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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Emergency services Since You Asked: Thunder in winter is a rare sound Police arrest Jackson Elementary arson suspect Counterfeit ringleader, co-conspirators sentenced Man sentenced in Highway 66 chase case Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Emergency services Police arrest Jackson Elementary arson suspect Counterfeit ringleader, co-conspirators sentenced Man sentenced in Highway 66 chase case Fire destroys Applegate trailer Politics and Elections Kent Bush: Fraud kept alive by the left and right Walden sets town halls on Friday Amid rising scrutiny, governor says fiancee won't have role in administration Ashland aims for diversity, but numbers show shortfall Kent Bush: The keys to decoding the State of the Union address Education SOU board names officers, committees SOU students targeted in Drive Less campaign Parent files discrimination complaint against Ashland schools Some gains, some losses Medford reconsiders full-day kindergarten Environment Commercial users can get rid of pesticide waste for free Jackson County looks at compensation for wolf kills Commissioners won't object to BLM road closures Mt. 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Our View: Our growing disagreement with science ... Police arrest Jackson Elementary arson suspect ... Jeff Vrabel: The pain, the horrible pain! Comment By Jeff VrabelGH Toeset MichaelMichael Toeset More Content Now MailTribune.com By Jeff VrabelGH Toeset MichaelMichael Toeset More Content Now Posted Nov. 10, 2014 @ 7:51 am By Jeff VrabelGH Toeset MichaelMichael Toeset More Content Now Posted Nov. 10, 2014 @ 7:51 am » Social News I’m going to take a brief break from delivering the hard-boiled, well-researched and extremely tasty news that generally appears in this space to talk about something that’s near and dear to my heart right now: pain. Actually, it’s more near and dear to my back, and rocketing out of the lower central quadrant of said back, traveling north through the spine, bouncing around the brainal region and returning eventually to the lower back like the swallows of Capistrano. This pain is directly the result of a lousy few hours spent playing basketball this afternoon but is also, in reality, a semi-literally crippling reminder of the advancing, massing ravages of age, and also how much of a giant sissy I am. Now, let me preface this by saying that if life has taught me any lesson repeatedly, it’s: 1. Do not microwave a Hostess Ho-Ho while it’s still in the wrapper, because fire will happen. 2. I can keep trying all I want, but I will never understand “Grey’s Anatomy.” 3. I am not an athlete. Oh, I exercise - a little bit of running here and there, mostly - but to paraphrase a friend, I pick up a basketball, I shoot a basketball as near as a hoop as I can reasonably get it (not close), but I would not call what I do playing basketball. However, I was born with a special genetic gift, so what I lack - utterly, miserably lack - in basketball skills I make up for by being marginally taller than some of the other people on the court on occasion. My role in any basketball team is that of a center, which, in my case, means to stand nearish the hoop and generally try to get in the way of the people who can do things with the ball, such as shoot it, pass it successfully to others or anything that doesn’t involve dribbling it off their left ankle. If I can cause chaos, inconvenience, or on a really good day trip a guy, this is more or less like getting a triple-double for me, and I’ll generally demand to stop at the ice cream shop for a raucous postgame celebration. My coach on a rec league team told me last year: “Everyone on this team has roles. Yours doesn’t involve shooting.” This sort of thing. So when I say I’m playing basketball, I mean more that I’m occasionally traveling through about a 4-square-foot plot of real estate while a game, somewhat unrelatedly, occurs around me. I don’t mean to say this to over-denigrate myself, only to illustrate that there’s really no earthly reason that, given the amount of activity I engaged in this afternoon, I should be sitting here grimacing every four seconds and extremely ready to cry like a 6-year-old girl, or a Packers fan. That’s a cheap shot, but don’t act like you didn’t like it. So here’s what I do: I finish the game, having successfully ruined a couple of other people’s plans to do impressive things but accomplishing very few myself, I get in the car and drive home. Here’s what I didn’t do: stretch. Apparently stretching is big. Stretching is what you do to make your muscles not seem like they’re re-creating the first couple of Black Sabbath records in your spine. Yet, I did not know this, because that is something an athlete would know. During my whole drive home my lower back muscles had apparently been contorting themselves into a Granny knot, fully unbeknownst to me, who didn’t really notice anything was really wrong until I got home, stepped out of my car and immediately crumpled into a tiny puddle of former human on the driveway. I don’t know if you’ve ever begged your 3-year-old son not to give you a hug for the love of sweet holy God in heaven above, but I imagine it’s not something that instills in him a real great sense of primary masculine influence, not that I could have done anything about it at the time. I’ll take him to a monster truck rally this week or something. Anyway, why, you may ask, am I letting a fairly common injury bother me to the point that I’m writing with annoying self-aggrandization about it? The answer is simple: I don’t have any other column ideas (I keep waiting for Rand Paul’s ears to pop off or something, but so far, no dice). But also, if the reader will permit a little bit of whining, the back pain, coupled with the growing field of gray hair and lack of interest in contemporary music, can only mean one thing: I’m about at that age where pretending I’m younger than I am goes from being an enjoyable bar-novelty to full-time occupation, and it’s gonna take a lot of preparation to get ready. I shall begin immediately, by stretching. Jeff Vrabel is a freelance writer who is on about 3,000mgs of Tylenol, which is accomplishing nothing. He can be reached at www.jeffvrabel.com. By Jeff VrabelGH Toeset MichaelMichael Toeset More Content Now MailTribune.com By Jeff VrabelGH Toeset MichaelMichael Toeset More Content Now Posted Nov. 10, 2014 @ 7:51 am » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. calendar Connect with MailTribune.com Facebook Twitter RSS Back to top Reader Services Reader Services Home Subscriptions Subscriber controls Contact us Submissions Photos Events Letters to the editor Corrections Announcements Obituaries Story ideas Since you asked Alerts Email Alerts RSS Feeds Text Alerts Advertise Media Kit Home Products and services Ad rates Advertising contacts Mail Tribune Daily Tidings The Nickel Shop Our Valley Blogs Stay Informed Email newsletter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. 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