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Of fresh milk and other Y-to-K issues Commentark By BILL VARBLE Are you ready for Y2K? MT readers apparently are. A request for Y2K questions in these pages met near-total silence. One reader did e-mail this question: If the milk at the store is dated "03 Jan 00," how do you know it isn't 100 years old? On the other hand, if the buttermilk is dated "03 Jan 00," does it matter? There are other weighty questions. At the stroke of midnight, will Windows 98 turn into DOS 1.0, Pentium Vs into 8088s and users everywhere be left holding a glass mouse? Will the sales of Coca Cola jump when the original formula becomes legal again? It seems like just the other day that software engineers were pointing out that it was "time to party like it's 1899," which being software engineers, they don't even mind. In Redmond, Wash., Microsoft announced the introduction of its new Windows 2000 operating system will be postponed until the second quarter of 1901. And did you hear about Bill Gates? He's walking on the beach when a bottle washes up with a genie inside. He pops the cork and the genie jumps out and says, "Look, it's been a tough century. I'm beat. One wish only." Bill scratches his head. "Well, it would be neat to have a bridge between Washington and Hawaii," he says. "No can do," says the genie. "I'm just too tired. Try again." "OK," Bill says. "Tell me what I need to do to make sure everything runs smoothly after midnight Jan. 31." The genie rubs his chin. "Were you thinking two lanes on that bridge, or four?" Too many Y2K stories focus on the gloom and doom. (Won't you people print ANY good news in the new millennium?) OK. Try this: MEMO: Vacation TO: valued employee You have not used any vacation time in the past (100) year(s). Employees get three weeks vacation a year with one additional week for each five years service. Please take 5,650 days off ASAP or your next check will include $3,065,950 in pay and interest ... And finally, what about those who look Y2K in the eye? MEMO: The Y2K committee has just completed a yearlong Y-to-K project. We went through each line of code in every program in every system and analyzed all databases and data files including backups and archives and modified everything to reflect the changes. Frankly, it didn't quite make sense to the team, but we persevered. From Januark and Februark to June and Julk right up through November and December, often working seven days a week: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak, Sundak. Whk? Kou don't mess around with K2K, that's whk. Don't kou know that ket? Finallk, we can verifk todak that there's no scarcitk of ks, and we sak that without ironk. Mail Tribune Copyright � The Mail Tribune 1999, Medford, Oregon USA