Emergency Services Boyfriend gets 20 years for abuse of toddler Pursuit of stolen car in Medford ends with crash, power outage Emergency services, March 19 Politics and Elections Arthur I. Cyr: Iran – a crisis without end Arthur I. Cyr: South Korea represents long-term triumph – for them and for US Special election: Jackson County voters OK marijuana tax Ex-Merkley aide chosen as Oregon secretary of state Ashland: Budget increase, swimming pool funding discussion on council agenda Education Eight vie for Medford School Board positions Proposed Medford textbook raises constitutional concern North Medford High School principal to retire in June Southern Oregon University's building boom adds up to $130 million South Medford, Ashland, St. Mary's students building video game Environment Mt. Ashland hopes coming storm will reopen ski area Odd visitors found off Oregon Coast Forum explores data gathered in Cascade-Siskiyou National Monument Herptilian haven Proposed new rules for Oregon critter catchers would require the killing of nuisance animals State News Bend company's aim: Connect investors to Africa Brown proposes $1 billion in California drought spending Are they decorations or desecration? The Dalles Standoff: Suicide by smoke inhalation Officials urge meningitis shots at University of Oregon Nation - World Obituaries Death Notices David Braden Frohnmayer Ray Houck Death Notices Geneva Rosel Canty Weather Photo Galleries Since You Asked Videos Web Cams Mail Tribune 100 Shareable Bank of America is predicting a massive Tesla collapse Sports Latest Stories Grants Pass duo tops Crater tourney Thomas pitches North Medford past Henley Harden erupts for 50 in Rockets victory Djokovic reaches semifinals via walkover Grandma dies, then Hoffman takes lead Varsity 541 College Sports Despite critics aplenty, UCLA surprises SMU on rare 3-pointer Beavers ready for NCAA home date Familiar feeling greets Ducks, Cowboys Early exit for Colorado State at NIT BSU loses heartbreaker Pro Sports Harden erupts for 50 in Rockets victory Djokovic reaches semifinals via walkover Grandma dies, then Hoffman takes lead Cavs pick up 14th straight at home Federer, Nadal, Murray reach quarters Community Sports Business Latest Stories Blog: Three Cheers for Today! Test Drive: 2015 Subaru Outback Limited Silvio Calabi: 2015 Cherokee is a modern Jeep Oregon winemaking emerges as mighty agricultural force Rogue Disposal plans natural gas fueling site Real Estate News East McAndrews Road sees a resurgence in commercial projects Business briefs: March 7 New construction prices jump 18.2 percent in Jackson County People In Business People in Business: Feb. 28 People in Business Transportation Rogue Disposal plans natural gas fueling site Alaska, United Express boost Medford airport to record February CEO Rieder leaving Erickson March 31 Lodging gains bode well for travel industries Agriculture Harry & David announces new president Warm winter has fruit growers poised for action Briefcase: Business briefs for Feb. 21 Opinion Latest Our View: Textbook authors' reasoning hard to fathom Letters to the Editor, March 20 Michael Gerson: Hillary Clinton's Nixonian path to office Arthur I. Cyr: Iran – a crisis without end Antionette Kerr: Some items shouldn’t fly with TSA Editorials Our View: Textbook authors' reasoning hard to fathom Our View: White House public records move is less than sunny Our View: Where the wild things shouldn't be Our View: Keeping the light trained on government Other Views: State must rein in medical marijuana Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, March 20 Letters to the Editor, March 19 Letters to the Editor, March 18 Letters to the Editor, March 17 Letters to the Editor, March 16 Columns Michael Gerson: Hillary Clinton's Nixonian path to office Arthur I. Cyr: Iran – a crisis without end Dana Milbank: GOP budget is one big gimmick George Will: Kasich waits in the wings Kathleen Parker: Hillary and the Media: Act 2016 Guest Opinions Guest Opinion: Central Point Cemetery needs work and city action Guest Opinion: Return to clearcutting is wrong approach for counties Guest Opinion: Plan a Hawthorne playground for all children Guest Opinion: There is nothing uniform about the Uniform Crime Report GUEST OPINION: Police, community should work to prevent profiling Lifestyle Latest stories Looking Up: Looking for the zodiacal light Ocean salmon look plentiful off the Southern Oregon coast this year, but next year's a different story (No heading) Wood bison to roam Alaska again Health Watch: 5 tips for seasonal allergy relief Food Eat this, not that Peanut allergy breakthrough Eat your sprouts More fast food perils Pork perfection: Consider pork steaks instead of ham for the Easter dinner table Home and Garden Hello, honey: Invite bees for a lush garden Understand home inspection Dear Monty: Tips for checking out an existing septic system Garden Cameos: Now is the perfect time to spot wildflowers Paul Rogers: It’s time to assess the damage to yards Health Health Watch: 5 tips for seasonal allergy relief A better bedtime Studying stress Eat this, not that Peanut allergy breakthrough Hiking Biking Faith Religion briefs Religion News: Presbyterian Church gives approval on same-sex marriage Religion briefs: Friday, March 13 More religion events in the Rogue Valley Religion Briefs Milestones and Achievements Haga-Parks Exercise helps special-needs kids adjust to airport procedures Engagement: Workman-Wright Anniversary: Hofer Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories Here's five top entertainment picks for the coming week Alt-rock band Key of Three is a contender this weekend at Rising Stars Improv rock and folk band hosts a dance party at the Ashland Community Center Andrew Lloyd Webber's lush musical 'Sunset Boulevard' opens at Camelot Theatre in Talent Review: 'Same Time' after all these years Theater Andrew Lloyd Webber's lush musical 'Sunset Boulevard' opens at Camelot Theatre in Talent Review: