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Kindness and the 3-breath hug By Sharon Johnson Oct 23, 2022 12:30 AM A A Over the past several months I’ve regularly received friendly advice from widows or widowers who follow this column. Their suggestions range from authors I should consider to foods and beverages I should avoid. One unexpected idea: “Never turn down an invitation.” Which is why, last Sunday afternoon, I found myself tucked in the back seat of an unfamiliar Subaru on my way to a community theater matinee. I was with a group of women I barely knew. The driver chatted happily as she wove in and out of traffic, telling her passengers she’d recently advised her three young grandsons that she was experiencing “all-over-her-body aches and pains that could only be alleviated by receiving more frequent and bigger hugs.” She reported the results were “immediate and delightful” — laughing at the memory as we approached our destination. Her story caused me to offer up back-seat commentary on the power of “the three-breath hug,” which involves taking three deep, consecutive breaths while embracing another person. After parking, the driver rounded her car and approached me, arms outstretched. She gave me a perfect, full-body, three-breath hug. It was unexpected and delightful. In that moment, I recalled the inscribed wooden plaque I received as a holiday gift from some dear friends a few years ago: “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” I continue to display it in my downsized living environment — and always will. Acts of kind outreach may be on the wane in this divided, post-pandemic world we live in. But, then again, maybe not. I recently learned, as part of its “Call for Kindness” campaign, Verizon (the telecommunications folks) worked with a national, nonprofit organization, kindness.org, to create the “first-of-its-kind” (a sweet, built-in pun, perhaps?) survey to explore “kindness in America.” The research found every state has a “surprisingly high capacity for kindness.” According to the survey results, the topmost acts of recorded kindness are “becoming an organ donor for a family member, pulling a stranger from a burning car and adopting and raising a family member.” Acts of kindness more easily incorporated into daily life include: “cover the shift for a work colleague, call a friend to encourage them and cheer up a family member.” The state demonstrating the most acts of kindness using the parameters of this survey, of over 50,000 people, was Kentucky. So — if dear reader, you have family roots in Kentucky — kind kudos to you. Among the critics of this study are low-ranking states who dispute the “self-report” approach. As one Wisconsinite (that state ranked 41st) said about Illinois (ranked 35th): “You’re seriously going to tell me Illinoisians are kinder than Wisconsinites? I’ve been to Illinois.” Oregon ranked 45th, by the way. Maryland was 50th. There are a few other survey takeaways worth mentioning: “Seventy-two percent of people surveyed would lend money to a friend in a financial crisis. Fifty-three percent of people surveyed said they would donate their vacation time to a colleague.” All those kind illustrations are wonderfully impressive. But I still favor the totally unexpected, three-breath hug. Sharon Johnson is a retired educator. Reach her at [email protected]