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Healthy Aging By Sharon Johnson Grandchild reminds me of what�s important The news events of the past week are a poignant reminder of the fragility of life and the comfort of love. Eight years ago, my stepdaughter told us she was pregnant. I was some distance from 50, and the idea of being called �grandma� was unsettling. "My husband counseled me, �You don�t have to say you are a grandmother, you can simply say you are married to a grandfather.� " Well, I am a grandmother. I have quickly learned to revel in the role, to cherish it. Our grandchild, Sydney, spent five life-changing weeks with us this summer. We carefully organized each day. Our schedule included everything from vacation Bible school (two churches, two T-shirts) to swimming lessons at the YMCA. She had a 14-year-old 4-H tutor to work on her reading and a sandbox made from a converted plastic swimming pool. We took her to carefully chosen movies and enrolled her in a multi-cultural day camp. However, the best times, the truly connecting times, were the chats we had when she was playing in the bathtub or the observations she made when she was "grooming" the dog. The really wondrous times were the simple moments when we were all reading a story together or trying to figure out a household problem � like why do we have such a large population of yellowjackets, or what makes food left out of the refrigerator for more than two hours unsafe to eat? The night she and I partnered to cook dinner is captured in a photograph, and the expression on her face resembles rapture. Often, the simple things in life create the most poignant memories. It is in these moments that you are sending messages of love. Messages of love, according to curriculum materials developed at Auburn University, take three different forms. Some children/grandchildren are "show-me" kids. They like to have love demonstrated, through gifts � including the gift of your time. Others are "tell-me" kids who want to hear the words � and often. The third group, according to parenting experts, are the "touch-me" kids who hear the message of love most clearly when given through hugs and cuddling. Our funny, feisty granddaughter seems to relish all three types of messages, but she is mostly a "show-me" kid. We sent those messages this summer. And we discovered what I think we already knew � that truly "grand" are those little moments where you tune into the heart and the spirit of a child and send a message that becomes a positive part of the child�s sense of self. The Seattle Times did an article on this business of grandparenting recently. They advised grandparents to be "hands-on" and recommended a book, "The Nanas and the Papas: A Boomers� Guide to Grandparenting." On this one, I do not need a book. I simply need to remember that what kids need (and what all people need) is focused attention when they speak and your thoughtful response to their comments. They want authentic acknowledgment, an occasional hug, and a hand to hold. (Important always � but even more important now.) Grand, indeed. Sharon Johnson is an assistant professor in family and community development at OSU Extension and a member of the Senior Advisory Council. Reach her at [email protected] Mail Tribune Home | Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. | Dow Jones & Co., Inc. | Privacy | Contact Us Copyright � 2001 Mail Tribune, Inc.