Thanks for the Memories pulls off challenging 'Anastasia' Review: 'Same Time' after all these years Randall Theatre presents playwright Bernard Slade's comedy Thanks for the Memories presents 'Anastasia' Music Alt-rock band Key of Three is a contender this weekend at Rising Stars Improv rock and folk band hosts a dance party at the Ashland Community Center Kites & Crows, Ryan Marchand and Mercy Duo face-off this weekend at Rising Stars music competition in Jacksonville Rogue Valley Chorale presents 'A Festival of Choirs' at the Craterian Theatre SOU's Chamber and Concert choirs present 'Songs of Passion' Community Events Rogue Valley artist Linda Evans' pastel paintings capture landscapes of Southern Oregon Ashland Independent Film Festival announces this year's lineup OSF Hip-Hop Poetry Open Mic Ashland's First Friday Art Walk showcases new exhibits by regional artists Jesse Lawson and Joe Moxley host 'Barkeeper' Dining Jasmine Thai Cuisine Restaurant Inspections Agave offers gourmet tacos, tamales, ensaladas and more Serra storms Seattle Sakura Japanese Sushi Restaurant opens in new location Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obits Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines/Special Sections Business Services NEWS NOW 'We tried to de-escalate it' ... Our View: Textbook authors' reasoning hard to fathom ... Emergency Services ... 'We tried to de-escalate it' ... Our View: Textbook authors' reasoning hard to fathom ... Emergency Services ... Wry & Ginger: Things that go 'batter up' in the night By Sid McKeen More Content Now MailTribune.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Mar. 16, 2015 @ 9:41 am By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Mar. 16, 2015 @ 9:41 am » Social News p bs:newslist StartDate="20121121" EndDate="p bs:datecalc Months="3"" DateSort="1" UseObjects="1" ObjectClass="81" Taxonomywords="2325,665" ExactTaxonomyMatch="1" Image="1" Count="4" --> You’re not going to believe what was going down in our bathroom the other night. I woke from a sound sleep about quarter to 3 a.m. to an earsplitting cacophony of smashing noises. The sounds were deafening. I sprang from my bed, like the guy in the Christmas poem, to see what was the matter. The walls shook from repeated rat-a-tat blows that sounded like we were under attack from enemy aircraft. There were holes in the roof big enough to heave Manhattan phone books through. With only a night light to show the way, I cleared enough space on the floor to advance into the shower area. There — right in the middle of everything — stood a giant of a man swinging a baseball bat wildly, knocking balls thrown from who-knows-where and sending tiles and toilet-fixture fragments crashing off the ceiling, walls and floor. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” I screamed. That’s when I discovered the identity of the intruder. It was none other than David Ortiz, the Boston Red Sox designated hitter, in full uniform. There was no mistaking that bull-moose physique, the wide, winning smile, the Dominican accent or the immense No. 34 on his back. It was Big Papi in the flesh. I was too bummed out to ask for his autograph, but it passed through my head. “I’m really sorry, man,” he said, tossing his Louisville Slugger into the trash heap that used to be my bathroom. “Last thing I remember is I was falling off to sleep after a day in the batting cage back in Fort Myers. I don’t have no memory of how I got here, but I tell you right now, I’ll pay for the damage, man. I’ll even buy you a new house if you want, with as many bathrooms as you think you need.” “They got this new rule this year, man, the top dogs in the commissioner’s office,” he told me. “They say we gotta keep one foot in the batter’s box every time at bat to help speed up the games. That kinda got me upset, and I must have walked here in my sleep and somehow took it out on you. I’m really sorry, man, and I want to make it up to you.” None of it ever happened, of course. It was all just a bad dream, probably brought on by my fickle digestive tract combined with my usual excitement at sizing up the latest version of the Sox. I’ve been a fan since 1940, for better or worse, mostly you-know-what, and people like us have learned how to keep hope alive. I leave it to you to figure out the significance of the dream. Did I place Papi in my shower because I’m a lifelong control freak, and I’m looking for him to bat “cleanup”? Is the shower some kind of metaphor for the recent history of Red Sox baseball, going from cold to hot to cold in the last three years of play? Was I making my bathroom available so my favorite team would find a way to flush last year down the drain and find their way back to the throne room they call the World Series? Enough of the Freudian conjecture. Who cares? Our place is intact. Spring, more welcome this year than I can ever recall, is just around the bend, and nothing says spring like baseball. As a seasonal rite of passage, it sure beats pushing the clock ahead another hour. So, batter up. Let the games begin. Go spring. Go baseball. Go Sox, Go David. And you’re welcome to drop by for BP anytime, big guy. I’ll even leave the light on for ya. Sid McKeen is a columnist for The Worcester (Mass.) Telegram & Gazette. He can be reached at [email protected]. By Sid McKeen More Content Now MailTribune.com By Sid McKeen More Content Now Posted Mar. 16, 2015 @ 9:41 am » Comment or view comments /* $( document ).ready(function() { // Jquery mobile is trying to style the button and leaving a blank gry button on top of a white button $("#viafouracoms .vf-comment-controls li.vf-right").html(' Submit '); });*/ » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Your privacy is important, read our privacy policy. © Copyright 2015 Local Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Local Media Group Publications Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted. MailTribune.com | P.O. Box 1108, Medford, OR 97501