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Get Off My Lawn: Children will be slaughtered until adults grow up Robert Galvin Sunday Feb 18, 2018 at 12:01 AM By Robert Galvin Mail Tribune Remember bump stocks? No, they have nothing to do with the recent Perelandra-like undulations in the financial markets. Bump stocks, for those who have forgotten — including, apparently, the United States Congress — are those converter contraptions that takes your run-of-the-mill, one-in-every-home semi-automatic rifle and makes ’em go all full-auto. You remember, it’s what the mass-murderer in Las Vegas used to kill 58 concertgoers in Las Vegas. After that October surprise, there were bipartisan calls for tightening restrictions on bump stocks … heck, even the leadership of the National Rifle Association (briefly) got on board. And all that grief and willingness to work together led to legislation that shot through both chambers, got the seal of approval from the president and put an end to … … ah, no. See, what happened was ... folks started arguing over who actually had the authority to regulate bump stocks — which led to disagreements about the scope of such regulations. Then, of course, NFL players took flak for kneeling, the #metoo movement bull's-eyed abusers, there were massive hurricanes, a Kardashian posed naked, the president triggered a Twitterstorm, the Russia probe targeted the administration, California’s wine country caught fire, once-bulletproof advisers were shown the door at the White House, one Kardashian got pregnant while another gave birth, the president triggered a Twitterstorm, government shutdowns came and went, and before you knew it, we were in the holiday season, then the Super Bowl, the Oscar nominations, a pregnant Kardashian posed naked, the president triggered a Twitterstorm,, and now the Olympics … so, as they say, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Lost somewhere in the shuffle was the five-year anniversary of the Sandy Hook massacre — where among the 26 dead were 20 children ages 6 or 7 (who'll never get the chance to vote). Of course, not everyone believed those murders took place — heck, the White House not only didn’t acknowledge the five-year anniversary, the president himself hasn't responded to calls from parents of DEAD CHILDREN to denounce the so-called “truthers.” Now we've lost 17 souls at a Florida high school — gunned down with an AK-15 by a former student who slipped through the cracks despite exhibiting warning signs. So, of course, the members of Congress will come together right now over the need to figure out why a troubled young man had the type of semi-automatic rifle that even conservative icon Antonin Scalia said was too “dangerous and unusual” to be available to the general public … … ah, no. See, what’s happening is … what always happens in these cases. Republicans, bolstered by campaign influence … err, donations … of the NRA, gun manufacturers and other hive-minded people spinelessly gelled behind the talking point that this is a mental health issue — with little, if anything, to do with guns. Democrats, meanwhile, are stumbling through their familiar dance — trying not to look unseemly as they seek a political opening, all the while suffering from the foot-in-mouth disease known as Dukakisitis ... which comes from the Greek, meaning “unable to formulate an effective response.” How afraid is the GOP of the guns-only people? An Oregon state representative had this to say this week about the reaction he expects after bucking his party allegiance and voting to expand a gun ban on those convicted of domestic violence: “(A)s I’ve anticipated this moment, I’ve been inclined to crawl under my desk in the fetal position.” At least in that pose, he’d find himself in the company of those wondering whether they were going to die in the Florida high school rampage. Speaking of which, the president triggered a Twitterstorm this week, thumbing in part that, “Neighbors and classmates knew he was a big problem. Must always report such instances to authorities, again and again!” Some of the shooter’s former schoolmates (those who still breathe) took umbrage that the leader of the free world was blaming them for the tragedy. Meanwhile, Congress will set about solving the mental health problem — with the same ease with which they solved the struggle over the Dreamers. Then they’ll get to the bump stocks. ... ah, no. — Mail Tribune copy editor Robert Galvin can be reached at [email protected].