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Dr. Elaine Heffner: Ask the mother Comment By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Apr. 21, 2015 at 12:01 AM By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Apr. 21, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Social News The mother of a 2-year-old came to see me about something new in her daughter’s behavior that was a source of concern. The child has started making a throat-clearing sound. The doctor can find no basis for this medically and reassured the mother that it was just a passing tic like others that come and go in children. The mother, however, was not reassured. It emerged that the child recently had a traumatic experience. She had swallowed a fruit pit, which lodged in her throat, and she was rushed to the emergency room. An intrusive examination followed, and although the pit had apparently gone down, the experience had been frightening for both child and parents The mom then hesitantly ventured her idea that the throat sound is a self-soothing behavior for her daughter and serves to allay her anxiety. She further explained that a pacifier used to serve this purpose, but the parents had recently limited its use in an attempt to rid her of it. Perhaps this new behavior was connected to these recent events. I told the mother that her insight was extremely important, and we then discussed ways that might be helpful to the child given mom’s understanding of the situation. It seemed clear that this mother had not been reassured by the medical reassurances she had been given because on some level she had been aware of what this was about and for which she was seeking help. This brought back an experience of my own. As an infant, my son had episodes of vomiting followed by unconsciousness. This was extremely frightening and worrisome, and many specialists were consulted. The best guess was that some sort of seizures was involved and various intrusive tests were recommended. Before moving forward I consulted a neurologist/psychiatrist I knew. After relating all the information, this doctor asked me what I thought was wrong with the baby. To my surprise, I found myself telling him that I thought it had something to do with food. He outlined a course of action to follow that involved starting with nothing but formula and then a week at a time adding each of the various foods that earlier had been introduced. In following this recommendation, I discovered that, unaware, I had even made a connection between the episodes and one particular baby food. I never gave that particular food again and there never was another episode. Reporting back to the doctor, I told him of my amazement at discovering what I had apparently known without knowing that I knew it, and said that no doctor had ever asked me that question before. He told me he had learned that from a pediatrics professor in medical school who had taught them, “If you don’t know what is wrong with a child, ask the mother.” I later learned from a pediatric allergist that this was a rare food allergy that was subsequently written up in a pediatric journal. The point of this story is not that as parents we should pay no attention to the medical specialists we consult about our children. It is rather that we are the ones who know our children best and our judgments and understanding are valuable. Mothers in particular are not always heard and we need to give voice to our ideas. The meaning to me of my own story, and that of the mother I described, is to have enough confidence in our perceptions to allow them to surface into our awareness, to be given weight and pursued along with those of other “experts.” Elaine Heffner, LCSW, Ed.D., has written for Parents Magazine, Fox.com , Redbook, Disney online and PBS Parents, as well as other publications. She has appeared on PBS, ABC, Fox TV and other networks. Dr. Heffner is the author of “Goodenoughmothering: The Best of the Blog,” as well as “Mothering: The Emotional Experience of Motherhood after Freud and Feminism.” She is a psychotherapist and parent educator in private practice, as well as a senior lecturer of education in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. Dr. Heffner was a co-founder and served as director of the Nursery School Treatment Center at Payne Whitney Clinic, New York Hospital. And she blogs at goodenoughmothering.com . By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now MailTribune.com By Dr. Elaine Heffner More Content Now Posted Apr. 21, 2015 at 12:01 AM » Comment or view comments Reader Reaction » STAY INFORMED Email NewsLetter Sign Up Today Sign up for our newsletter and have the top headlines from your community delivered right to your inbox. Southern Oregon Directory Featured Businesses Loading... 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